Nurse Puns

He replied " I am probably a Type O"

The rabbit says, “I’m probably a Type-O”

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".

One day a nurse asked her why she didn't ask for grapes instead of nuts.She replied that you can't get grapes with chocolate coating!

Looks like I might have invisibility!

Javelin

In case she needed to draw some blood

The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."

Is an utter disappointment?

It’s where the Icy U is

When she got back, I asked how warm it is. She replied back with "Luke warm". And that is how earl gray got his name. (Not sure if this one is a dad joke)

Pfizer killing me now

“No!”, said the doctor. “I wanted a butt light.”

Sometimes they have to draw blood.

He waited patiently.

My dad: No problem, I'm patient

The physician was eating a comd

It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.

Because they were a Band-Aid

Labor & delivery at your cervix!

So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.

Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?

Nurse: Yes, a low one.

She says, in exasperation, “some arsehole’s got my pen.”

14 year old son: don’t worry, I’m patient.

Me: proudly crying.

Nurse: Hi patient, I’m nurse

To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."

My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.

Their response: “You, too; stay negative!"

Sometimes they have to draw blood.

Sometimes they have to draw blood

In case they have to draw blood.

Because sometimes they have to draw blood.

In case they have to draw blood.

Just in case they have to draw blood

Dad: No Problem, I'm Patient

Sometimes they have to draw blood.

Don't worry, i'm patient.

Nurse: apologies for making you wait

Dad: no problem, I am patient