I once caught a criminal in the midst of stealing some luggage.

It was a briefcase

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/CosmicNoire
šŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Lego stores have finally reopened in the midst of COVID-19...

and people are lined up for blocks.

šŸ‘︎ 60
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/andersonfmly
šŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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There's a traitor in our midst /r/PunKGB/comments/ej582cā€¦
šŸ‘︎ 7
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/MiamiMasochist
šŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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In the midst of an unwanted pregnancy...

My fiancee turned to me when we found out. Her comment: "Well, fuck. Wait, that's what got us into this mess in the first place."

...She's gonna make a great dad.

šŸ‘︎ 36
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šŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

šŸ‘︎ 87
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šŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Warlord assassination attempt gone terribly wrong.

A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.

However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.

šŸ‘︎ 5
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/possferatu
šŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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We were all watching titanic last night, and my dad lets this one rip...

We're watching the part near the end where the one lifeboat goes back to search for survivors, and everyone's frozen to death and just floating around the ocean. In the midst of this somber, haunting moment, my dad turns to me and says, "A lot of people named bob, huh?"

šŸ‘︎ 19
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/keanureevesnose
šŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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Enjoying Thanksgiving break with my very white family...

My uncle walked out of his bedroom wearing a green sweatshirt. My mom perked up and exclaimed in all excitement, "That's my favorite color!" My uncle, unflinching and without missing a beat replied, "Caucasian?" And gives the most wry smile in the midst of a racially awkward silence. I inappropriately giggled. I might be kicked out of the family.

P. S. I know it's not my dad, but he's a dad to some of the people who were in the room. So it counts.

šŸ‘︎ 8
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/aleclynch
šŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2015
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Best friend's dad's joke

He pulled this one last night at my engagement party, in the midst of making jokes about peeing...

"You know where grandma pees?

...Depends."

>w<

šŸ‘︎ 13
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/SomeRough
šŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Just happened, from my girlfriend's dad.

Sitting on the couch:

Girlfriend's mom: "Man, I need to get in shape!"

Girlfriend's dad: "Why? You're a shape."

I now know that I am in the midst of a great father.

šŸ‘︎ 24
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/VasyaK
šŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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My dad unintentionally made a dadjoke

While in the midst of a long road trip, my dad and I had this exchange:

Me: You wanna take a break?

Dad: Well, I could stand to stretch my legs...

šŸ‘︎ 2
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šŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Not in the typical dad joke style, but here's my dad's sense of humor.

We both work at a university caught in the midst of this cold front. I'm in admissions and he's the supervisor in the on campus power/heat plant.

"Dad, can you turn up the heat a little bit? The rest of campus is freezing."

"The dilithium crytals are overheating. She can't take anymore, captain."

šŸ‘︎ 4
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/NotAlwaysGifs
šŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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