I went to see my psychiatrist and told him that "no one understands me."

He said, "What do you mean by that?"

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrists office

The man sits down and the psychiatrist says β€œWhat problems are you having?” The man says β€œDoctor I’ve been having the weirdest dreams, last night I dreamed that I was a teepee then the next night I dreamt I was a wigwam.” The psychiatrist sits for a moment and thinks after a moment he says β€œI think I know your problem you’re two tents.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeelsGoodMan10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I went to see a psychiatrist to get over my crippling fear of palindromes.

The bastard put me on Xanax!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a psychiatrist's office wearing only Saran Wrap

The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MSchmahl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.

Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.

Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a psychiatrist falls down on ice?

A Freudian Slip!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my psychiatrist for an update on my phobia of becoming a wooden pole

She said, I'll keep you posted...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'P' is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tricky1973
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear the Psychiatrist using the toilet?

..... because the P is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socdist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office?

”I can clearly see you're nuts....”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mefingers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a psychiatrist's favorite type of music?

Shrink rap

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychiatrist in a sauna?

heatshrink

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough

Now he can hear the voices too !

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LorenaBobbedIt
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SGT-R0CK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the number one drug prescribed by psychiatrists in 2020?

Enemas, people needed to just let some shit go.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.

He said, "No hablo Ingles."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrawHatHS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks in to a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts

The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFC-Wilson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
At graduation the psychiatrist was given a wicker attache

It was his first basket case

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/googonite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the French psychiatrist say to the patient?

Le down

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jspittman
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.

"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.

I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the psychiatrist say to the narcissistic cowboy?

"The world dosen't REVOLVER-ound you."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elektrikpantz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A psychiatrist favorite pokemon?

Psych Duck

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zigibar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing Saran Wrap shorts

The shrink takes one look at him and says β€œI can clearly see your nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my psychiatrist I felt like a dog.

He told me to get off the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

It only takes one, but the lightbulb has to want to change first.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryjam5151
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into psychiatrist office wearing nothing but plastic wrap ...

Doctor takes one look at him, and says " Clearly I see you're nuts!"

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.....

The psychiatrist says β€œSir, I can clearly see your nuts”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boonsnaba
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my wife to the psychiatrist and he said that she's completely lost her mind.

I replied that it didn't surprise me because she's been giving me a piece of it every day for last 30 years.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackypwns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My family took me to a psychiatrist when I wouldn't stop eating guano

Turns out I'm bat shit crazy

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I met a cute psychiatrist today...

and now I can't seem to get her off my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SbeveLiedYouDied
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks make great psychiatrists?

They always know when some one is quackers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Good news from my psychiatrist!

He's treated much worse cases of inferiority complex than mine!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A man visits his psychiatrist wearing only cellophane wrapped around his body

The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist told me he thinks I'm crazy. I told him I wanted a second opinion.

He said "Alright, you're pretty ugly too."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmcoy97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My psychiatrist told me I have a problem with wanting revenge

We’ll see about that

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the bicycle see the psychiatrist?
  1. It was always two tired.

  2. It had lost its bearings and became derailed.

  3. It had cycle logical problems.

  4. The cycle paths were starting to rub off on it.

  5. It was fed up with being taken for a ride.

  6. It suspected it was becoming cycle-chotic.

  7. It had been too long since it last spoke to a professional.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist clinic wearing nothing but a plastic wrap skirt...

Doctor says: " I can clearly see you're nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the crows' psychiatrist get sent to jail?

Because he committed a murder!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LottaLottaMusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday.

"I've been starting to believe that I'm a windmill," I said, "what should I do?"

"Sorry," he said, "I cannot help you with that."

"Please don't do that," I replied, "I'm a big fan of yours."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12mpclark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the β€œP” is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaylefko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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