I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said: "Sure, knock yourself out!"

πŸ‘︎ 667
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.

If you can’t beat β€˜em, join β€˜em.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?

He was having problems with his sin(x)s

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
What is an orthopedic surgeon's favorite time?

10-donitis

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

His drill slipped

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"

And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.

It was gut wrenching.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yourlife602
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
John was the best liver surgeon in his hospital.

I guess you could say he always delivered.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SodArgon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend didn't trust the surgeon with no limbs

I said "don't worry, he's armless"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigconk69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with my cardiac surgeon

He was pulling at my heart strings

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a peace of mind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcc98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a sneaky alcoholic and a clumsy plastic surgeon?

One takes a nip of the tipple, the other takes the tip off a nipple.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I know a surgeon that puts organs back in upsidedown

I told him that's not funny but he said it was an inside joke.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsafestNumber
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to switch jobs from gardener to breast enlargements surgeon.

It was easy, both are basically implants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exturo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my eye surgeon if he has had a hard time finding work.

Since it's 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
During my hip-replacement surgery, I asked my surgeon if I could inject the anesthesia myself..

Surgeon: Yeah sure. Knock yourself out.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappLegend
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Heard about the time the surgeons rioted?

it was an...Insurgeon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.

Really takes me back.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone was super stoked at the surgeon ward party.

It was open Mike night!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I could never become a heart surgeon. Why?

I wouldn’t have the heart to do it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hungry-fangirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pilot230
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My butt surgeon was top notch

He came highly rectal-mended

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do African brain surgeons like to do in the summer

They like to go Hippo-CAMP-us

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my surgeon friend to an ochestra night yesterday - It went from good to great when he excitedly told me his favourite part was coming up...

... I had no idea he was such a big fan of that organ solo..!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alamerona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the surgeon's favorite instrument?

The organ

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bisc8-Capitalista
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a surgeon that operates on dinosaur hearts?

A Cardio Jurassic Surgeon

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PieceMaker42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a surgeon who specializes in pigs?

A pigeon

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/realistic_pan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My bald headed surgeon friend is the most charismatic person I know.

He’s a real smooth operator.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Gender reassignment surgeons should be called trans formers
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Every operation a cardiac surgeon performs is heartfelt
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are Surgeons so annoying?

They always get under people’s skin

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the ER Nurse say to the belligerent, know-it-all surgeon, who came in with a large laceration?

"Well fine, then. Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsUneek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the surgeon dress up a bee to remove a stinger from the patient?

Because that’s how a sting operation works.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
That brain surgeon really opened my mind.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A tree surgeon’s girlfriend broke up with him.

He pined fir her fir months.

Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.

(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my son's surgeon today pretty good.

My infant has a pretty flat head, when I took him to the doctor's office to get a referral for a helmet to shape his head, they asked what his name was.

I told them, "Well, his name is ___, but we like to call him Phillips to encourage him."

I got some truly authentic guffaws, and my dadjoke confidence rose a bit. I feel like I may be getting the hang of this.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goldraven
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What's kind of surgeon receives the most awards?

Dentists. They receive a new kind of plaque almost every day!

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenoblade013
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: β€œSure, knock yourself out!”

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gavelhead
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

"Go ahead," he said, "Knock yourself out."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 310
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matrose9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a surgeon to have my spine removed...

It was just holding me back.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My bald surgeon friend is the most charismatic guy I know.

He is a real smooth operator.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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