An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.

Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.

His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.

"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."

"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.

"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."

"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."

"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyLeo1337
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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comes English

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/unclematthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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How is trigonometry like the aftermath of a food fight?

There's pi(e) everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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My uncle was a math teacher.

When he retired, he bought a boat and named it Aftermath.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up?

Yeah, in the aftermath all that was left was de brie

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/StaffSgtGravy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Today my maths teacher showed us a bomb

then he blew the lesson way out of proportion

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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What do you call the child of 2 physicists?

The aftermath.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ‘€︎ u/TestSubject_02
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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How do you call a bear that wants to become a jedi?


πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/sebicoroian
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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At sunrise there were two robins overlooking a freshly plowed field

One says to the other β€œLets go eat our fill in seeds and worms.” They swoop down and do so.

Once all fat and happy they find a spot under a tree with the perfect amount of sun, and bask in the sunlight.

An alley cat rolls in and seeing the two birds. Thinking about how he hasn’t eaten in days, and sees two fat birds in front of him, he creeps up, and gobbles them in one fell swoop.

In the aftermath, he takes their spot in the sun, and as he’s laying down to nap he says β€œMan... I sure do love Baskin Robins.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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What followed the great war between multiplication and division?

The Aftermath

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/calvincondorus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Euler didn't have a problem with working on his calculations all night

but the aftermath was pretty bad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryshy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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Puns I only wish I could think of.

I got two. This was at a wildlife preserve while my family and I were visiting Alaska.

  1. SCENE: Lynx exhibit. WILDLIFE PRESERVER: "And these are our 2 lynx, we found them as kittens and they have always lived here." DAD: "They're lynx, huh? So where do they take me if I click on them?"

Aftermath: She didn't get it.

  1. SCENE: Moose area. DAD: "What do you do if a bear charges you?" FAMILY: "Wave our arms and shout at it." DAD: "And what do you do if a moose charges you?" FAMILY: "uhh..." DAD: "You give him your credit card!"

Aftermath: The sound of 3 hand smacking their foreheads.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ‘€︎ u/Space_Bungalow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Greatest dad joke? You decide

Back story for joke: me and my buddy were told this joke when we were somewhere around the age of 12 by his grandpa. The joke: two frogs are sitting in the bathtub when one ask the other to pass the soap. The other frog looks at him and says "what do I look like a type writer to you?". The aftermath: as the old man walked away laughing and pulling up his glasses as he wiped tears away, we stood there confused. I thought by now being 24 I would understand the joke but I still have no idea if the old man was just senile or messing with us. God help me....

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/catapult90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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My Dad stole a dead guy's money

talking to my dad about aftermath of Paul Walker's death

ME: I heard his family is making a donation to his disaster relief charity.

DAD: Not if I can help it.

ME: What do you mean?

DAD: I've been using his ATM card for some extra cash.

ME: Bull. You would need to know his PIN number.

DAD: I do. It's 0-2-60

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
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