Real house cleaners aren’t just born their maid
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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I suspect my maid is stealing money from my drawer, but she won’t admit to it.

I just want her to come clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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This maid my day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMyth007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.

But even the judge thought she should keep the house.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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What do you call a maid who does not get paid on time ?

Mad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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How's a druggie like Mike Tyson in a maid's outfit?

They'll both clean up your meth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derleth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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Why didn't the Rabbi like Minute Maid?

It contains acidic juice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3ncryption
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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I think my maid stole money from my drawer...

I just want her to come clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyimchandler
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
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My dad demands an "upstairs maid" for my parents' one story house.

He says it's only fair since Mom has a pool boy.

...Neither of these things are true. He says this all the time. Pls help.

Edit: They don't have a pool either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/attacktheblock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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True house cleaners aren't just born...

...they're maid...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.

We were maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MladjaLlama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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In college, my roommate used to do my laundry, and I used to do his.

We were maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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Made for each other.

Sara cleaned Megan's house. Megan cleaned Sara's house. They are Maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killer_basu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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I used to have a room mate. I would clean his room and he would clean mine

We were maid for eachother

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πŸ‘€︎ u/x_Parzival_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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What do you all a cleaning lady with more post karma than you?

A maid with mematic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TennisADHD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
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I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided: if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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True house cleaners aren't just born to serve

They're maid to serve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAverageAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Was Robin Hood a good boyfriend?

Yeah, he Maid Marian happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Locath13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I know a woman who has committed herself to cleaning other peoples’ homes indefinitely, and makes a hell of a lot of money for it.

She’s maid for life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubaKomorebi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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A clown bets an old man $100 he can make him laugh. Man says "Sure, it won't happen"

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Di

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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My husband, new dad of 8 months, is kicking off his dad joke game strong.

We had a cleaning service come to the house today, called Two Maids and a Mop. Well, three maids showed up and my dumb husband goes, β€œwhich one of you is the mop?”

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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My roommate cleans my room and I clean hers.

Guess we are "maid for each other".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nocturnal_shit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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What do you call a housekeeper in Beijing?

Maid in China!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimsonae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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Which one of your servants is always sticking to the roof of your mansion?

Peanut butler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superpond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2012
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Dad's favorite joke is coming to an end. Its kinda long.

What you need to know: We have a grocery store called Dominick's.

Artie and Dominick grew up in the same neighborhood and were best friends. But after highschool, they parted ways.

20 years later, they bump into each other on the street and the friends have a happy reunion. They talk about their lives after they left their old neighborhood. Dominick is a very wealthy lawyer and Artie is a mobster. Artie turns to Dominick and says "If you need anything at all, I'll get it for ya. Just ask."

Dominick :Well there is one thing... Artie: Anything. Dominick: Well I can't stand my wife. Could you get rid of her? Artie: Of course! Dominick: Wait! You're my friend, I gotta pay you for this. Artie: I can't take your money. Dominick: I have to give you something! Artie: Fine, give me a dollar.

So Dominick hands him a dollar and tells Artie when he'll be at work. The next day, Artie slips into the house and strangles the wife but as soon as her body hits the ground, the maid walks in. So Art

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheInvizible
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Watching Disney's Robin Hood with my kids...

Boy, that Maid Marian sure is a FOXY lady!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainRadio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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What's Robin Hoods girlfriend called?

A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

"But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aontroim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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Man hires his best friend, Arty, to knock off his wife.

Arty, a professional hit man, will only let his friend pay him a dollar for the job. Professional courtesy. Arty strangles the wife, but both the maid and butler hear the commotion and come barging into the room. Arty has to take care of them as well, but by the time he's done, the cops have arrived and he is arrested.

The news reports the next morning:

"Arty Chokes 3 for a Dollar."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vegtosterone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2015
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Dad asked me if I knew who Joan of Arc was this morning.

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and Noah's Ark?

Ones made of wood, ones Maid of Orleans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarkule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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Watching Disney's Robin Hood with the kids and my daughter set me up...

Daughter: Maid Marian is pretty for a cartoon.

Me: yeah, she's a fox!

http://images.wikia.com/disney/images/b/bc/Maid-Marian-disney-animal-heroines-12876193-720-480.jpg

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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True house cleaners aren't just born

They're maid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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