My step mom comin through with the spice girl puns
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"
Slim to Nun?
(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"
"Yes." she replied.
"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"
She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
What do you call a girl who refuses to pay her bills?
(Just thought of this and I gotta admit...I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
A girl told me to take off her shirt and skirt
Then she told me to take off her heels and bra, then she told me to take her panties off. And then she told me to stop wearing her clothes
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.
We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.
A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"
I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.
What kind of girl is creamy and keeps you up all night?
Medusa was the hottest girl ever
One look and you're hard forever.
What’s a sorority girl’s favorite coffee drink?
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They are all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles!
How do you get a country girl’s attention?
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
More stock photo puns from this silly site😃😃 Is that the girl from distracted boyfriend?
Today i got asked out by 6 girls
I was in the women's bathroom.
Grandma texted to say my cousin named her baby girl Hadison.
What do you call a bunch of girls addicted to cocaine?
Met a lovely korean girl....
I met a girl on Reddit and it ended in Pokemon puns
A few days ago I met a really cool girl on Reddit and then this happened. I asked and she is ok with me sharing it.
Puns here: https://imgur.com/a/8BOsNgn
Forgive my spelling but it was like 6am
I felt really sad when I saw a girl on TV crying and saying, “I Miss America!”
Then someone corrected her grammar and gave her a sash and a tiara.
There was a girl I work with named Novalee, and one day I asked her how her name was spelled.
She looked at me and said, “Guess.” I responded with, “Wow! That’s NOTHING like how it’s spelled!” And from that moment on I would only call her Guess.
How do you pick up a country girl?
My dad always told me, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
She knows how to make a bad decision and still stick with it.
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
Today twenty girls asked me to go out.
Anyway, the girls bathroom at work is waay nicer then the boys one.
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
Australia’s recovery from Covid-19 is a bit like a Spice Girls reunion
Victoria ruins it for everyone
What do you call a hot Indian girl?
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the male buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
I once slept with a girl I met during a festival, but we didn’t utter a word to each other before, during or after.
And I must say, it made it rather in-tents.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.
She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally, he gets his suit. He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.
They both made out like bandits.
Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?
A Girl takes a Pregnancy Test, then looks her Boyfriend dead in the eyes and says:
I tried learning about all the different kinds of aircraft but I quickly found out girls didn’t like that basic personality trait
They thought I was such a plane guy
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
“Dad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.
I once went on a date with this lovely girl. I told her that I loved how bubbly she was. For some reason, she broke up with me the next day.
I saw her again 10 years later, and almost couldn't recognise her because she had become so beautiful. Turns out she thought I'd said that I loved how blubbery she was.
Asian girls don’t poop...
Why did the girl fall in the well?
She didn't see that well.
How do u seduce a farm girl?
When a girl gets married...
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?
Because OMG they can’t even.
My wife was surprisingly happy when she found out I was sleeping with another girl
Our daughter was happy she was okay with it as well
Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers
Hey girl are you HTTP?
Because you're really insecure
What's the most honest girl's name?
I used to go out with a girl who was a medium, a clairvoyant and a psychic.
I broke it off because she said she was seeing other people all the time.
I stole this girl's heart
I was arrested shortly after for murder
What do you call a girl who can't lie?
My 6yo girl: our Shih-Tzu never tells the truth
Because he’s a lyin’ dog...
What do you call a prehistoric cat girl?
Why did the little girl fall off the swing
She had no arms
- The joke was originally told by Ricky Gervais, thought it was very funny
Why couldn't anyone understand the little girl?
She was miss communication.
Why do teenage girls always walk in odd numbers
Currently outside with my girls.
2 year old was running and a bee started flying across her path. She stopped, pointed at it and made a semi distressed, "uuh uuh!" sound. I told her, "You're ok .....just let it bee."
Why would Regina George and her Mean Girls be lousy dog owners?
Because fetch is never going to happen
I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...
... she said it was good to talk abou tit
What do you call a south American girl that's always in a hurry?
A girl opened a studio called TatTat. When asked what the name meant, she replied...
I always liked those spice girls back in the 90s. What were their names again?
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
A girl at the furniture store keeps calling me.
All I wanted was one night stand
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
We have a girl named Zara on our team...
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
A teenage girl came across an elderly man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane to a Lil Wayne song.
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
There's a vegan girl over there
Are you sure you haven't met herbivore?
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
How does Darth Vader like his girls?
Why did the girl blush when she opened the refrigerator?
She saw the salad dressing
Some girl just tried to chat me up by telling me how much potassium, on average, is in a banana.
I just sat there like, K.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often
I said no, the cars are much faster
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.
I thought “wow, that’s pretty metal.”
I just saw my friend sweep a girl off her feet.
He’s a really aggressive janitor.
I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels.
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
Why do teenage girls always walk around in odd numbered groups?
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walk
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