He went completely off script.
I told her to join the club.
It's called Urine-Nation.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
I chose the 3rd guy as he was the medium.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
You'll have the rest of your life to fix it
Dead center.
because two of them together would be a paradox.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
You may be having an exit-stencil crisis.
Because he didn't give a flying flip.
It's my break fluid.
T T T T T T T T
Because he had no point
My doctor has a lot of explaining to do.
I want to save something for the semi-finals.
A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.
Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.
I replied "Yeah, they're looking pretty fourmidable."
Reviewing an insurance proposal with a client when we got to a storm provision...
Client: So BLToaster, does this other policy cover hail as well?
BLToaster: Absolutely.
Client: Hail yea!
Groans around the room while the client and myself cracked up.
I've had enough of these Paranormal Activia.
Mom: Squirrel Dad: What? Mom: It's from that movie up Dad: Oh... Duck Mom: what? Dad: It's from that movie down
I could not stop laughing in the back seat and I still laugh thinking about it today. (its been over 5 years since he said that)
They want to be put out of their Missouri.
Me - "Would you like to try our Turkey BLT special today?"
Probably a Dad - "No, thank you. I've been addicted to thanksgiving leftovers lately. I've been trying to quit, cold turkey..."
Slow clap.
"For example, if there is a big UPS truck in the road what do you do? Wait, actually, did you guys hear about the merger happening between UPS and FedEx?"
A round of confused "no's" pop up around the room
"Yes, they are merging, I hear they are going to now be called FedUps..."
As my dad rolls up to take me to lunch I text him "hold on, nature calls" as I walked to take a dump. 2 minutes later I get "I think you're the one that needs to hold on, just remember to let go."
