I have no words to describe how angry I am.
He started pointing them out to me.
"Llama, llama, llama, llama, llama, chameleon."
++++++++++++++++++
I thought of this today while driving and smacked my wheel as I giggled. My girlfriend stared at me, bemused and confused.
I like it. I'm proud of myself.
Multi-level marketing
The worker responded “it’s our special tea”
Happy Father’s Day fellow dads!
http://i.imgur.com/YJcRvei.png
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
I'm putting my foot down.
It's half empty.
This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.
I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.
As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.
I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.
Enjoy
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
Aware wolf.
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
But my parents told me the sky's the limit
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
They put a cap on it.
Me: "Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
They said the sky is the limit.
A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...
Adding 1 more would make it 2 farty
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
Turns out he was a shit driver..
I'm calling it Guac-a-Mole
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
He sure showed me what I was made of.
I can still drink from the bottle
I'm an astronaut.
That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.
You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.
Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..
And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, “If you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”
Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.
Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.
And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!
And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..
“I toad you so.”
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Edits: Thanks for all the awards!
It was an Apple with very limited memory. Just 1 byte and everything crashed!
