I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"

I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.

πŸ‘︎ 374
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Waitress asks…

β€œHow did you find your steak sir?”

Dad responds: β€œI just looked down at the potatoes and there is was!”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fl4tI1n3r
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said β€œShe obviously has COVID!” β€œWhy would you think that?” I asked.

β€œBecause she has no taste.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What did the Oakridge Boys say to the Olive Garden waitress?

Mmm pasta, mmm pasta, mmm pasta now, now

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyManacles
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Real story: I was talking to the Waitress at a breakfast restaurant where a Jeep wheel had just blown out the front window.

I told her she looked exhausted. When you start your day like that you’re tired all day.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyNow646
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?

I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Before we left the restaurant, the waitress asked if we wanted a box for leftovers.

"No, I was hoping you'd just give them to us, for free."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Waitress asked me how I found my steak.

I told her it wasn't difficult. They were right next to my potatoes

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Where’d the one-legged waitress work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
What did Peter Andre say to the waitress at Oktoberfest?

Just give me some kind of stein girl.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoFauxTofu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud.

"It should, it was fresh ground this morning. "

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Waitress: "Are you finished sir?"

Dad: "No, I'm actually Norwegian. So close though, you're pretty good at that!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChetRipley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Davy Crockett say when the waitress brought his pie?

"Remember the a la mode!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"

I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!"

Everyone laughed...

Well, everyone except this one guy.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:

No, the steaks are too high!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mferrari24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Waitress: How did you find your steak?

Dad: I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My waitress just asked β€œ Do you wanna box for your food?”

I told her β€œNo I would rather wrestle for it”.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiggyLT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Son, you should always tip the waitress

Tip her, but don’t let her fall

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuffedmemes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A waitress asked me: β€œSoup or salad?”

I said just a regular salad would be fine

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ayahuascafarts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the name of the one-legged waitress that works at IHOP?

Eileen.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cardo_was_taken
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke β€” What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?

A1C por favor

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a diner the other day and said to the waitress, "I'll have a rubber band sandwich".

"And make it snappy."

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zinny08
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The waitress came over and saw my leftovers and asked, "do ya wanna box for that?"

I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."

πŸ‘︎ 974
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"

I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My waitress asked me if I wanted a box for my food

I told her I’d rather wrestle her for it instead

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unsettled_Beef121
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: β€œdo you wanna box for that?”

I said: β€œI’d rather wrestle for it”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"Waitress,can I ask you something about the menu please ?"

Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] "The men I please are none of your business !"....OOF

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A waitress once threw sodium chloride on me.

That’s assault.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/school-yeeter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Waitress: Do you want a box for the rest of your food?

Dad: No. But I'll wrestle you for it!

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'

"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeldaFan812
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
People think being a waitress isn't a respectable job.

But hey, it puts food on the table.

πŸ‘︎ 296
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polic1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the waitress get promoted?

She brought a lot to the table.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diznogame
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The waitress asked my dad if he was paying credit.

He responded with a grin, "Did you just assume my tender?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/305-til-i-786
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
At the local cafe, the waitress always calls me "hun"...

I don't know whether it's because she likes me or because I dress like a fifth century nomad...

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's at it again. Borderline unacceptably dad-joking the Denny's waitress.

family walks into Denny's

Waitress: "Welcome to Denny's! Just five of you today?"

Dad: "Yes, four adults, one child."

Waitress: "Alright, would you like a kids menu today?"

Dad: "No thanks, I just had three. They were delicious."

-_-

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BroccoliCabbage
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
🚨︎ report
In a Jerusalem restaurant, a waitress asks a customer, "How's everything tasting?" And the customer answeres...

"Isreali good, thank you."

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinnikinnickkk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my waitress today

Had lunch with a friend. When the waitress came with the check, she mentioned that if we called in and answered a few questions regarding the meal, I could get a free queso.

Without thinking, I said, "Case o' what?"

She looked rather unimpressed. I had to apologize by explaining I was a dad. She remained unimpressed. My friend was on the floor laughing. He's a dad too.

TL;DR - Dad-joked a waitress and won a queso shame.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WPBDoc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
🚨︎ report
My Waitress Tonight Told I Had To Post This

Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.

Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.

Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?

W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?

M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and

W: You should post that joke there!

I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.

I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that has ever served me

With just the tip

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dtobin95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Waitress: Are you done with the glasses?

No! I need them to see

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rowtheboat10
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The waitress asked me how I wanted my steak cooked

I told her I wanted it cooked on a stove.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Waitress: "Do you want a box for that?"

My Dad, every time: "I'm not a very good boxer... but I'll wrestle you for it."

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cabin7Miner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The Waitress saw me and my gf were wrapping up our meals. "Y'all wanna box for your leftovers?"

"I'm not much of a boxer, but I'll wrestle you for them."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Waitress: How did you find your steak Sir?

I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.