My step mom comin through with the spice girl puns
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayleygrus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, β€œWindow or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, β€œWindow or you’ll what?”

πŸ‘︎ 20k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nandos677
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Catboy is a boy with cat ears and catgirl is a girl with cat ears

Since I’m neither gender with cat ears, does that make me Nyan-binary?

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEnBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl.

Her name was Himcules

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 870
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a girl with 12 breasts

Sounds strange, Dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 278
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles!

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vissik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into this vegan girl who said she knew me

I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 545
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKingOfRhye777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a girl who married a Chinese.

She had to Chang her last name.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BonsamBesuDMC2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I went on a blind date with a vegan girl.

Never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?

Because there's a new issue with you everyday.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a girl in a wheelchair laugh today.

She was rollin’

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheClincher7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

πŸ‘︎ 29k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/megad1rt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?

First, a tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If a girl is preventing you from reaching your goal....

Then she's a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spiderkc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl asked me if I was antisocial....

I said I don't care if others are social as long as they leave me out of it

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eluchel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied β€œScrew you!”

So I'm pretty excited for the new year!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!

Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redirishlad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 657
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?

They don’t want to get qwerties.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the father say to his trans girl child?

"You're no son of mine"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DottComm2863
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...

...and boys develop them around the age of forty…

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RICKDOGG424
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do white girls travel in odd number groups?

Cuz they literally can’t even

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuckleberry__Finn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up?

Because they have no balls to scratch!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Santosh_Devadiga
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Girls with a passion for eating fashion
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/park-pas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...

"Your kid in me."

πŸ‘︎ 740
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The little girl lined her dolls up at the cookout.

It was a Barbie queue.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.

Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol?

Geri can

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pdew72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gliscor_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.

Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we know all ants are girls?

Because if they were boys and we’d call them uncles.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chawjubs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
So a blonde girl is deciding to be a videogame Youtuber....

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Thai girls are like a box of chocolates....

You never know which ones have the nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a girl for her hand. She thinks I'm nuts.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/All-Bets-Are-Off
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl on Tinder told me she wanted to be friends with benefits.

But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday

She lost her hearing.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeSayAye
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist

Her soul got repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg

but I broke it off.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78

At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story. At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I once met a girl with 12 breasts. It sounds strange...

Dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devdevo1919
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…

Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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