Why can't you hear a psychologist pee?
Because the P is silent...
Batman replaced his first butler with a psychologist
What do you call an angry psychologist?
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
I went to a child psychologist once.
He was absolutely rubbish, he was only seven.
Why do psychologists like newsagents?
Because they have the most issues.
For years, my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn’t help me at all.
A psychologist is writing a paper on the ramifications of the unsocial attitude of the average person:
What does the mean mean mean?
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
What would you call a psychologist who doesn't do his taxes?
My parents took me to a child psychologist once, but that was a complete disaster.
The kid was only six years old.
Someone get that plunger a psychologist.
He has been dealing with a lot of shit lately and is trying to bring it up.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
I talked to my psychologist about my growing fears about death for an hour..
What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?
One of my family's most valued heirlooms is a night gown my great-great-grandma bought from a notable psychologist...
"What seems to be the problem?" The Psychologist asked the Elephant Poacher
"Ivory too much" He said.
My psychologist told me I'm crazy so I asked for a 2nd opinion
He said, "Okay, you're ugly too ".
I went to see a psychologist after I discovered cracks in the hearth of my fireplace.
I told him I was having a mantle breakdown.
Being a child-psychologist is so rewarding,
You hear the most touching stories!
A man walks into a psychologist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap around his waist.
The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts!"
What did the farmer talk about with his psychologist?
I’ve been trying to get my crush to notice me, but I can’t atractor attention.
What did the Mexican psychologist say to his patient?
My psychologist claims my issues stem from egotism...
But then, why wouldn't they?
What does a Psychologist Put on Before Going to Bed?
They put on their Piagets!
A psychologist, a pterodactyl and a psychic all go to the toilet for a number 1.
Never trust a psychologist to do your taxes
I told my psychologist I keep thinking I have grandkids.
She says I have allusions of Granda'
I always knew there was something wrong with my mother in law's dog. I'm no psychologist, but...
It clearly has maltipoo personality disorder.
Where do psychologists love to have lunch?
I really dislike that bovid psychologist down the road.
"To put the diagnosis in layman's terms, you have an attitude problem", the psychologist says
What is a psychologist's favorite Bob Dylan Song?
Did you hear about the group of duck psychologists?
They were flocking quacks
For the psychologists
My mum accidently made a brilliant unintended joke earlier.
Me: I hope classical and operant conditioning comes up on paper 2
Mum: What's that again?
Me: well classical has Pavlov's case study, do you remember?
Mum: oh yeah that's ringing a bell
What do you call an angry psychologist?
When I was young my parents sent me to a child psychologist
That kid didn’t help at all
How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one but the lightbulb has to really want to change.
what did the psychologist say to the man who walked into his office in saran wrap?
I can clearly see your nuts.
A guy walks into a psychologists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap...
The psychologist says “I can clearly see your nuts”
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