The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...

The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.

Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.

They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.

After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.

So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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I saw a bumper sticker saying β€œI am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal”

Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Saw this on a veterinarian billboard: Ducks have feathers...

...to hide their buttquacks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DitMasterGoGo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian.

They’re immediately taken back to a room.

Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

β€œThis must be a mistake,” the man says. β€œI’ve been here only 20 minutes!”

β€œNo mistake,” the doctor says. β€œIt’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What do you call a lazy veterinarian?

Dr. Dolittle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Do you know a good veterinarian?

::Lifts up arms and flexes muscles::

Because these puppies are sick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?

An animal cracker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lmnox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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A cat walks into a veterinarian’s office.

The vet says, β€œWhat seems to be the problem?”

The cat says, β€œMeow.”

The vet says, β€œOkay, where?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mine_Menace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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"Dad, how come your appointment is with the ophthalmologist but mine is at the veterinarian's?"

"Well, son. You see, one is an eye doc and the other is a ewe doc."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nine_legged_stool
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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How are the veterinarians specializing in pigs' health called?`

Oinkologists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pleasenerfdruids
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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What do veterinarians and garbage men have in common?

They both make junk disappear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDorkside
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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I went to the veterinarian hospital the other day and was surprised to see that they had a small room reserved just to treat diving birds.

It was a little aukward.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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I have to go to the veterinarian soon...

Because these pythons are sick!!

*Flexes arms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swaggerhound3000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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A man brings his cat to the veterinarian...

The cat looks at the man and says "Meow". The man looks at the cat and says "I know, that's why we're here".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnearmedHelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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We hired a guy that was a Veterinarian as a sales representative...

he finally decided to take his career seriously and stopped monkeying around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Dr. Alice Smith is a veterinarian and a herpetologist.

See Alice for a reptile dysfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/disconformity
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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What do veterinarians use to disimpact their patients' bowels? imgur.com/81TNwtg
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megalodonwillrise
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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What do you call a veterinarian that starts his own business?

An entrepeneuter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ss5gogetunks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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I thought my veterinarian studied canine ancestry. I was wrong.

The AKC deems that a different sort of pet-degree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexJWhite86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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At the veterinarian's office...

The other day my cousin brought his 10-week-old Siberian Husky for a routine checkup. Apparently, this happened:

Cousin: So how is his weight?

Vet: Well he's not overweight, but he does appear to be ... a little husky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s317sv17vnv
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
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