As a pharmacist who usually writes instruction labels for oral medications...

Most of what I say to patients is ingest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheweduproach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Where did the pharmacist turned actor store his measuring equipment?

In the dram-attic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What is a Texas pharmacist's favorite song?

All my RX's live in Texas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tawa_Blue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Where do pharmacists go to cheat on their spouses?

Ashley Medicine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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It's not easy being a pharmacist...

Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motrins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliot91
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Shopping for the perfect beer for my pharmacist

Do you think he would like a Pilsner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theoriginalwookie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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So I walk into the pharmacy, and ask for a coronovirus cure.

Them: Ammonia cleaner?

Me: oh sorry I thought you were the pharmacist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RB9k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
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I made a mistake just once....

Now my pharmacist labels all my prescriptions "BY MOUTH ONLY".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodlyearth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Did you know you could have your ashes grown into a plant when you die

I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benneb10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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I made a comic for my dad. He's a Doctor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sooperdavid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Filling out prescriptions and helping to plant crops are basically the same job

One’s a pharmacist and the other’s a farm assist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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I earned a solid groan today

I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cellocat007
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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I failed my drug test today

Looks like I’m not cut out to be a pharmacist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johannes_Cabal_NA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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I can’t believe I failed my drug test today

Looks like I’ll never be a pharmacist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mtabor0311
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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A newborn pony walks into a pharmacy

He asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any cepacol lozenges? I'm a little hoarse"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salty904
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
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Pad your repertoire with these
  1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
  2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
  3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
  4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
  5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
  6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
  7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
  8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
  9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
  10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
  11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
  12. PARADOX Two physicians
  13. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
  14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
  15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
  16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
  17. RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
  18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
  19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
  20. PARADIGMS 20 cents
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Crockett
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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My dad just e-mailed me a list of definitions:
  1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

  2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

  3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

  4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

  5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

  6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

  7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

  8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

  9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

  10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

  11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

  12. PARADOX: Two physicians

  13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

  14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

  15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

  16. PRIMATE:

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideRemarkDept
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
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At the pharmacy picking up my pain meds after surgery...

And I'm prescribed Norcos

I look at the bottle and look at my pharmacist and ask, "What did Aquaman do when he was cold?"

Blank stare.

"He put a hydrocodon". Then I shake the bottle.

The groan was real.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2016
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Dad joked a patient of mine

I'm a pharmacist/toxicologist in an emergency room and I was assessing a snakebite patient. During the interview I asked the patient, "Do you know why we measure snakes in inches? Because they have no feet!" I was promptly kicked out of the room... Totally worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pharmerchuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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