A man bursts into his therapist's office and yells, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep dreaming that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looks up from his paperwork, looks at the man, and says, "I'm busy at the moment, so I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Me: Doc, I think I’m no longer canstopetid.

Doctor: Do you mean constipated?

Me: No. I had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
0mg?! You gotta be sheeting me Doc!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphadragoon89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The Doc is giving away treatments to remove boils at no cost

He's a freelancer

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dvd86er
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
Me: Doc, I have hearing problems

Doc: Could you describe the symptoms?
Me: Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Doc: "Sir, you've caught a very rare disease. "

Me: "How rare?"

Doc: "You pick the name.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
[At the therapist] Me: Doc, I have a crippling fear of big, empty spaces.

Therapist: A void?

Me: That’s good advice. Thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Who’s Doc Brown’s favorite Star Wars character?

The Man-DeLorean

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of docs?

Orthodox

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordVader1080
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Man: But I keep losing my Focus!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Docs here to serve
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AsefDian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My doc seems to think I either have a wizard or orthopedic footwear...

He said I have mage or healthy shoes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir-Danksalot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My doc said I shouldn't be making puns on diabetes its a serious disease..

I said I can't help it doc, its a pun-creatic disease.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IfuM52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What is Doc Brown's favorite drink?

Great Scotch!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Doc's office takin' the piss out of ya!
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilads
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man tells his doctor : "Doc, help me, I'm addicted to Twitter"

The doctor replies : "Sorry I don't follow you..."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctors office. β€œWhat seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. β€œIt’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. β€œBlimey!” Says the doctor, β€œhow do your trousers fit?” β€œLike a glove.”
πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvenTranslator
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, all five of my sons want to be valets when they grow up!”

Doctor: Holy shit, this is the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen!

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy wakes up from surgery. "How'd it go, Doc?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we amputated the wrong leg...

The good news is that your other leg is all better."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heinz-enberg_
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the docs because of sore feet..

He said "Gout."

I replied "But I've just got here."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Sir, I am sorry to say that you have onomatopoeia... Patient: What is it, doc?

Doctor: It’s exactly what it sounds like.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Okay doc, here's the list of heart and kidney donors in alphabetical order

Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-rad-kid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow i have to take onenote from that guy, made me laugh so bad i had to go to the DOC
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flareflo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Doc Visit

When Dermatologist finishes looking me over, he asks if anything strange was on my penis. ( I was wearing undies). I said " once in awhile the wife"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A bloke was getting upset when he found out he needed glasses. β€œOh glasses doc, do I have to wear them?”

β€œOnly if you want to see”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just emailed a file called RomeoandJuliet.doc.

It’s a play on Word.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks doc!
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œI’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. β€œYou’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” β€œOh, that’s terrible!” says the man. β€œGive it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” β€œTen…” the doctor says slowly.

β€œNine... eight… seven...”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The doc gave me 6 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Doc Holliday
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueLieutenant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I found an old file on my computer Romeo&Juliet.doc

Turns out that it was a play on word.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. β€œWhat’s wrong with me doc?” He asks ...

β€œIt’s easy, you just not eating properly” the doctors replies.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œI told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??

Doctor: β€œSir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”

Sorry, It’s not a good hearted joke.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my doc I need help because I'm addocted to Twitter...

Doc said he doesn't follow.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlrdyturntupD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So I walked into doctor’s office and said β€œDoc can you help me out ?β€œ

He said β€œSure, which way did you come in?”

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A98HondaCivic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to see my doc to get small squares drawn all over me.

It was a check up.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
-Doc, I have hearing problems

-Could you describe the symptoms?

-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato23860
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I think I have ADHD. I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

β€œBut I keep losing my Focus!”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A therapist was with a client when another client burst in and said, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having a nightmare that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards."

The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"

The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I feel constopetid!!”

Doctor: I think you mean constipated.

Man: No, I had a vowel movement.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
"Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!"

Doctor: "Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease I've ever seen.''

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Doc, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doc: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I have ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œI feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

πŸ‘︎ 735
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Patient: I think I have ADHD I can’t remember where I parked my Ford. Doc: That doesn’t really mean anything... Patient: But I keep losing my focus
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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