Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to βDonβt Stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
ποΈ 10k
π
οΈ Mar 13 2021
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
ποΈ 14k
π
οΈ Dec 08 2020
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
ποΈ 394
π
οΈ Feb 23 2021
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ May 01 2021
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
Thereβs caws for alarm.
ποΈ 51
π
οΈ Mar 01 2021
Being able to wake up every morning
Has been a real eye opener for me
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Mar 28 2021
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
They have no balls to scratch
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Mar 06 2021
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Jan 18 2021
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 17 2021
Imhotep wakes up and goes into an orphanage
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 26 2021
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Feb 02 2021
If I wake up after a long sleep,
Does that make me Captain America?
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Feb 06 2021
Do you wake up grumpy?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
ποΈ 67
π
οΈ Nov 29 2020
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I donβt know what to make of it.
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Apr 04 2020
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Dec 15 2020
Sometimes, I wake up grumpy.
Sometimes, she wakes me up.
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Dec 07 2020
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
You po-po-po-poke her face!
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Dec 03 2020
A sheep wakes up to find that she's at a completely different farm.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Nov 11 2020
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I donβt know what to make of it.
ποΈ 73
π
οΈ Sep 07 2020
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
ποΈ 13k
π
οΈ Oct 23 2019
Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Oct 01 2020
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
ποΈ 328
π
οΈ Apr 26 2020
Bilbo Baggins wakes up to hear βIβm a Loser Babyβ for the third day in a row.
It was There and Beck again.
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Oct 26 2020
What time do ducks wake up?
ποΈ 29
π
οΈ Jun 09 2020
What do ants drink when they wake up?
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Aug 10 2020
As a pilot in the Navy I have to wake up early in the morning
You know, for my morning portie.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Oct 09 2020
A bloke wakes up in hospital after an operation and shouts "Doctor I cant feel my legs"
The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Oct 02 2020
Why do I always cry when I wake up?
Itβs too early in the mourning!
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Aug 30 2020
An alcoholic wakes up in prison
He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"
ποΈ 44
π
οΈ Jul 28 2020
*Wakes up with ear infection*
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Aug 28 2020
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 13 2020
Someone just arrested my friendβs dad, and he wonβt wake up.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 27 2020
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, βDad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?β
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 20 2020
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow Iβm returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Nov 14 2018
Whatβs the first thing you say when you wake up in Utah?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jun 15 2020
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Aug 03 2020
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
ποΈ 13k
π
οΈ Oct 18 2020
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
ποΈ 27
π
οΈ Jan 18 2021
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Mar 06 2021
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Aug 23 2020
Some days I wake up grumpy
But most days I let her sleep
ποΈ 34
π
οΈ Dec 15 2020
Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?
Because she has no balls to scratch
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
How do wake Lady Gaga?
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Nov 02 2020
Why is it hard to wake up in Athens?
ποΈ 150
π
οΈ Jun 02 2020
Every morning after I wake up, I find that someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO on my front porch.
I donβt know what to make of it.
ποΈ 55
π
οΈ Jul 25 2020
I wake up grumpy some mornings...
But usually I let her sleep.
ποΈ 34
π
οΈ Aug 23 2020
Why do the riot police wake up so early?
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Jun 16 2020
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