Doctor pun
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︎ Aug 29 2020
her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
Iβll see myself out...
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︎ Dec 01 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
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︎ Jan 12 2021
My doctor just told me that i was color blind
that came completely out of the orange
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︎ Jan 13 2021
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
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︎ Dec 26 2020
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnβt! wouldnβt! couldnβt! didnβt! canβt! The doctor says "don't worry."
βThose are just contractions.β
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
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︎ Jan 12 2021
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream
I canβt wait to rub it in
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︎ Jan 03 2021
I just went the doctors, turns out Iβm colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
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︎ Jan 04 2021
When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well just calm down and pull yourself together.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
My doctor told me I was going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Along with gender dysphoria, my doctor wanted to address my poor oral health.
She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I asked the Doctor βhave you got anything for excessive wind?β
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︎ Jan 14 2021
A man goes to the doctor
and the doctor says, "Go over to the window and stick your tongue out."
Man says, "Why?" The doctor says, "I don't like my neighbours".
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I asked for two doctors
But all I got was a paramedics
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.
Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I told me my doctor I didnβt want her to give me stitches.
She said βfine, suture self.β
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Doctor: Iβm afraid weβre going to have to remove your colon.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?
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︎ Dec 17 2020
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
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︎ Jul 22 2020
An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...
...just kidding, they know better.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tapeβ¦
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient....
he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
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︎ Dec 07 2020
My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.
I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?
Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
2 years ago my doctor told me Iβd go deaf
I havenβt heard from him since.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)
Teacher: βSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isnβt disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with oneβ
The teacher has everyone turn their body over
Teacher: βNow I want you all to stick your finger in itβs ass and hold it in there for a momentβ
all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first
Teacher: βOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I doβ
The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked
As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, βnow see itβs not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my classβ.
With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, βCan you describe the symptoms?β I replied, "Sure..."
βTheyβre yellow, Homerβs fat, and Marge has blue hair.β
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︎ Jul 01 2020
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?
He gets a taste of his own medicine.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Why did the pedal go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling depressed.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"
And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".
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︎ Dec 21 2020
A pre-surgical trans man goes to the doctor
Doc: βHave you had any surgeries?β
F2M: βYes. I had appendicitis.β
Doc: βAh. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?β
F2M: βAddadicktome.β
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︎ Dec 18 2020
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
π︎ 17k
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︎ Jun 30 2020
2 years ago my doctor told me Iβd go deaf
I havenβt heard from him since.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
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