I am a lesbian woman who has been playing with my pronouns recently. I have been thinking that since I am more gender-neutral in the way I look, dress, and act, I have been saying my pronouns are she/they. My one friend argued that this makes me transgender since I am declaring I am not on the gender binary. I said that I can still call myself a woman and feel comfortable as one, and that my pronouns are just pronouns and they don't mean that I must identify as trans if I use they/them. I am proud of my womanhood so I will continue to call myself a woman, but I can see why my friend thinks that calling myself trans/nonbinary would be appropriate too. What do y'all think?
There have been so many thoughtful and interesting replies and while I haven't responded to each one there was a message I kind of wanted to sum up from this all: as all members of the lgbtq+ community, we have a foundational camaraderie among us that brings us together in such a beautiful way! We are all learning and forming ideas about these sensitive subjects together which is so lovely and magical. We can all agree that gender and sexuality fascinate us and we are so lucky to have a safe space and wonderful community where we can grow, learn, and expand on these ideas together.
My conclusion is that there is so much openness and freedom when it comes to identity. It truly does come down to however each individual person wants to identify. And for those still trying to determine what suits them best, experiment! Find what feels right for you. At the end of the day you are the one determining how you want to identify to the world. Take time to find what feels right and when you do, own it!
For a lot of us LGBTQ+ homies, understanding and unraveling gender and sexuality was/is an incredibly difficult process. So remember to be respectful, kind, and loving to all our queer comrades, as we are so deeply connected by this rainbow thing of ours.
In regards to my pronouns, I personally like when meaniepoo boring cis straight people™ get all riled up when they see the "they" on my nametag or written elsewhere and I like educating them on the amazing topic that is gender. That might be my favorite reason to use she/they, followed closely by the solidarity with all people who like to experiment with gender/labels/identity.
Lately I've been wondering if I could be nonbinary, because I don't really feel that connected to womanhood and other women, but it could just be my autism. I don't know any autistic women/girls so I'm not sure wich it is. I wish to hear other peoples perspectives about themselves to try and figure myself out more. Also I'm not very familiar with reddit, so my apologies about possible mistakes!
I'd like to get into the nitty gritty, I guess.
I noticed a post in TwoXWomen by an Asian woman that was rightfully upset by the murder of Michelle Go. She described her experience of most of her street harassment being committed by black men, possibly mentally ill Black men. Other women in the comments, black, asian and white women discussed experiencing most of their street harassment being comitted by black men also. Again, maybe mentally unwell men, maybe not.
The general consensus seemed to be that the most extreme types of harassment, i.e being touched/pushed/followed were being committed by black men. I don't want to invalidate these women's experiences because being a woman...harassment almost goes hand in hand with the female experience. Men feeling entitled to your time, body, attention. Using their strength against people smaller than them. It's not new.
I am a black woman that has also experienced the lions share of my sexual harassment from black men. The only time someone has put their hands on me, it was a black man. 40% of black women have experienced intimate partner violence. Half of all black female homicides are committed in domestic violence situations. I mean, 4 black women were killed per DAY in 2020. Black women have consistently been put in danger and experienced violence in their own communities.
And now here we are with rising crimes being committed against women of other races, Asians specifically, it seems. And I can't help but feel like what black women experience is just...leaking out of the community. And burning whoever it touches. Because it burns us regularly but...no one particularly cares. Which is why I guess I find this so frustrating. Because it is a problem. It is. But what about the black women that go home to these communities and live in it every day?
I dont really know where else to take this because it just drives me nuts. There is a problem. A problem that black women have been navigating their entire lives. And I do not know how to approach the conversation when intersectionality is involved because it's like, shit, I don't know what to tell you.
Idk. Anyone had this kind of stuff on their mind lately?
I think about this a lot. A lot of these fundies talk about how women shouldn't work, shouldn't preach, shouldn't assume leadership roles, should focus on being a wife and mother. They talk about how feminism is bad and women role is in the home. Men inhabit the outside world and should be the authority on all things, while women should quietly and submissively exist in the home, tending to their family.
Yet, here they are, benefiting from the feminism they deride. They're out there on the internet, spending time and attention away from their husbands and kids to preach, lead, and probably make money. They're publicly opinionated and loud, inserting themselves into discussions that go well beyond homemaking and childrearing. They're fully leveraging the power awarded to them by feminists to spread their opinions and beliefs on a range of subjects.
Just because they're literally within their homes on their phone does not mean they're "in the home." The nature of home has changed with the invention of the internet -- your influence no longer extends to the people physically residing in your space. Today's fundie women aren't actually existing in a purely domestic sphere. They're very much in public, wielding considerable influence -- and more than likely making some money from it. The internet, social media, IS the town square. These women aren't the demure, homebound, submissive lilies they idolize. They're the epitome of loud and proud 21st century women, comfortably inhabiting all areas of society.
The very fact that they turn to social media in droves to have an outlet speaks volumes of why women worked so hard to advance women in the first place. Very few can exist in the home without any sort of tether to something more. Women wanted their voices to be heard and to have a say in the world. Now we have it and the fundies are enjoying that privilege to the fullest.
Hi, everyone! I'm not quite sure how to introduce myself. And that's actually a great introduction to the topic that I want to address.
I have spent the last 2 years of my life as a trans man. Now, however, it has become clear to me that transitioning was not what I actually wanted or needed and that I was just trying to escape my problems as well as my past. Thank good, I haven't taken any hormones yet, so I still have my feminine body.
However, it is still very difficult for me to perceive myself as a woman again. Unfortunately, I have completely lost the connection to my femininity, which may also be due to the fact that I actually haven't lived as a woman or a girl since I was about 16 years old. I wish to be a confident woman one day.
Therefore I wanted to ask what you do to feel connected to your femininity, or to celebrate it. Thanks in advance!
Scrolling insta and came across a post addressing a recent Focus on the Family article, how Genesis 3:16 has been mistranslated and misunderstood due to cultural preferences. The traditional understanding has been that women's sin, is to rule over her husband (exercise control over her husband). The author is saying this isn't what the biblical text is saying but instead was created by an organization to further cement a patriarchal system. I've enjoyed the author's writing and exposing poor gender theology since I've come across her, and have some nitpicks but they aren't major. She says a more proper translation is, "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you." Not desire as in "control" but desire as in "wanting", and the husband will take advantage of her desire for him vs it being about her wanting to control him. This post is less about the author and more so about the passage. I'm no stranger to bad gender theology and how it hurts people so I feel like my sensors are always going off. How FOF explains is how it has been taught to me and I haven't seen a different explanation for this until now. It certainly has me thinking and reading. So...what's up here? Discuss and enlighten me!
You know I love a good doom-scroll through fundie-land as much as the next snarker, but lately when I’ve been looking at Bethy’s posts, I can’t help but think: she is the farthest thing from “biblical womanhood” that I can think of.
I had to go check out exactly what GD thinks of Biblical Womanhood, and the first hit was a blog post entitled 10 Misconceptions About Biblical Womanhood. Basically the misconceptions are that you have to stay home, that you have to be submissive, that you have to dress a certain way - but there really isn’t a lot of scriptural basis for those statements. I wonder then, what does Biblical Womanhood even mean to Bethany (and Kristen, but let’s be honest, we hear so much more from Bethy.
To me, it seems like they just define it as committing to living life as a straight, cisgender woman and making it clear that others should do the same, and not having sex before marriage.
In almost every other adherents definition, Biblical Womanhood ALSO includes submission to your husband or father, not working outside the home, having kids, dressing modestly and in some cases not wearing pants/jeans/shorteralls, and maintaining a pleasing appearance and a clean home.
Bethy frequently doesn’t brush/wash her hair, we’ve all heard about the toothbrush thing, and she admits to not being much of a homemaker. It just seems like she’s phoning it in, and making scripture (or whatever) suit her needs.
it's okay that you're a DYSPHORIC BUTCH LESBIAN!! it's normal for you to feel nauseous looking at your body and want to rip your skin off when referred to as female it's a natural reaction to being a lesbian in todays society! why do you need to get surgery? are you ashamed of your biological wombynhood? it's okay just accept the fact that you are a LESBIAN!!!
wait wdym ur into men
(women with or without vaginas! all welcomed!) Sorry if im not clear, english not my native etc. But. In 2021, what book did you read that made you think "damn, that's exactly how being a woman feels like!" or "as i woman i felt this my whole life, but couldnt quite get it, but reading it, it makes sense!"
I'll be 31 this jan, and around last year a lot of things started to change in my point of views - for better or worse. And O want more. Please, recs!
idk what my issue is, I might be autistic to some degree. but as the title says I really have no interest in the performance. literally just wanna be a girl and be myself. I guess I could try experimenting a bit bit it still just sounds not worth the trouble. maybe I'll just be a miserable and bitter man for a few more years until my mental health gets so bad I'm forced to transition.
kinda just venting but yeah
Title says it all. I appreciate all of the shared stories relating to problems with consent, boundaries, abortion rights (aka lack of...), workplace sexism, and relationship sexism. These topics are really important and I think it might be time to share what makes us feel powerful and impactful in our day to day lives.
I'll go first-
One of the best parts of being a woman, in my opinion, is the friendships I share with other women. The connection I have with my girlfriends is unlike anything i've ever experience in male friendships. Women look out for and support each other in a unique way. I consider myself so lucky to have incredible friendships that fall into this category,
Also, I feel so lucky to be a woman at a time where we have more opportunities to chart our own paths, especially in STEM fields. I returned to school in my early 20's to get my BS in mechanical engineering and appreciate the skill set it provides me with. I hope that I'll be able to support other women entering STEM fields in the future, once I am employed in the field.
Often, people are taken aback when they hear I'm studying MechE. I always think its because my personal interests align with those often stereotyped as "girly." I like to think that embracing my career interests without altering how i approach my femininity to be "one of the boys" breaks down stereotypes of what engineers "should" look/be like.
I look forward to reading your responses.
Edit: All of the responses on this post are so heartwarming and wonderful. Also, please know that all women are welcome to respond to this post, not just cis women.
I figured that goes w/out saying but just in case there was a question (:
What helped me a lot with self-acceptance and comfort in who I am, was realizing that as a trans woman, I do have a womanhood, and recognizing that it's something that I personally choose to discover and understand for myself.
What does it mean to be a woman? I don't think I can answer that question for other people, but I can certainly answer that for myself. I can relate more to other trans women than to cis women, but I can also relate to cis women through certain common parts of womanhood. As a woman of color, I can relate to other women of color better than I can relate to white women, and as a lesbian, I can relate to other lesbians better than I can relate to straight women. And I think that any of us who deviate from the "norm" of cis straight white womanhood (add other prefixes as desired), can sometimes question our own womanhood. But we are still women regardless of that.
To me, I see my own connection to being female in a society with other women of varying experiences, as being a connection formed through shared experiences, shared situations, and shared perspectives. Societal pressure to conform to female gender norms and beauty standards, to form opinions on whether I care about "preserving my appearance" or "aging naturally", to balance between between cooperative and gentle vs standing up for myself, all of these things, they affect other women just as they affect me. By being a woman, I share in those social pressures, and I become able to relate to other women and talk with each other about how we have developed our own worldviews based on those pressures. How we've decided to define ourselves and live our own lives in accordance or rejection of those norms. Each woman walks her own path, and each woman lives a different life, maybe slightly different, maybe vastly different. And each woman may relate to and understand better other women who are in similar "categories" to herself, but together the paths of women all intersect many times, and that is why we all fall into the same category of woman together.
I personally am glad that I am a trans woman, and I am comfortable in who I am (with the obvious caveat of hoping that societal acceptance and treatment of trans folks improves). I think it's informed who I am, it's made me more aware of gender, the arbitrariness of the binary and of norms, and also how malleable it can. I am just a binary trans woman, but I think in the process of transition, I think I have a much more open a... keep reading on reddit ➡
Not sure where I'm going with this, but I'd like to hear your experiences from across the globe. A recent post where OP asked if it was ok for her to identity as black has spurred me to reflect about how much our experiences might differ depending on where we are in the world.
I feel like the North American black experience often dominates the narrative around blackness, which isn't much of a surprise considering how much American culture has been exported and imposed around the globe. But I think it's important to say that, for those of us outside US territory, this might end up putting an unnecessary burden on the construction of black resistance across the diaspora. This it not to say that black American authors, thinkers, artists and activists haven't contributed immensely to the advancement of our people - they sure have. Just look at what hip-hop has done for so many young black people across the globe. But there are others. So many others, from so many different places. And I'm bringing all this up this because I believe we can gain so much from being able to unite and construct a coherent movement against the white supremacy that has been rampant across the globe, specially in recent years. This is also about decolonizing our references and working towards a global anti-racist movement.
For reference, I'm from Brazil. I think we have a lot in common with the US, but at the same time, not so much. Most importantly, I think we can all learn a lot from each other. I believe most people here are from the US - and I would like to hear you too.
So, what does it mean to be a black woman in your country? Can you maybe recommend some authors and share some of your history? Maybe something you think is often overlooked and not taken in consideration during discussions?
Edit: the title should've been "across the globe", not only the diaspora. It would be awesome to hear from those in the African continent.
Please delete if not allowed. I'm not too familiar with gender dysphoria or nonbinary identities so I'm really just trying to learn.
I have recently started to realize that I am very uncomfortable with a lot of things traditionally associated with women and womanhood. One of the best examples of this is pregnancy/motherhood (and yes, I know that any gender can get pregnant). I'm not good with kids and I've never wanted kids. Pregnancy is one of my greatest fears. It both terrifies and repulses me. In fact, it is one of the biggest reasons that I have never had sex despite being in my mid-20s. I looked this up a few days ago and most sources said the fear usually stems from fear of something going medically wrong. I don't think this is the case for me. It's more like, I just don't want that. I hate the idea that my body is biologically designed to carry a child. This hits especially hard when I'm on my period. All of the bloating and pain and discomfort, all for something that I never want, that I would never choose for myself.
Another example I noticed more recently is that I really dislike the idea of staying home and not working, or more specifically, being expected to want that. I see these studies about how most women are happier staying home, and I see people online using this as an argument for why society should encourage women to get married ASAP and be housewives. It makes me feel gross. I know that a lot of people (of all genders) prefer this lifestyle, but I don't, and it really bothers me that there are so many people out there who think they understand my goals and desires better than I do. I know that there are tons of career-oriented and successful women out there, but I'm not especially ambitious or career-focused. I just don't want to fit into the role of a homemaker or housewife.
I've always considered myself to be a feminist, but the type of feminism I've always leaned toward is along the lines of, "women can be strong and rational, men can be sensitive and nurturing, we should encourage everyone to be themselves instead of enforcing gender roles." This sounds the most like radical feminism from what I've read online, but I've also heard that there is a link between radical feminism and transphobia, and I don't want to associate with that.
Aside from those things, I generally feel pretty androgynous in the way I express myself. On one hand, I have a very cute and girly side. I love pa... keep reading on reddit ➡
After being more open in regards to my gender identity (NB Transfem) with my friends, i have had a few encounters - especially with friends who are cis women - that were a bit, let‘s say difficult for me.
What i mean, is that my wishes to transition were often met with confusion as to why „i would ever want to be a woman“. Being a woman is way harder, society sucks and you get treated worse, job prospects / pay, and - fairly often - „if i could choose, i wouldn‘t want to have a period and i can not understand how you would want to go the route of HRT with the period (like?) symptoms associated with it“
And yeah, i totally get that being a woman can really fu***ng suck, not only in this society, but in general. I mean, it‘s not like i don‘t know or care about all the oppression and discrimination in this patriarchal system.
But it just feels weird to justify my „womanhood“ or me wanting/needing to transition in order to be able to live a happy life - to a cis woman (and good friend). I don‘t want to invalidate their struggles, or make it seem like i don‘t understand where they are coming from.
Idk, i guess it‘s just kinda frustrating not being understood by people you thought would be able to relate a bit more to your struggles.
Oh, well. Sorry for this vent post.
And to finish it off with a question: Did y‘all experience similar situations, and if so, how did you deal with them? (Be it women not understanding mtf transition, or men not understanding ftm transition - or people not understanding or invalidating NB peeps and their wishes to transition/ or not transition) And, am i even in the right to feel kinda rubbed the wrong way by these exchanges? Or am i just misunderstanding smth. /misattributing stuff and it‘s all just a-okay?
Anyway, thanks y‘all for your input - even if it‘s just reading- and have a nice day.
In advance: Sorry for bad english
To keep the long story short, I was treated badly by girls when I was still a child, quickly went into internalised misoginy phase, discovered redpill forums and made myself miserable to the point that to this day I'm afraid of talking about myself with female pronouns on the internet, because I think that everyone will instantly hate me
I'm seventeen now, I have no female friends with which I could talk about my insecurities, that's why I wanted to ask for recommendations for games (I think those would help me the most), books, cartoons, anything to be honest with nice female cast, it can be something about characters struggling with problems they face in life, but girls unapologetically being girls and having a good time will be cool too.
Yeah I know that my problems won't be solved by just consuming media for girls, but I don't even know how I should approach all of this so for now watching/playing/reading something nice has to be enough
It's my first post so I hope It's appropriate for this sub and thanks for reading
I feel very validated in my femininity every time a straight guy shows hints he finds me sexually appealing.
Over a year and half on hormones here but male attention feels so good for my validation.
The fact that he, a straight guy, is aroused by me is a confirmation of the power of my feminine energy and womanhood.
Anyone else recognizing this?
*I apologize ahead of time if this is phrased incorrectly or coming from the wrong place.
**I am a cis male, just curious about gender identity for someone who is in the dark about the real issues.
I've been doing some thinking and here is my question. In my opinion men and women are equals so what about being assigned male at birth but identifying as female (and possibly transitioning to female and vice versa) mean to you?
I want to understand why gender identity is crucial to your overall being. I am looking to be enlightened thank you very much for your time.
***Thank you everyone for your comments, I know I can't directly relate or understand what many of you are going through on a daily basis but as a human I can definitely empathize with you all. Reading some of these comments really opened my eyes and I thank you all for sharing your experiences. It may not mean much but you definitely have a friend and supporter in me and I wish you nothing but the best in finding your own happiness in life.
Non fiction and fiction both welcome
I have intense gender dysphoria about my female body parts and would like to be perceived as femme-androgynous, and am even questioning if I'm agender, but I find myself identifying with some parts of womanhood, too...but only super specific, idealized parts?
I've joked that my gender is 'human she-wolf' because the only form of womanhood that I vibe with is the idealized caricature of a witchy, powerful wolf goddess who's connected to the earth and is made up of a murder of crows or something, lol.
Like, womanhood is such a broad and beautiful spectrum, but I only vibe with that one specific (fictional?) aesthetic...
Has anyone read or heard of "Fascinating Womanhood"? Well it's essentially a reactionary book against Betty Friedan's book and it's awful. The oldest daughter of the book is continuing the tradition and she claims that the Disney movie "Tangled" holds these principles. The author was also great friends with Phyllis Schlafly who was another tradcon. A lot of the stuff in the book is very concerning.
You can literally get called a pick me for anything. It’s no different than when girls used to get called sluts for having had more than one sexual partner. People say it’s just to critique women who are doing things for male validation or approval, but the way I see it is that it’s no different when they got called whores and in fact? Probably worse because now people have tied this idea of a “good woman” behind it and it goes deeper than just who she has sex with. Even men call women pick mes just for not performing womanhood the correct way and it goes viral.
Support trans people? Pick me
Like video games? Pick me
Dislike pink? Pick me
Wear makeup? Pick me
Don’t wear makeup? Pick me
Like femininity? Pick me
And the worst of it all is that these people who claim to be against misogyny are just finding different ways of promoting it. If you aren’t performing womanhood (whether activities, appearance, or opinions) in a way they deem valid, then the only reason you're doing it is to be a “pick me”.
Everyone I’ve had to deal with being called a pick me, it’s always been for that. Not because I did something fucked up like justifying rape, assault or abuse, but because I expressed an opinion that didn’t go with their idea of womanhood. I’ve been called a pick me for liking videos games (or being too vocal about it), for being a tomboy, for wearing lolita, for not wearing makeup, for being poly, for being bisexual, for liking bdsm, drawing nsfw content, playing otome games, for thinking sex workers shouldn’t be shamed or shunned for their profession, among other things. Hell I’ve been called a pick me for saying a male character in a video game is cute and for saying women who participate in bdsm are not asking for nor deserve abuse.
Why can’t people just exist and if you have criticisms towards an action or opinion someone has, actually critique that instead of claiming it’s just male validation. Why can’t I just exist as myself without someone criticizing my interests or identity as “pick me”? Why? Why can’t other women just exist without other women calling them a pick me for what basically amounts to not performing womanhood correctly and men get a free pass to do it from the same people who claim to be against misogyny?
Ain’t shit changed its just under a different banner that is now more socially acceptable than calling them a slut or bimbo.
Foreword: This is my honest opinion on the way women explain womanhood to trans women and our luckiness on "not having to deal with" a multitude of social and hormonal problems associated with womanhood. This is not meant to be a representation of the transgender, specifically the MtF, community as a whole, but rather a representation of myself. Anyone who agrees with these opinions is also merely representing themselves within the community rather than the community as a whole.
I further apologize for the formatting as I am typing this on PC rather than mobile.
My problem with the topic of womanhood within the trans community:
About a month ago, my girlfriend, who I am very fortunate to have and supports me endlessly, and I decided that we would order some Buffalo Wild Wings to go, play some videogames, and watch New Girl as our date night rather than the traditional date night we would usually have. This was a Friday night, so, as expected Bdubs was taking longer than usual putting the order together due to the increased amount of traffic. This led to my girlfriend and me to wait in my car at the Bdubs parking lot, which then led to us having a rather deep talk about how womanhood works when it comes to a transgender woman like myself.
This conversation starts with the monthly period. I had been experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil that week which aligned with my sister, with who I live. I remember being overly anxious about school, work, and bills, more than I usually ever am. It was then my sister and I realized that I was having my "version" of a period. Upon telling my girlfriend that story, her immediate response, not verbatim, was, "Well, you don't have a real period. You couldn't even call that a period." As one can imagine, I was distraught when she said those few words, words I followed up with, "You have no idea what I would give to experience a 'real' period," followed by a few tears. Her tone changed to apologetic when she realized this was a sensitive subject for some trans women.
This, for quite some time, has led me to think more about the way womanhood and the idea of womanhood can have a deep effect on the trans community. My problem boiled down specifically to the thought that trans women are, in a sense, lucky to not have to experience some of the hardships that come with being a woman. In my case, I would not consider myself lucky, I would consider myself **misfortunate to not be born a woman, but fortunate... keep reading on reddit ➡
My wife and I have no children yet, but we want kids. Both of us come from conservative patriarchal Christian families. We have a relationship based on equality and respect, but find ourselves looking very 1950’s in our relationship.
We are Unitarian in belief but I really like earth religion and Wicca because it is a woman centered/human centered. If we have daughters I want them to see the mystery and power of womanhood from an empowered prospective. I’m worried about exposing my wife as she’s just come around from the old Christian ways.
Thoughts on supporting the empowerment of my wife and future daughters?