her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
What did the Doctor say to the constipated detective?
Doctor: Sorry sir but your body has ran out of Magnesium
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
My dentist looks like my eye doctor
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a doctors office...
...the nurse asks the rabbit, “what blood type are you?”
The rabbit says, “I’m probably a type O.”
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
I got a hammer lodged in my esophagus and doctors can't remove it
They say it's the worst case of a Thor throat they've ever seen.
My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today
Didn't see that one coming
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
A doctor moved from LA to Portland.
It was an Oregon transplant.
Doctor: Calm down, David. This is a very simple procedure.
Me: I’m not David.
Doctor: I know. I’m David.
When my doctor told me I had a deviated septum, I asked him how different it was from the average.
"Standard deviation", he replied.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
So I went to the doctor because of my constipation
He didn't believe me.
He said I was full of shit
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
Why was the doctor getting so frustrated?
He kept losing his patients
My doctor has discovered that I'm allergic to rice.
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness?
I said "NO, We all seem to enjoy it. "
I asked my doctor if he could refer me to a specialist about my addiction to board games. Draughts, Snakes and ladders, Scrabble....
He asked "Any Chess?"
So I said no, I'd rather go private.
What kind of doctor is Dr Pepper?
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
Why do doctors hit your knee?
They get a small kick out of it
My doctor asked me why I missed my appointment yesterday?
Doctor: I'm going to deliver the baby. . .
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver.
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
After the accident, the doctor told me I'd never be able to unclinch my hands again...
It took me a few days, but I've managed to come to grips with it.
Doctor leaning over a patient who is slowly falling asleep due to anesthetic
-
No worries Steve, this will work out just fine. It’s an easy procedure.
-
But doctor, I’m not Steve!!
-
I know, I am Steve.
Told the doctor that I have this eel that keeps bursting out of my back and crying.
He prescribed me some anti-BackTearyEel lotion to take care of it.
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
My doctor told me to start doing hand exercises.
I’m struggling to grasp the importance of this.
A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...
Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.
Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.
Doctor: Actually, it's viral.
Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.
The Doctor said I should drink more Scotch
Also, I’m now calling myself The Doctor
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
My doctor told me I'm going deaf
The news was very hard to hear
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
My Doctor wrote a recommendation for dailysex
But my wife insists that he wrote Dyslexia
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
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