Most of what I say to patients is ingest.
In the dram-attic.
All my RX's live in Texas.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motrins
Them: Ammonia cleaner?
Me: oh sorry I thought you were the pharmacist.
I'm going to have my ashes grown into an ash tree, with a grave stone that reads "he was dying to be grown this way" and in the back it will read "that pun was a grave mistake"
Now my pharmacist labels all my prescriptions "BY MOUTH ONLY".
One’s a pharmacist and the other’s a farm assist
I was doing a maternity shoot for a nice family expecting their second. The dad is a pharmacist. I told him that I was never very good at chemistry, but one time I read a book about helium and I could NOT put it down.
Looks like I’m not cut out to be a pharmacist
He asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any cepacol lozenges? I'm a little hoarse"
And I'm prescribed Norcos
I look at the bottle and look at my pharmacist and ask, "What did Aquaman do when he was cold?"
"He put a hydrocodon". Then I shake the bottle.
The groan was real.
I'm a pharmacist/toxicologist in an emergency room and I was assessing a snakebite patient. During the interview I asked the patient, "Do you know why we measure snakes in inches? Because they have no feet!" I was promptly kicked out of the room... Totally worth it.
Looks like I’ll never be a pharmacist
ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with
CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living
EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist
HEROES: What a guy in a boat does
LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money
MISTY: How golfers create divots
PARADOX: Two physicians
PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm
POLARIZE: What penguins see with
PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
RELIEF: What trees do in the spring
RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official