I could never become a heart surgeon. Why?

I wouldn’t have the heart to do it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungry-fangirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What do you call a surgeon that operates on dinosaur hearts?

A Cardio Jurassic Surgeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieceMaker42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!

Home is where the heart is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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There was a surgeon who accidentally killed a patient by touching his heart with his bear hands.

He gave the patient's family a heartfelt apology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flameoguy
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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Yesterday I confused the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza".

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baguettesniper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Every new McDonald's creates 40 new jobs...

20 heart surgeons and 20 dentists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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The nurse just told me that they can no longer perform the transplant.

My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOriginalGPS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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Dad jokes

My dad is getting a pigheart bypass and I desperately need some puns. From kid friendly to severely insensitive please

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πŸ‘€︎ u/noobninja1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Overheard this while picking up lunch today...

Bought some pizza slices and while I was filling up my drink from the soda fountain, there was a family of four talking about, of all things, medical professions. The daughter at the table said she thought a proctologist was basically a pervert since they'd be focused on butts all day every day.

The mom explained that you wouldn't call a heart surgeon who uses tools to literally crack open a person's chest cavity and muck around with things a serial killer, so why would you call a doctor who specializes in proctology a pervert?

The dad then chimed in "No that's not right... a serial killer is someone who uses Captain Crunch to murder another person!"

Silence at the table, and the daughter groaned rather loudly. I happened to make eye contact with the dad and just smirked and nodded, which made him beam, and walked out the door to hear him say "Right? Right guys?"

Well done, sir.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditaccount314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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