How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?

A-TEN-SON!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packaging69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Spoiler Alert
πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiwaSohaides
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Spoiler Alert
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/populargaming21k
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of alert do the police put out when someone steals your fire?

An ember alert.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wash_guy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Police raised an alert in error, thinking they’d discovered a recently severed appendage.

But it was a fossil arm.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carriager
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Mantra of the Kansas City Chiefs' defensive line

The Bucs Stop Here!

Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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In the UK we now have new Covid alert levels

I knew it would end in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)

R, I, and the seven c’s

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImStayingForNow
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Big Brain Time Alert
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soda_Monster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Spoiler Alert!
πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,

β€œSpoiler alert!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoKit2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacocatFirefly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert.

Don't leave milk out of the fridge for too long in warm weather.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Spoiler alert
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romantheperogi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Scam alert: Those Free Hong Kong shirts are being sold on Amazon for 15 bucks!
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Endgame Spoiler Alert
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Rider2001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
[Spoiler Alert]

My friends making a movie about car accessories.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert!!!!!!1111!!!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolKid89283638
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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Dad pun alert
πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobasita
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert for The Prodigy
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdude777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert!
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohfuckitsrane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
SPOILER ALERT
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ULTRA_SWAG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Spoiler Alert!!

I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge for days.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Small Spoiler Alert
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr36251
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Spoiler alert, dad joke ahead

"No matter how far you throw an envelope, it will still be stationary"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherhoodgalore
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Just bought a old sports car with a whale tale.

spoiler alert

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
BEWARE MASSIVE CRINGE ALERT

i was at a wedding and one persons suit was marvel characters and my dad says "well that's just marvelous"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kicks008
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GentleMonsta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Endgame spoiler Alert.

I couldn't help but think that the final confrontation between Thanos and Tony Stark would be the ultimate dad joke in the universe. Might not sound like much, but this is how that scene played out in my head.

Thanos (about to snap, after the scuffle with Tony) : I am... inevitable.

Tony : Hi inevitable, I'm Iron Man.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Spoiler Alert.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you say bad pun alert in roman?

Hannibal at the gates

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duderuok
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the baby coal that went missing?

They sent out an ember alert

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colt_duppen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Terrible Joke Alert #2

Did you hear the one about the number theorist who was arrested? They say he was guilty on all counts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Killer Dad Joke Alert :

I’m walking into publix and a guy offers me the empty cart he was using and says β€œleft some gas in it for you” - credit : a guy on Twitter

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nemisis1000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Terrible Joke Alert

Did you hear about the guy who was deaf? Well, neither did he.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Physicsboy2018
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
You should always be alert

The world needs more lerts

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/404wav
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Twitter virus alert!

There's a new virus on twitter. It's called "chirpies"..It's a canarial disease, but thankfully it's tweetable.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the best season to sell Life Alert?

Fall

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winnieismydog
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Major Spoiler Alert imgur.com/e7pGTVl
πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xela552
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the Hawaiian say when the fake missle alert made him poop his pants?

ICBM

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs_clam_rodeo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
SPOILER ALERT
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agarwalkunal12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Spoiler Alert

Leaving your milk in the refrigerator for too long.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dallasboi1992YT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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