My step mom comin through with the spice girl puns
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayleygrus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?

Burnadebt

(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Timallne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
How do u seduce a farm girl?

A tractor

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xzander3112
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl fall in the well?

She didn't see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s1_amit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
My wife was surprisingly happy when she found out I was sleeping with another girl

Our daughter was happy she was okay with it as well

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My 6yo girl: our Shih-Tzu never tells the truth

Because he’s a lyin’ dog...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?

Because OMG they can’t even.

πŸ‘︎ 497
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Asian girls don’t poop...

...they take dumplings.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
Hey girl are you HTTP?

Because you're really insecure

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/insane_playzYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with a girl whose father named his kids after fruits..

Unfortunately he also objected to our marriage but we couldn't run away to get married, because she Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gyani
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Currently outside with my girls.

2 year old was running and a bee started flying across her path. She stopped, pointed at it and made a semi distressed, "uuh uuh!" sound. I told her, "You're ok .....just let it bee."

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers

So far all I have is 9.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...

... she said it was good to talk abou tit

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ismailizhere
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...

His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
A girl opened a studio called TatTat. When asked what the name meant, she replied...

It's a tat 2 studio

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?

An H2Hoe

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chandan_2294
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
It is just a pun, girl!
πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Why do teenage girls always walk in odd numbers

Cuz they like can’t even

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikolas306736
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.

I thought β€œwow, that’s pretty metal.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
A girl at the furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."

"She became a little spore addict."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl blush when she opened the refrigerator?

She saw the salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aplay1
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
We have a girl named Zara on our team...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kitkat_narwhal
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
How does Darth Vader like his girls?

On the dark side...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/serendipity_7
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I always liked those spice girls back in the 90s. What were their names again?

Oh yeah, Salt-N-Pepa

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
There's a vegan girl over there

Are you sure you haven't met herbivore?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy__East
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."

"...not our Sun."

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.

After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.

I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
I just saw my friend sweep a girl off her feet.

He’s a really aggressive janitor.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels.

Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/revolut1onname
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Today I met a girl with 12 tits today

Sounds weird, dozen tit?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skrrrooch
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
A girl tried to sleep with me for Adderall

Attention whore

By: Matthew Broussard

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I would tell you guys a joke about this girl I know who only eats greens, however

You guys probably never heard of herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Girafffiiee
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often

I said no, the cars are much faster

πŸ‘︎ 476
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arnowhite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
Don’t think the girl from take on me should date him.

He looks a bit sketchy.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tezrion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...

So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.

(Cancel on me)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
β€œThere’s a puppy on that girls shirt.”

no, that’s a top dog

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walk

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I want to tell you all about this girl who only eats plants...

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammogram
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.

You've probably never heard of herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsweepin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My high school did a musical of a guy taking a girl out to dinner...

It was a play-date!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
How to tell the sex of an ant. Drop it in water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats....

Buoyant.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loidz45
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Why do teenage girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

πŸ‘︎ 357
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
[Help] I am asking this girl to prom and putting the message on a button... she really likes puns but I can’t come up with any can I have some help?

She really likes debate, she runs a debate club. She likes chocolate cake. Her favourite animal is a tortoise. She is really good at playing instruments and she plays the bassoon. Anything will help, thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BOMBZABOMB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
When I was in college, I used to live in a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
My son asked me how to tell a boy squirrel from a girl squirrel.

I told him to check for nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
A Scotsman stumbles out of the bar and as he is walking down the street, he walks past a girl.

The girl asks, β€œis it true that there’s nothing under that kilt of yours?” The Scotsman replies, β€œwhy don’t you reach under and see for yourself?” The girl reaches under his kilt and quickly removes her hand. β€œDear god, that’s gruesome!”

The Scotsman replied back β€œAye, and if you reach up under there again, you’ll see it’s gruesome more.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jetmover78
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice

I told her that she’s rice-ist

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...

The decision was rash.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I just discovered that Cardi B's mother was one of the Spice Girls.

Stage name: Cardamom

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I lent a girl my umbrella yesterday

now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. :(

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amossycar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A grocery store caught a girl stealing bananas.

They had no choice but to ban Anna.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wayj99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted to ask a girl out, but every time he'd get her on the phone he'd freak out and abruptly disconnect..

He had too many hang-ups.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I found this on my girl's dress, and she told me to post a thread on Reddit. She's so punny.
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneWhoOlives
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
A girl invited me to have sex on her Honda Civic

But i like to have sex on my own Accord

πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mgl51995
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
A goose attacked a little girl for fun and said

I thought she'd duck

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTB03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
If boys have Adam's apple, what do girls have?

Eve's drop

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw a girl on Instagram trying to catch covid-19 to get famous.

Apparently she wants to be a social media influenza

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickobeano
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a movie star steals your girl?

The classic "chick-flick"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/here_cos_of_my_bf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
If Kim Jong Un married a Puerto Rican girl, his heirs would be called

Kim Jong Un, Dos, Tres..

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Hey girl...
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pvtpigpyle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
I was on safari last year and spoke to a native African girl for hours

We just clicked

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I know a girl from London named Brittany

I know another girl from New York named Americany

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthew_______
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My wife said if I didn't stop singing "1975's Girls" she would leave me

I said "No, I think you better go"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call when cute girls line up for a feast?

Barbie queue

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troy_lc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.

She took it as a condiment.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?

If it sinks it's a girl ant

If it floats it's boy ant

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I’m not like the other girls

I’m a boy

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A1B1D1U1L1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Girl, you can call me coronavirus

Cos I'll take your breath away

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/303AL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
If a girl thinks long and hard enough about becoming an e-girl, does that make her thotful?
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WickedSamaritan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that girl who thought she was a small sailboat?

She's just a little dinghy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant?

You throw them in water, if it sinks, it’s a girl ant, and if it floats, it’s a...

Buoyant!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/comefindme1231
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture... I told her I’m just looking for matches.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How will a tomato seller will tell his girl that he likes her ?

Seller : I like you from my head TO-MA-TOES

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HahaNotSoFunnycom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Which one of the spice girls can hold the most gas?

Geri can

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BenchDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Why are valley girls so odd?

Because they can't even!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_didnot_sayit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
What do you call an E-girl convention?

A SIMPosium!

(Not here to hate on simps just a pun i thought of)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LukeGreywolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
I asked a german girl for her phone number. She only gave me one digit though.

9

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HOM51
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Damn girl, is your posterior an analogy for a disgruntled employee that refuses to leave the premises after being asked to voluntarily terminate?

Because your ass just won't quit.

EDIT: you clicked knowing what the punchline was going to be... so that's on you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mango__reinhardt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
What do you call sex with an anime cat girl?

Sixty-Nyaaaaan

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixAurum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 26k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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