These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns....

...... Tam-puns

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swaggyg2223
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
This dad joke's more of a mom pun. She wasn't impressed, regardless.

http://i.imgur.com/6b53dgn.png?2

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TPWALW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?

I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, β€œMom keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character and it’s getting really annoying!” She asked, β€œAre you mad at her?”

β€œGeez! Don’t you start too!” I screamed.

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
*For context, today is my birthday* my mom says "does anyone have a match?" And without hesitation, my 70 year old father says

"I haven't had a fair match since Superman died"

The most dad-thing I've heard him say in a long time. Made me proud

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Son: Mom, what are you doing?

Mom: I'm putting on my makeup. Son: What does the makeup do? Mom: It's making me prettier Son: I'm not sure if it's working, mom.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrYellowfield
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.

At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chiriboy
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
When my mom told me she wanted to be a man, I couldn't see her anymore...

Because she was trans parent

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuitenantElo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
My mom did not like my pun.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeMan117
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneReddit123
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
If your mom slaps you with high frequency

It Hertz

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/korabdrg
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
hi mom
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_i_suck_at_this_
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease

I still had a few ticks up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ba71905
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
How do you call a ghost mom and dad? Transparent
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csabhun
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
My mom's sisters are free from covid19

Thwy got great auntie bodies

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
My mom's a vegetarian and i have some meatatarian friends. i myself like to eat people.

I'd say i'm a humanitarian.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I am a unique hybrid of two exceptional athletes. My mom was all-American sprinter and my dad qualified for the Olympic marathon.

So naturally, I have been genetically gifted with the ability to run relatively slowly over very short distances.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Dad:"I need to call the doctor today." Mom:" Which doctor?"

Dad: "No the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 290
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.

She said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
My Mom’s sister came down with Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.

The warranty claimed it had free β€œaunty-virus” protection software.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Money-Sloth
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b6a6a6l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom was having a panic attack and wanted to leave

But I told her β€œNah ma, stay”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
6 days into my quarantine and my mom is getting tired of my jokes.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evandolajakulater
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I guess I'm the mom now...

My wife was doing a crossword puzzle and one of the answers was Michael Pena.

I said,"who the hell is Michael Pena?"

She said, "Sub's brother"

"Who the hell is Sub?"

".... Sub Pena?"

Happy mothers day everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gexylizard
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Mom joke

"Ya know, flies bug me. Literally." She literally just said that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikelweisser
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
What did Baby Corn say to his mom?

Where’s pop corn?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewilsey
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
My mom made pancakes for dinner

they tasted like crΓͺpe

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterBoom24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
When I was making the flag of China, I asked my mom to rate my work.

She gave it five stars.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HayangIsNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
All of my mom's sisters are incredibly healthy

thanks to all of their auntie-bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
I don’t usually go grocery shopping, so when my mom asked to buy lettuce, I had to tell myself to romaine calm
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmehthekid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Mom: My butt hurts

Dad: You mean you have disbumfort

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Navi66
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
What's the best crime for a single mom to commit?

Kidnapping.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Do mom jokes count?

Mom: Guess who I saw today!

Me: who?

Mom: Everyone I looked at!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttercream-gang
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that a doctor used to date my mom while she was seeing my dad so he used to give her an apple every day

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fried_chicken_247
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
When i asked my mom what she gave me for my birthday.

She said," i gave you the present ".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmrhunder51
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Is it true that Mom's making spaghetti?

I wouldn't put it pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost’s mom and dad?

Transparent

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
My Mom said my Dad can be a little feminine at time with his feelings.

My Dad responded that he was trying to be trans-parent.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
My mom was telling me to do my homework

But since we’re all in quarantine all work is homework

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/large_breadstick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
I cried when my mom chopped onions

Onions was a good dog.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
A proud mom gave birth to twins that she named Juan and Amal.

She only carries one picture because once you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
I think I've discovered the "Mom Joke"

So I'm making diner....BBQ.....and I asked my wife if she could wash the Caesar and she replied that she'd rather not as he's been dead for some time now...... -.-

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch669
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
My mom started a factory that produces chewing gum flavoring. She got rich.

She made a mint.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
My mom's sisters said they are immune to all viruses.

They said it's because of their aunt-ey bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enganere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
My mom bought me a cheap dictionary for my birthday

I couldn’t find the words to thank her.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cacarrizales
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
Yea, mom!
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What did Dad give Mom on her anniversary?

Nothing, he forgot

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hrishic2327
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My mom would always yell at me for fibbin' to her

She'd walk into my room and I'd just look at her and say "0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha-Cor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
β€œMom,” I asked curiously, β€œhow much do you weigh?”

β€œTread lightly,” my father warned, β€œbecause your mother can’t.”

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andikin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Dad is taking a flight today so asked my mom if he got off without a hitch

β€œYes. The hitch was too heavy to bring along.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomBradyGoat1212
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
I’m a mom... but /r/Jokes/comments/exw8sn/…
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amazonsprime
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
My family was eating birthday cake, and one of the he toppings looked like striped bark, so my mom asked my dad, " Do you want a bark?"

And my dad replied, "Ruff!"

I liked it but everyone else groaned

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendOfKhaos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
From my dad, a minute ago: β€œyour mom and I went to a completely pitch black restaurants once”

β€œThey didn’t have any seafood there!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackwellsucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
What's your mom's favorite contraction

Who're

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlusUltra__
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Mom's Spaghetti
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genesiscreation7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
My mom and dad helped me tie my bow tie and I thought it looked cool

A parently knot

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salmonduck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the little shrimp told his mom when she asked him why he wouldn't share his toys ?

I'm a little shellfish !

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emily_Cap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
My mom used to tell me if I ate all my meat I would become as strong as an ox, but that couldn't be true

because I've never seen an ox eating meat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Why did your mom allow you to be exposed to preventable illnesses?

Because they're not Karen for you

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
My mom was telling puns at dinner

My dad responded: alright punny, that's enough. It's my turn.

The groan from everyone was like an earthquake

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmagnum55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I work in retail and today a mom asked about β€œMy Hero Macadamia”

It was nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Philonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
My moms new house key
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobtron97
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...

Deodorant?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Last night your mom and I watched three movies back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustMy2Coppers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
MOM: I always see those same two homeless people kissing or holding hands. How sweet. See, even life's unfortunates can know love!

DAD: Those are tweakers, hon. They're either speed dating or just mething around.

MOM: I don't know why I married you.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom's personalized number plate says "ISβ™₯️ED" and we always believed that it was short for "Is Loved." But then my dad had to ruin it for us all when he said it meant:

"I Sharted."

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. I said to her β€œwine not”
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife showed me her mom’s quilts, and asked me which one I preferred.

I said, β€œI refuse to make blanket statements.”

πŸ‘︎ 656
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm proud of this one. My response to my mom's Facebook post. imgur.com/epX4rcj
πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Was discussing groceries with my parents earlier tonight when my mom declared (of my dad), "he buys cereal then never eats it!"

I immediately interjected, "Wait: Are you saying dad is a cereal offenderβ€½"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riskable
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?

Mom: (points) you find it rice there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
My moms putting curtains up. Perfect pun opportunity.

Mom: β€œMatthew! Can you grab the screws please?”

Me: β€œOh screw this.”

Mom: β€œCan you grab some nails?”

Me: β€œYup.” Sees the curtains up β€œOh wow you’re really nailing it.”

Mom: β€œThe drills on the counter. Would you mind...”

Me: β€œDon’t worry. I know the drill by now.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/demonwithfries
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The most attractive thing about your mom...

Is her gravitational pull

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom always laughed when I said I'd make a car out of spaghetti

But you should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarsee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
Dad, that man accused you and Mom of being something called pyromaniacs. Is that true?

Yes, we arson

πŸ‘︎ 285
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, my mom didn’t expect that my dad’s new year’s resolution was to stop looking at other women’s breasts.

I guess hindsight is 2020

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mega-yeet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch

They knead it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggernault
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad : β€œI need to call the doctor today.” Mom : β€œWhich doctor?”

Dad : β€œNo, the regular kind.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom bought me a cheap dictionary for my birthday.

I couldn't find the words to thank her.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report

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