What does a grammatically-correct, upside-down owl inquire?

ΒΏWOHM ΒΏWOHM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonMinusJon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
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"That was so baaaad, Dad"

I remembered a good Dad joke moment.

My wife and I had picked up our daughter and two of her friends. They were in the back of our minivan.

My wife inquired about one of the kids mothers that she was friends with since we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved because of work to another town.

I guess the job was going well and they were making a good deal of money. The kid said, "She doing good, but she's spending a lot of money. She remodeled the kitchen and bought 4K TVs."

They kept chatting lightly and when there was a lull in conversation, I quietly said, "That's a lot of TVs." Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not loud enough to really demand anyone listen.

But then it happened. An uncomfortable pause - the fabled pregnant pause - and they started talking again. No one said anything about it but I knew it landed.

After we dropped the kids off, the first thing my daughter said, "That was SO bad. "

This was at LEAST 10 minutes after I said it. She had been thinking about that joke the whole time. She said the other kids were like looking around like WTF?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loosebag
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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A lumberjack once told me he’s cut down 27,562 trees

β€œHow do ya know exactly how many?” I inquired

Lumberjack: β€œEasy. I keep a log.”

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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When my Dad put his name down at a restaurant his name would be "Zeus". When the someone inquired about his odd name he would say "it's short for "Jesus"

Jesus being the Latin pronunciation. Extra credit, he's hella white.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FR0GWISE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Star Wars Fanfiction

Recently my cousin got into Star Wars Fanfictions. Like absolutely enamored by them. Not being much of a fanfic guy but still wanting to be supportive I inquired into her new obsession. After a bit of asking she told me she hated the new villain arcs for the new trilogy but thought they were good characters that deserved a better story to be explored through. After this, I fully understood and was happy she was exploring these antagonists through a different lens.

Just goes to show ya, different snokes for different folks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trolobaggins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Why are curious people so good at singing?

Because they inquire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velociripper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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HELP WANTED: Zen Buddhist Monk

Inquire within.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoboNerdOK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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A joke for fathers day.

"Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

β€œWe don't talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, β€œNow, son, what did you want to ask me?”

β€œOh, nothing,” the boy said. β€œThere was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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My wife asked me where I put all the pans after washing them.

I inquired if she checked the pantry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/draftjoker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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A king had a problem with a serial killer chicken...

He placed 30 silver coins as a bounty, and was peeved after a month had passed and nobody had taken the offer. He inquired to his squire, who responded that nobody would undergo such an unpleasant pheasant hunt for such a poultry sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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Too early for this ...

I woke up early for work,and was getting dressed while my girlfriend lazily poked at her phone. I was laying out my clothes, saying as I go: "undershirt ... work shirt ... underwear ... jeans ... French bovine ... can't wear shoes without the French bovine ..."

I noticed my girlfriend was staring at me, bewildered, but also wearing her "what sort of stupid thing are you saying now?"

I asked what was the matter, and she inquired what a French bovine is.

I said, you shouldn't wear shoes without ...

A Paris ox.

edited: stupid mistakes. It makes better sense now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobodyWhatsoever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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Three for one at Denny's

Homeless regular at Denny's sits down next to me at the counter.

He says, "Hey, Judy, I'll have a streak and eggs."

Judy, a waitress of sixty-some years inquires, "Do you have enough money for it?"

The man says, "I'd stake my life on it."

Judy gets annoyed and demands to see it, to which the man responds, pulling out a ten dollar bill, "Un-eggs-pected, I know."

She said, "No tip again, huh?"

He shoots back, "C'mon! Meat me in the middle here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flipnotyk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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A duck walks into a bar...

and says "Hey bartender, got any grapes?"

The bartender replies: "This is a bar, we don't have grapes here."

The next day the duck returns and inquires: "Hey bartender, got any grapes?"

Says the bartender: "I told you yesterday: this is a bar. We don't have grapes here."

The next day the duck is back. "Hey bartender. Got any grapes?"

"NO!" shouts the bartender. "If you come back asking for grapes again, I will nail your beak to this bar!"

The next day the dug is back again:

"Hey bartender: got any nails?" "NO! This is a BAR, not a hardware store!"

...

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...

"Got any grapes?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fmapE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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The recent post about the "Quackopotamous" reminded me...

When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.

Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.

"Dad, what're those?" I inquired

"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"

And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monroeshton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
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This was my father's text to me this morning concerning Harrison Ford.

Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.

Me: you're the devil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsubandbeard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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