These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns....
This dad joke's more of a mom pun. She wasn't impressed, regardless.
http://i.imgur.com/6b53dgn.png?2
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Mom told me to take out the spider
I was wearing mismatched socks and my mom said to me
I bet you have another pair exactly like that.
My mom cried while cutting onions
Onions was such a good dog
I asked my mom and dad what they were doing downstairs, they said they were wrapping
So I said they'll have to preform for me sometime
Ok, this is a mom joke...
My stay-at-home wife came in earlier and asked what I wanted for dinner. "I don't know... You pick, you're cooking it after all."
A few minutes later she comes in with a frying pan. "Here ya go!"
It was a piece of paper. With the words "I don't know" written on both sides.
proof
... Smartass, lol.
"Mom, does Uranus have rings?"
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
Let’s order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire...
My mom said this unknowingly but it still counts
So I was complaining about where I am in life and the path I have chosen she said
"Don't try to blame someone else for the road your on ....its your own asphalt"
Mom said she'd throw her son from a cliff if he didn't eat his vegetables ...
My mom always told me to watch before i cross the street...
Why did she always want me to check the time?
Dolphin son: Dad, how did you and mom know that you guys are meant to be together?
Dolphin Dad: When we first met,.....we just clicked.
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
If Dad takes too much aspirin, what should mom do?
Son: mom, dad, I’m gay
Me: clenches fist
Wife: don’t you dare
Me: face turns red
Wife: ........
Me: hi Gay, I’m dad.
Why can't moms make dad jokes?
Because otherwise, the jokes would be mummified.
What was Jesus’ mom’s last name?
Christmas
Mary Christmas everyone.
My son was crying because his mom took his Xbox...
... so I had to console him.
What do you call an invisible mom who was assigned male at birth?
I asked your mom about her least favourite sausage
I learned something very shocking today about my mom and dad
They are both palindromes 😱
Jewish mom: Help! Is there a doctor here?!
Doctor: yes
Mom: are you single?
I have my moms sense of humor...
A child in Egypt got separated from her mom in the crowd and was looking for her but got confused.
Because there were so many mummies.
My dad came out as trans so we accepted him as a man, my mom came out as trans so we accepted her as a woman.
It was honestly a surprise but at least they were both Trans-Parent about it.
My mom says my dad was of Persian origin.
Ee-ran away when I was a child.
Mom: I'm thinking of making pasta or taco for dinner. What are you thoughts?
Dad: Those are the little voices that say things inside my head.
My mom actually made this up not my dad
Person 1: knock knock
Person 2: who’s there
Person 1: cash
Person 2: cash who
Person 1: Actually I prefer almonds
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
Mom said split the chores, well. . .
My friend said he wanted to bang his mom and kill his dad.
I told him that was some freudulent thinking.
A friends Dad said her Mom isn't doing well...
Her said called her and said Mom isn't doing well. She got all worried and started getting emotional so she called her Grandmother to ask what was going on. She found out that Doctors are telling her one of her ovaries seems missing and they don't know where it is. She seemed relieved to find this out as it wasn't as serious as her dad made it out to be but was still concerned.
I told her that her dad had an ovaryaction.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
Son: There's no salt on this. Mom: Well, it's hard to see salt.
Dad: But can you table salt?
Mom: I don't know, let's discuss that next time.
Edit: To be honest I'm a little salty about the bland reaction this dad/mom joke got :)
My mom bought me a cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
Mom, why is my name Denephew?
Mom, now you're putting words into my mouth
My mom told me not to watch anything on the tv
So I watched next to the tv
What does a piglet call his mom’s brother?
They say opposites attract; so if your mum/mom serious, then your...
I never really knew my dad. Mom said he would be out at the bank all night.
She said he was a real loaner.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
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