What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?

She puts her pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 459
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pappajay2001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What’s a 4 letter for a woman ending with β€œunt”?

Aunt

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman asks: β€œWhat’s upstairs.”

The man reply’s: β€œUnfortunately the stairs don’t talk.”

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Millo234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.

No need to remind her every half hour.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Who was the sexiest woman in Greek mythology?

Medusa.... One look from her, made guys rock hard.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l1r2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tricky woman whose initials are P.B.?

Miss Lead!

..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pthelynese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 665
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. β€œFirst offender?” the judge asked.

β€œNo” she replied. β€œFirst a Gibson , then a Fender”

πŸ‘︎ 362
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I've met this french business woman recently. She was so beautiful and so wealthy, I just couldn't resist her and her lovely

franchise.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyNetF1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen......

What do you call a woman with two legs?

Noleen

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondrouswanderer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
My relationship with the woman I met bungee jumping didn't last long.

As we were both on the rebound.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Who came first? The man or the woman?

The man, after about 30 seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I used to be a man stuck inside a womans body....

Then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I dated a woman with a wooden leg.

It wasn't working out, so I broke it off. Sorry Peg.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".

So he gives it to her.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about the baby.

The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.

Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.

Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the woman with twelve breasts?

Sounds weird, dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShayD7118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection

the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: I saw a woman with 12 breasts

Me: That sounds strange...

Dad: Dozen tit

YOU’RE WELCOME πŸ’‹

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the woman who sat on the meat slicer?

Disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HerrDictator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow Balls

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I probably won't see Wonder Woman 1984 when it comes out.

I still haven't seen Wonder Woman 2 through 1983.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman standing between 2 goal posts?

Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 553
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman gets on the bus..

A woman gets on the bus with her baby, and the driver says:

"Jesus wept lass, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Understandably, she's very upset. But she goes and sits down toward the back next to a nice old lady.

The old lady next to her leans in as she sits down, she heard the whole thing, and she says to her:

"I wouldn't take that if I were you petal... If I were you, I'd go back up there and rip him a new one!... Go on love... ... I'll hold your monkey"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman that would rather stare at her phone than look up at the Northern lights?

Aurora Borealis

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

Thank you for your cervix.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saxtrav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.

Now she's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsaladapologist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman

I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said β€œI think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”

I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, β€œbut it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”

πŸ‘︎ 456
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hooligan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a beautiful woman like a hinge?

Because she is something to adore.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The woman in charge of our local primary school has decided to resign.

She wants to quit while she's a head.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
As a woman who worked for the church this past year, guess how much sex I had?

Nun!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miss_Aia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pregnant woman when swimming?

A human submarine

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.

Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad sat me down and told me that he used to be a woman.

I thanked him for being so transparent.

πŸ‘︎ 828
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rv0827
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Some say there is no way for a woman to play Cat Woman correctly

but Anne Hathaway

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the chances of seeing a skinny man next to a catholic woman?

Slim to nun

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?

Bernadette.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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