My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough
Now he can hear the voices too !
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
What was the number one drug prescribed by psychiatrists in 2020?
Enemas, people needed to just let some shit go.
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.
He said, "No hablo Ingles."
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
At graduation the psychiatrist was given a wicker attache
It was his first basket case
What did the French psychiatrist say to the patient?
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.
I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."
A guy walks in to a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts
The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
I told my psychiatrist that I was always negative
What did the psychiatrist say to the narcissistic cowboy?
"The world dosen't REVOLVER-ound you."
A psychiatrist favorite pokemon?
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the 'p' is silent.
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing Saran Wrap shorts
The shrink takes one look at him and says “I can clearly see your nuts!”
I told my psychiatrist I felt like a dog.
He told me to get off the couch.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It only takes one, but the lightbulb has to want to change first.
Guy walks into psychiatrist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap ...
Doctor takes one look at him, and says " Clearly I see you're nuts!"
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.....
The psychiatrist says “Sir, I can clearly see your nuts”
I met a cute psychiatrist today...
and now I can't seem to get her off my mind.
I took my wife to the psychiatrist and he said that she's completely lost her mind.
I replied that it didn't surprise me because she's been giving me a piece of it every day for last 30 years.
My family took me to a psychiatrist when I wouldn't stop eating guano
Turns out I'm bat shit crazy
Why do ducks make great psychiatrists?
They always know when some one is quackers.
A man visits his psychiatrist wearing only cellophane wrapped around his body
The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts."
Good news from my psychiatrist!
He's treated much worse cases of inferiority complex than mine!
My psychiatrist told me he thinks I'm crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion.
He said "Alright, you're pretty ugly too."
Why did the crows' psychiatrist get sent to jail?
Because he committed a murder!
A man walks into a psychiatrist clinic wearing nothing but a plastic wrap skirt...
Doctor says: " I can clearly see you're nuts."
My psychiatrist told me I have a problem with wanting revenge
I saw my psychiatrist last week. I told him "I keep thinking I'm a teepee AND a wigwam." He told me "You know what your problem is...
You're too tense."
Two tents. Get it?
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday.
"I've been starting to believe that I'm a windmill," I said, "what should I do?"
"Sorry," he said, "I cannot help you with that."
"Please don't do that," I replied, "I'm a big fan of yours."
Why did the bicycle see the psychiatrist?
It was always two tired.
It had lost its bearings and became derailed.
It had cycle logical problems.
The cycle paths were starting to rub off on it.
It was fed up with being taken for a ride.
It suspected it was becoming cycle-chotic.
It had been too long since it last spoke to a professional.
You'll never hear a Psychiatrist urinate
I went to my psychiatrist and said, "Doc. Every night I have this dream. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam.
He said relax, you're two tents.
I went to the psychiatrist and told her that I was a painting.
She said that I was being framed.
I've been having some separation anxiety recently, and my Jamaican psychiatrist recommended that I bend an old pen around my finger as an exercise in self-assurance
Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only Saran-wrap pants
The receptionist takes one look at the man and says: “Well sir, I can clearly see your nuts.”
My cousin came out recently to his parents, and they want him to see a psychiatrist.
He said No. He was already seeing a lawyer for a while.
Why psychiatrists don’t want to visit Arctic areas?
They’re afraid of bipolar bears.
I wore my pants made out of saran wrap to my psychiatrist appointment yesterday.....
He said, "I can clearly see your nuts!"
My psychiatrist says I need to stop talking to myself
What do you call a dispensary and psychiatrist sharing rental space ?
Why did the bunny go to the psychiatrist?
Dad thinks he's a psychiatrist. He's not.
Server: Hi folks! I'm your server this evening.
Dad: Who were you this morning?
Me: Oh ^for ^chirst's ^sake