Did anyone know that Cardi B had an Irish cousin who is a lung/heart specialist?

She's named Cardi O'Vascular.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldsmobile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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I had to go to a specialist to check out my bladder. The guy I saw was frickin jacked and kept warning me not to forget an umbrella.

I was like what are you some kinda meaty urologist?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WheelyMac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Did you hear about the Goth computer security specialist?

He was hackin' in a coffin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superceder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?

A crop-toptometrist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prokostovich
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Where do communist IT specialists live?

Commrooms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dockie27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Why is a Nephrologist like a Pediatric Orthopedic Specialist?

they both study Kidneys (kid knees)

I'm a medical transportation coordinator and have spent too much time listening to medical terminology. Help me.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Had a date with a posture specialist..

She stood me up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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An eye specialist once told me a joke

It was so cornea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWolf2604
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.

That's my Mployment record.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I was so surprised to learn that there was a such thing as a pet amputation specialist....

it gave me paws

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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What would the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles call Master Splinter if they had become brake specialists instead of ninjas?

Master Cylinder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fubarfrank
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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A factory worker got his arm caught in some machinery, severing it just below the wrist. Unable to work, and with no income, he knew he had to see a prosthetic specialist as soon as possible.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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Took my car to a local dent repair specialist...

I asked him how he got into it and he said by accident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfzastrow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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Anybody need a Network TCP/IP Specialist?

If so, i am definitely the pro-to-call

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πŸ‘€︎ u/advancedmedina
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2013
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Teacher mentioned specialist who would massage one's aura in a lecture on holistic medicine...

..."I could really go for an aural massage right now" I said.

I didn't realize I'd spoken aloud until I felt everyone silently staring at me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djtossaway
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Granny: I've got an appointment with the memory specialist on Thursday

Dad: "Better not forget about it then!" (laughs a bit too much)

Granny: "Ha"

Me: facepalms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweatyface
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
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Anarchists would find difficulty working at Honda specialists.

They don't like a hierarchy handing down Civic duties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuba_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Did you hear about the new vasectomy doctor in town?

His name is Howie snippem. Specialist in Circumcisions. He works for tips.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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I'm working on a new movie script.

The plot revolves around an MD whose patients all have unusual symptoms and need to be seen by a specialist.

Working title: REFER MADNESS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grecianformula69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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There was a Sex Education Fair on my university campus today...

I asked one of the workers what display was supposed to be at the empty table next to theirs; I knew the worker was a dad because he replied:

"It was supposed to be a BDSM Safety table, but none of them could make it...I guess they were all tied up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anivepairofears
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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The landscapers at Johnson Space Center knew their jobs well..

They were specialists in ground control.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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The production staff of Car Talk at NPR
  • Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

  • Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

  • Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

  • Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

  • Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

  • Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

  • Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

  • Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

  • Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

  • Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

  • Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

  • Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

  • Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

  • Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

  • Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

  • Marine Biologist__________________

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcedPyro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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When obese people start to change, which countries help them in the process?

The supportive friend: "U-K?"

The advice friend: thinland

The personal trainer: Core-ia

And the health specialist: Germ-any.

Feel free to add more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcat74
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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'Eye' want to hear your best eye related puns

I've got work experience at an vet eye specialist clinic, and I want to be thoroughly stacked up on bad puns. Any ideas fellow dads?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lepreunicorn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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Dadjoked the nurse during the ultrasound this morning

My wife is 8 weeks pregnant with our first (twins, actually). Today we had an ultrasound to check on them before my wife is officially transferred from the fertility specialist to her OB/GYN.

Nurse: Both heartbeats are a healthy 144.

Me: Gross.

Nurse: What?.... Oh. (nervous laugh)

Wife: (facepalm)

Me: (ear-to-ear grin)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terminalmage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Some guy on the Bachelorette set me up on this one

Some of my family was watching the Bachelorette the other night and they were introducing some of the contestants and what their jobs are. One of the contestants was an erectile dysfunction specialist.

"Well that doesn't sound like a very hard job"

I cracked up at myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cawledgehawkey
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
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Having mole problems?

Call out specialist Avogadro at 602-1023

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drei-im-weggle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
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A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea[X-Post from r/jokes]

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea. Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again. The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says "Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gulzaar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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My sister dad-joked me tonight

My family has hired an tree specialist to take care of and old and rotten tree in our yard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: So the tree lady will be here at 11:00 tomorrow.

Sister: OK, but when will she leaf?

Me: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qmlazo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
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