My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough

Now he can hear the voices too !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SGT-R0CK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the number one drug prescribed by psychiatrists in 2020?

Enemas, people needed to just let some shit go.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LorenaBobbedIt
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.

He said, "No hablo Ingles."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrawHatHS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the β€œP” is silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
At graduation the psychiatrist was given a wicker attache

It was his first basket case

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googonite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the French psychiatrist say to the patient?

Le down

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.

"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.

I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks in to a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts

The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFC-Wilson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my psychiatrist that I was always negative

'Good', she said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hrishic2327
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the psychiatrist say to the narcissistic cowboy?

"The world dosen't REVOLVER-ound you."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elektrikpantz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A psychiatrist favorite pokemon?

Psych Duck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zigibar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaylefko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing Saran Wrap shorts

The shrink takes one look at him and says β€œI can clearly see your nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my psychiatrist I felt like a dog.

He told me to get off the couch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

It only takes one, but the lightbulb has to want to change first.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into psychiatrist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap ...

Doctor takes one look at him, and says " Clearly I see you're nuts!"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.....

The psychiatrist says β€œSir, I can clearly see your nuts”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boonsnaba
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a cute psychiatrist today...

and now I can't seem to get her off my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SbeveLiedYouDied
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my wife to the psychiatrist and he said that she's completely lost her mind.

I replied that it didn't surprise me because she's been giving me a piece of it every day for last 30 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackypwns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My family took me to a psychiatrist when I wouldn't stop eating guano

Turns out I'm bat shit crazy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great psychiatrists?

They always know when some one is quackers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A man visits his psychiatrist wearing only cellophane wrapped around his body

The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Good news from my psychiatrist!

He's treated much worse cases of inferiority complex than mine!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist told me he thinks I'm crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion.

He said "Alright, you're pretty ugly too."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmcoy97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crows' psychiatrist get sent to jail?

Because he committed a murder!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LottaLottaMusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist clinic wearing nothing but a plastic wrap skirt...

Doctor says: " I can clearly see you're nuts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist told me I have a problem with wanting revenge

We’ll see about that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw my psychiatrist last week. I told him "I keep thinking I'm a teepee AND a wigwam." He told me "You know what your problem is...

You're too tense."

...

Too tense...

Two tents. Get it?

BA-DUM TISCH!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freenarative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday.

"I've been starting to believe that I'm a windmill," I said, "what should I do?"

"Sorry," he said, "I cannot help you with that."

"Please don't do that," I replied, "I'm a big fan of yours."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bicycle see the psychiatrist?
  1. It was always two tired.

  2. It had lost its bearings and became derailed.

  3. It had cycle logical problems.

  4. The cycle paths were starting to rub off on it.

  5. It was fed up with being taken for a ride.

  6. It suspected it was becoming cycle-chotic.

  7. It had been too long since it last spoke to a professional.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
You'll never hear a Psychiatrist urinate

The pee is silent

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gee_Soulomon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to my psychiatrist and said, "Doc. Every night I have this dream. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam.

He said relax, you're two tents.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adjiii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the psychiatrist and told her that I was a painting.

She said that I was being framed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been having some separation anxiety recently, and my Jamaican psychiatrist recommended that I bend an old pen around my finger as an exercise in self-assurance

Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrOontzOontz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only Saran-wrap pants

The receptionist takes one look at the man and says: β€œWell sir, I can clearly see your nuts.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fremenist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousin came out recently to his parents, and they want him to see a psychiatrist.

He said No. He was already seeing a lawyer for a while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why psychiatrists don’t want to visit Arctic areas?

They’re afraid of bipolar bears.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I wore my pants made out of saran wrap to my psychiatrist appointment yesterday.....

He said, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adjiii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist says I need to stop talking to myself

Psh...

What do I know?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimBap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dispensary and psychiatrist sharing rental space ?

Chronic Issues.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Failedcasserole
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
The psychiatrist was excited to receive a wicker attache. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GregoryTheBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the bunny go to the psychiatrist?

He was unhoppy.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bardner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad thinks he's a psychiatrist. He's not.

Server: Hi folks! I'm your server this evening.

Dad: Who were you this morning?

Me: Oh ^for ^chirst's ^sake

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blasphemous_Cat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report

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