Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to βDonβt Stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 13 2021
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
π︎ 14k
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︎ Dec 08 2020
An alcoholic wakes up in jail and asks the nearest officer why he's there
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies
So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
π︎ 394
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︎ Feb 23 2021
My mom tries to wake me up in the morning with coffee, but honestly...
π︎ 6
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︎ May 01 2021
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
Thereβs caws for alarm.
π︎ 51
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Being able to wake up every morning
Has been a real eye opener for me
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
They have no balls to scratch
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Going into the bathroom in the middle of the night trying not to wake up anybody is like a psychiatrist.
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Imhotep wakes up and goes into an orphanage
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 26 2021
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
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︎ Feb 02 2021
If I wake up after a long sleep,
Does that make me Captain America?
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Do you wake up grumpy?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
π︎ 67
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︎ Nov 29 2020
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 04 2020
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.
π︎ 16
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Sometimes, I wake up grumpy.
Sometimes, she wakes me up.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 07 2020
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
You po-po-po-poke her face!
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 03 2020
A sheep wakes up to find that she's at a completely different farm.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 73
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Oct 23 2019
Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 01 2020
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
π︎ 328
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︎ Apr 26 2020
Bilbo Baggins wakes up to hear βIβm a Loser Babyβ for the third day in a row.
It was There and Beck again.
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 26 2020
What time do ducks wake up?
π︎ 29
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︎ Jun 09 2020
What do ants drink when they wake up?
π︎ 17
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︎ Aug 10 2020
As a pilot in the Navy I have to wake up early in the morning
You know, for my morning portie.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 09 2020
A bloke wakes up in hospital after an operation and shouts "Doctor I cant feel my legs"
The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Why do I always cry when I wake up?
Itβs too early in the mourning!
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 30 2020
An alcoholic wakes up in prison
He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"
"For drinking," replies the officer.
"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"
π︎ 44
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︎ Jul 28 2020
*Wakes up with ear infection*
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 28 2020
A lawyer wakes up after surgery
He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn.
She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Someone just arrested my friendβs dad, and he wonβt wake up.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, βDad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?β
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Every morning after I wake up, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Tomorrow Iβm returning this piece of junk to Ikea.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 14 2018
Whatβs the first thing you say when you wake up in Utah?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 15 2020
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
π︎ 27
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to βDonβt stop Believingβ.
It was an unexpected Journey.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
Some days I wake up grumpy
But most days I let her sleep
π︎ 34
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Why does my wife rub her eyes when she wakes up?
Because she has no balls to scratch
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 01 2021
How do wake Lady Gaga?
π︎ 22
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Why is it hard to wake up in Athens?
π︎ 150
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Every morning after I wake up, I find that someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO on my front porch.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 55
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︎ Jul 25 2020
I wake up grumpy some mornings...
But usually I let her sleep.
π︎ 34
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Why do the riot police wake up so early?
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 16 2020
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