House MD (Dad of Medicine)

Patient: I don't wanna hear semantics

House: You anti-semantic bastard.

I grinned, girlfriend groaned.

👍︎ 58
📅︎ Oct 18 2014
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After turning on my computer in the morning, the first thing I tell myself is “I got this!”

I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.

👍︎ 30
📅︎ Sep 29 2020
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Know the difference, kids
👍︎ 7k
📅︎ Jan 16 2018
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Base? No, bass.
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👤︎ u/anksil
📅︎ Dec 16 2017
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I'm working on a new movie script.

The plot revolves around an MD whose patients all have unusual symptoms and need to be seen by a specialist.

Working title: REFER MADNESS

👍︎ 3
📅︎ Oct 06 2019
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My doctors name is Peter Parker.

But I just call him Web MD.

👍︎ 73
👤︎ u/America024
📅︎ Sep 28 2018
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I diagnosed myself with a form of ADD where I keep too many browser tabs open at one time...

Now if I can only find the WebMD page...

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👤︎ u/JH3M
📅︎ Jan 09 2019
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Here is what my dad posts to Facebook...

It's either pictures of birds or things like these:

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He ate pizza way before it was cool!"

"I heard they found that girl Amber who was missing." (There was an Amber alert in MD that day)

"Know what happens when you take "the" out of psychotherapist."

"If life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."

"Six more weeks of winter isn't so bad when you consider the official first day of spring is seven weeks away."

"At first, I hated the speed bump they put in my front street... But I'm slowly getting over it."

"Why is it impossible for a horse to major in philosophy? You can't put DeCartes before the horse!"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank gourmet coffee before it was cool."

"Q. How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Fish"

"I was going to take all of my old watches and hook them together to make a belt... But then I realized that would be a waist of time."

"Why all the fuss about the Redskins changing their name.

Just change the mascot to a Potato.

Then it's not only un-offensive but delicious."

"I think the NSA is spying on me. They're leavesdropping in my yard."

Bonus picture status

👍︎ 457
📅︎ Mar 14 2014
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What do you call a doctor with an online degree?


👍︎ 4
👤︎ u/Jdp111987
📅︎ May 08 2017
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Just pulled a reverse dadjoke.

My dad and I went to pick some burgers up at the butcher shop, and there were flowers outside that were placed inside of boots, like this. I said, "That guy must have had a pretty severe case of plantar fasciitis.". He just smiled and walked into the store.

👍︎ 2
👤︎ u/inferno845
📅︎ Jul 06 2015
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