I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LowInFat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathers topless in her backyard.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 476
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogsie125
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting too many trees ?

He saw too much.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad is barely is Dad

At our bowling league today one of the lanes we were bowling on stopped working. Someone said "It looks like lane 6 is dead". So I looked at my dad and brother and said "I guess we should notify its next of pin."

All I got were sighs...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woodlickin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you do when a drunk sheep is making unwanted advances on all the ladies at your local bar?

Notify the baa tender.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad came into my car...

I had a pair of fuzzy dice hanging on my mirror, he asked where I got them from, I said I bought them on my trip to Brazil. "So... they're a tropical paradise?

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Defenestration2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the moon hide itself when it cried?

It was in mourning.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/3Dbabble
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
The bellman's brother

There was this guy with no arms who lived in the bell tower of some church in Europe. Since he had no arms, he rang the bells by slamming his head against them.

One day, he fell out of the tower and died. The police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

A few weeks later, the man's twin brother came to take over the bellman job. On his first day, he too fell from the tower and died.

Again, the police wanted to notify the next of kin. The coroner looked at the man and said "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked at the office yesterday

Received an email that was copied to about half the company notifying everyone of a package that was returned and undeliverable. It was addressed to a Ms. Bargo.

Without even thinking, I replied all asking if her first initial was 'M,' as an 'M. Bargo' would very likely be the reason for a shipping issue.

Went waaaaaay over the sender's head. Heard it being contemplated and explained over on the other side of the office.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdrach85
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
🚨︎ report
First death from Everglades pythons

An intern from the University of Prague was studying the breeding habits of Burmese pythons in the Everglades. Park Rangers were notified when he didn't report in at the end of the day. They managed to capture the pair he was studying.

The necropsy on the female python only found a fawn, several rodents, and a couple of turtle.

When they cut open her mate it was a different story. Sure enough, the Czech was in the male.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flaspike
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My chemistry teacher pulled this one.

The other day we were doing an experiment in chemistry, when I noticed the bottle of Hydrochloric Acid was empty.

I decided to notify the teacher of this.

"Sir, the acid's run out."

"Well then, you better go and catch it."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad's favorite joke:

There's a church in the country that is looking for a bell ringer for church on Sundays. A guy comes in for the job but he has no arms. The priest says "How are you going to ring the bell with no arms?"

"Come up in the bell tower with me and I'll show you."

The priest figures he'll humor him so when they get up there the backs all the way up to one side and runs full force into the side of the bell sending a "BONG" across the valley. The priest is so impressed he hires him. That Sunday the time comes and our bell ringer is all ready, backed into the corner. Runs full force and slips at the last minute falling to his death 100 feet below. A detective comes to investigate so the priest tells him the whole story. "We have to notify his next of kin, do you know his name?"

"No, but his face rings a bell."

The church now has to replace this guy so another guy comes in and coincidence of coincidences, he has no arms either. Same method of ringing the bell. Same accident. "Do you know his

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freak_flag_flies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend just got me so good.

So my boyfriend recently supplied me with an invite for a Oneplus Two and I was messaging to notify him that I purchased the phone and to thank him for the code. He told me to enjoy my "three".

It took me a few seconds but I groaned so loud it scared my cat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jwcao
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.