"Go ahead," he said, "Knock yourself out."
He came highly rectal-mended
"I ran out of patients!"
... I had no idea he was such a big fan of that organ solo..!
They like to go Hippo-CAMP-us
A Cardio Jurassic Surgeon
He’s a real smooth operator.
They will give you a piece of your mind.
He was just trying to make ends meet.
They always get under people’s skin
"Well fine, then. Suture self."
Because that’s how a sting operation works.
He was a very good surgeon, his specialty was performing circumcisions. He was so good at it he didnt feel the need to charge, he just kept the tips.
He is a real smooth operator.
Home is where the heart is.
It was just holding me back.
He was charged with arboring criminals
He pined fir her fir months.
Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.
(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)
He likes to leave everyone in stitches.
It was good, but the title was a little on the nose.
... but I decided it would be easier just to unlock the door and let him in.
It's a dead giveaway.
Dentists. They receive a new kind of plaque almost every day!
My infant has a pretty flat head, when I took him to the doctor's office to get a referral for a helmet to shape his head, they asked what his name was.
I told them, "Well, his name is ___, but we like to call him Phillips to encourage him."
I got some truly authentic guffaws, and my dadjoke confidence rose a bit. I feel like I may be getting the hang of this.
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I think it's absolutely tree-mend-ous
He was the only one making dough.
But he changed my mind.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I Have a Bone To Pick With You!
He got the sack.
...They really know how to get someone to open up.
They use the key.
You never know when you may need to operate on Thai knee joints.
He could barely pull em off
His hand slipped
He's a real smooth operator.
A Branch Manager
This guy is so full of himself
He told the mailman, “ Ah... just what the doctor ordered.”
He gave the patient's family a heartfelt apology.
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
She sure knows the way to my heart!
He was hoping to cut out the middle man.
"But why me?" Asks the orthopedic surgeon.
"Who else can fix the hippest joint in town!?"
"I stand corrected."
Because he got to pick everyone’s nose.
He said it was Open Mike night.
Need a hand there?
Now that takes gall.
I asked my dad "When are the tree fellers coming?"
He replied "Monday, but I'm not sure if it'll be tree fellers, there might be four."
He said it with a stone-cold serious tone, whilst poking around on his ipad. The best sort of delivery for that sort of joke.
Went in for surgery early this morning and the anesthesiologist came in to get me prepped for surgery.
Anesthesiologist: Alright we're ready for him now so time for goodbye hugs and kisses.
Dad: But we just met!
Laughs were had by all.
Are you the doctor now? Because you've been testing my patience all day.
The nurses were talking about weight loss tips and the attending surgeon piped up. "You guys know the secret to losing weight is gambling, right? Just last week I was in London and I lost more than a few pounds."
His drill slipped.
Cause he thought the patient needed more of anesthetic.
But I can't stand the sight of sap
his heart was in the right place.
'We had a very sweet patient today' http://imgur.com/L9dcVEK
My dad and I (a pre-med student) were talking about our awesome cousin, a veterinarian. She recently operated on a panda.
Me: That's so cool, I wish I could operate on pandas Dad: Maybe you'll have a patient with A-Panda-citus!
It may not look great in writing, but I was literally left stunned.
So I'm at the promotion ceremony of my girlfriend's Dad today. He's being promoted to Assistant Surgeon General so it's a pretty big deal. He's giving his speech and he's acknowledging all the people who are in his life and have come today to celebrate with him. He says this with Surgeon General Murthy sitting behind him, "there are also two of my daughters boyfriends here with me, Mr other daughter's boyfriend, and Mr. Jack The_Baboons_Ass. Let me tell you something about the Mr. The_Baboons_Ass, if you don't know him, you don't know Jack." The Surgeon General looks on not knowing what too think while I'm cracking up. The Surgeon General then comes up to me after the ceremony and introduces himself, saying "Nice to meet you Jack, I guess I do know Jack now" and walks away
The surgeon said: go ahead, knock yourself out.