A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 24k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
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What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
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What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

Thank you for your cervix.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saxtrav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Some woman came up to me today and said she knew me from a vegan group

Which was really weird because I’ve never met herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BULbyCharTOle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you. Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/6Bazrael66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a woman and a computer?

I can turn on a computer.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waste_Arm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
The Invisible Man and The Invisible Woman got married.

Their kids aren’t anything to look at.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
I was once a boy trapped in a woman’s body

Then I was born

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I matched with a woman named Samantha on tinder. Guess my opening line:

β€œCan we chat now or β€œSamantha” time? β€œ

Btw .. this is my true story

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hahaha_Joker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...

She says, β€œOh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, β€œI don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

πŸ‘︎ 445
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a woman copies another’s boob job?

Identity theft.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shigekazo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
Handy Woman gets a job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"

The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"

"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I g

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Finally got married to the woman of my dreams from Czechoslovakia.

Czech Mate!

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy35365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
The doctor comes to a woman who has woken up from a coma, he says: "I am sorry to inform you that you only have one left leg...".

She, desperate, says: "But doctor, I need to have two legs!"
The doctor replies: "... because the other leg is the right leg".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
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After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman

It’s better to be honest, I just want to be transparent

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman that almost became a singer?

Nearly Furtado

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do by raising one leg?

Shake hands.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!

After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digeratisensei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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A man and a woman were on their first date.

A man and a woman were on their first date.

β€œSo, I hear you hunt deer,” the woman said.

The man looked away and turned red.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” asked the woman.

The man bashfully replied, β€œI’m not used to someone calling me β€˜dear’ on the first date.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johaen8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
Why did the woman miss the spaghetti train?

Because it went straight pasta!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
You know why inhaling helium will make a man sound like a woman?

Because helium is a no-ball gas.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenhamef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are sitting eating breakfast one day

And the wife says "if I died would you get remarried?" The man says " no don't ask that it's absurd". The wife asks for the next few days until she asks once more and he says "yes." The wife then says "would you sell the house?" The man says "no" she says "would you sell our bed?" The man replies " no no it's our bed" the wife says "would you give her my golf clubs? The man replies "no she's left handed"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EfficientStudent6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
A pretty young woman came to my door and asked if I wanted super sex

I replied "I'll have soup, please"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Own-Initial
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
A woman in the shower hears the doorbell. "It's the blind man". So she answers the door naked...

"Nice bewbs! Now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
So it turned out the woman next door is a nudist.

I’m on the fence about it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, β€œAre you single?” The woman replies, β€œYes, how could you tell?”

β€œBecause you’re ugly.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/some-ginger-dude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. /r/Jokes/comments/hrlc58/…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegendOfTrain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
My wife said she was leaving me because, β€œI can’t do anything right when it comes to housework.” Selfish woman...

...it took me hours to mop that carpet.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
If Wonder Woman walks around aimlessly, she is

Wander Woman.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madforfeijoa
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Man sitting with woman i guess
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HubbieDubbie123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
Don't ever stare at a woman's hip for too long son

It's just a waist of time

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrExusemeQDLF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
A woman told me she was in love with 14 soldiers and didn't know what to do.

I told her not to worry - it was clearly just a platoonic relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
Medusa has to be the sexiest woman in history

one look and you are rock hard

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/12cheese21
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to an Egyptian family and is named Amal while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan.

Years later, Juan sends his picture to his birth mother, who upon receiving it tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

His husbands responds,"They are twins, if you have seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

you can unscrew a lightbulb

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/volpesalvatore
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance....

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Answer the question woman!
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who loves to cook up trouble?

Miss-chef

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T1M3Tim
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A sailor wrote a book about how to win a woman’s heart

It’s called β€œThe Art of Seaduction”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who’s really good at catching fish?

Annette

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UYScutiPuffJr
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
I once had a relationship with a woman who lived on the houseboat next to mine

but sadly we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I used to feel like a man trapped inside a woman's body

Then I was born

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AssortedCrap
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
What did the scary old woman say when she found a gold cauldron?

I’m gonna be witch.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprmnstr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman on top of a house?

Ruth!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
This administration is aiming to put a woman on the moon by 2024

Boobs on the moon 2024

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a woman trades sex for a tattoo?

Tit-for-Tatt

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Malak77
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says

Wait, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 674
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who delivers mail?

Would she be a mailwoman or femailman?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tmlrule
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman that plays pool while balancing a pint on her head?

Beertrix Potter

(The 'Burnadebt' joke from last night reminded me that my dad told me both those jokes about 25 years ago! Definitely using them if I ever end up being a dad.)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haxorjimduggan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I have to agree with the people who say nursing is a woman's job.

Men can't exactly breastfeed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
A woman pregnant with twins was in the hospital with her brother as she went into labour.

She gave birth to a boy and a girl but the delivery was very intense and she went into coma for a few days. When she woke up the doctor told her about the twins and that as she was in coma for long, her brother named the kids. She said,"Oh God! Not my brother, he is a stupid idiot."

The doctor told her that he named the girl Denise and her mother said,"well that's not too bad, what about my son?"

The doctor replied the boy is named DeNephew.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_nowhere
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I always worry that when a woman sees me naked for the first time...

She’s going to scream and run out of the park.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PSN_Clamour_Kid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
My son is a man trapped in a woman's body.

He'll be born in April

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
A woman was sitting at her dead husband's funeral.

A man leans toward her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go ahead," replies the woman. The man stands, clears his throat, and says, "Plethora," then sits back down. "Thanks," says the woman, "that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.

I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.

As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.

The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"

I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.

I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I heard the woman who wrote Beyblade died today.

Let her RIP.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlightlyOvertuned
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

πŸ‘︎ 626
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πŸ‘€︎ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
How do you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose??? ;?

When she farts, it blows her shoes off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.

She seamstressed.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
An invisible man marries an invisible woman...

The kids weren't much to look at!

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
A woman actually wrote the song: "Itsy-Bitsy, Teenie-Weenie, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."

A man would have written: "Itsy-Bitsy, GIANT CRANK, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, β€œUgh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman storms off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, β€œThe driver just insulted me!” The man says, β€œYou go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Detroiter_1017
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?"

She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
A woman asked her husband if she was the only one he’d ever been with.

He replied β€œYes, the others were all nines or tens”.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KR1S18
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call a goat that sweeps a woman off her feet?

A Flattering Ram

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Nazi dolphin that slapped a woman?

Adolfin Hither

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lazerwild165
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
My son is a man trapped into a woman's body

He'll be born next month

πŸ‘︎ 804
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salted_Porkchops
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...

"No, but your hat's on crooked."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sineofthetimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmehdi_000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pregnant woman?

A bodybuilder

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/REAPER-058_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom

That is a big red flag.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom644
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
A woman tripped and fell off the balcony and had been cut in half. Still conscious, she was quickly rushed to the hospital...

Manager: what did the doctor say to the woman’s family? Me: after thinking ...yea I’m not sure Manager: β€œshe was ALL RIGHT.” Me: oh, I thought you were going to say β€œThere’s nothing LEFT.” The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured I’d post it here.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammin_Salmon94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
An old woman goes to see the doctor. "I'm very gassy, but fortunately my farts are quiet and don't smell. In fact, I've farted three times since you came in, but know you haven't noticed at all."

The doc nods his head, gives her some pills and tells her to come back in a week.

A week later, the old woman comes back and is very upset. "I'm still very gassy, but now my farts are really loud and smell like a porta-potty at a chili festival!"

The doc says "Well now that we've cleared up your hearing and sense of smell, we can do something about your gas!"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Help! A woman is melting!

Should I freezer?

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butterymix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
If a woman says she’ll be ready in 5 minutes, she will be...

No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Snowballs differentiating snow-man from snow-woman.. But the kid didn't carrot all!
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edgydonut
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Help! I have a melting woman!

Should I freezer?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butterymix
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report

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