Doctor pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordache_JD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)

man I should C A Rly good doctor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalTango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Doctor to patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes.

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingferret53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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My doctor just told me that i was color blind

that came completely out of the orange

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_8_my_pasta_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

πŸ‘︎ 214
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?

He now is a sturgeon

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/santino1987
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day

It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream

I can’t wait to rub it in

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 402
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium

"0mg", I replied

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,

it was music to my arse!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutieDwarf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon

Me; What?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Well just calm down and pull yourself together.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robjmcm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.

It really rocked my world.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der-Kommissar-III
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My doctor told me I was going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowewenthome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Along with gender dysphoria, my doctor wanted to address my poor oral health.

She prescribed me trans-and-dental medication.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."

Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_boris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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I asked the Doctor β€˜have you got anything for excessive wind?’

He gave me a kite

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkOnOrange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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A man goes to the doctor

and the doctor says, "Go over to the window and stick your tongue out."

Man says, "Why?" The doctor says, "I don't like my neighbours".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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I asked for two doctors

But all I got was a paramedics

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.

Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.

She said β€œfine, suture self.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20ftScarf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Doctor: I’m afraid we’re going to have to remove your colon.

Me Why?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?

She has A type

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cresendo77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...

...just kidding, they know better.

πŸ‘︎ 562
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bel0902
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…

He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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As the doctor completed an examination of the patient....

he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''

''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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My doctor was trying to describe the treatment plan for my frostbite.

I couldn't picture it, so she showed me a faux toe.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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Doctor: Can we talk about your weight?

Certainly. It was about 20 minutes, but at least the chairs didn't break this time.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgrl2494
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf

I haven’t heard from him since.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."

β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?

He gets a taste of his own medicine.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Umann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the pedal go to the doctor?

Because it was feeling depressed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gut86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"

And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A pre-surgical trans man goes to the doctor

Doc: β€œHave you had any surgeries?”

F2M: β€œYes. I had appendicitis.”

Doc: β€œAh. Appendectomy. How can I help you today?”

F2M: β€œAddadicktome.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaqdeezl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."

"Well, you just have to be a little patient."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon

Me why?

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
2 years ago my doctor told me I’d go deaf

I haven’t heard from him since.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrickshwazey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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