Pharmacist Puns

Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

In the dram-attic.

All my RX's live in Texas.

Ashley Medicine

Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motrins

Do you think he would like a Pilsner?

Them: Ammonia cleaner?

Me: oh sorry I thought you were the pharmacist.

Now my pharmacist labels all my prescriptions "BY MOUTH ONLY".

I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"

One’s a pharmacist and the other’s a farm assist

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

Looks like I’m not cut out to be a pharmacist

Looks like I’ll never be a pharmacist

He asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any cepacol lozenges? I'm a little hoarse"

1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
12. PARADOX Two physicians
13. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
17. RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
20. PARADIGMS 20 cents

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX: Two physicians

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE:

And I'm prescribed Norcos

I look at the bottle and look at my pharmacist and ask, "What did Aquaman do when he was cold?"

Blank stare.

"He put a hydrocodon". Then I shake the bottle.

The groan was real.

I'm a pharmacist/toxicologist in an emergency room and I was assessing a snakebite patient. During the interview I asked the patient, "Do you know why we measure snakes in inches? Because they have no feet!" I was promptly kicked out of the room... Totally worth it.