"MIDWIFE FOR SALE "

CAN DELIVER.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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My sister made this for her midwife πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bubbashley7
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2020
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Midwife:

People helping people get people out of people.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
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When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.

That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2018
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My daughter wants to forgo college and become a midwife...

I think it's time to cut the cord.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
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Midwife (handing me the baby): Make sure you’re supporting his head.

Me: That’s a great head you have there, Well done!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2019
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We drive past a birthing center (midwifes) and my dad-in-law says

"I wonder if they deliver."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EuphemismTreadmill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2015
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How do you know if the midwife liked you?

She put in an extra stitch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/baashcrndicoot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2015
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I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...

Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrippyGoods
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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Why did the doula buy a sports car?

She had a midwife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rando0821
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2021
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My wife's home birth went miserably...

I guess you could say there was a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shercroft
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2021
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My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.

She was having a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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Due to the Coronavirus, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff.

It’s a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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Our birth coach just cancelled, my wife is due any day now, and we're freaking out!

We're having a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rememberlans
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2020
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My wife and I got in a big argument over how she wanted to give birth.

It was our first midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 92
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JackMcCracken
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2019
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When my son was born the assistant dropped him so I proceeded to make some real lifestyle changes

It was a real midwife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChessGreatest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who was looking at luxury cars during his child's birth?

He was having a midwife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bag06a
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2019
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What do you call a maternity ward worker on the verge of suicide?

Midwife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zhydrac
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2018
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The girl delivering my wife’s baby was in such a bad mood today

Think she was going through a midwife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oranm91
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2018
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A man is in the delivery room with his wife, who has just gave birth

The baby cries, and overcome by his emotions on entering fatherhood, the man cries as well. The midwife asks "Are you ok?". He slowly turns around, a tear in his eye and says "No, I'm Dad."

(also posted in r/jokes)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 142
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/punsize
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2016
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Blood Test

I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,

So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.

Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."

At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"

she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"

What is happening to me?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/randazz0
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2014
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I'm soon gonna be a father, and I don't know anyone who will help deliver the baby...

I'm having a midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thecoffeeroaster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2017
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I freaked out after my wife told me she was pregnant.

I was having amid-wife crisis. Nine months later, she suddenly went into labor. I frantically tried to find someone to come to our home and deliver the baby. It was midwife crisis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ErwinFurwinPurrwin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2017
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Midwife For Sale

Can Deliver

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2019
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Midwife, handing over the newborn baby: Make sure you support his head.

Dad: Sure. What a great head you got there. Well done!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2019
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