My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"

"I don't know, bud, what?"

"Your legs."

Well done, kid.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papagayo_blanco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to be her Sugar Daddy

I said I can only afford to be your Salt Bae

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RootbeerDreams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did daddy tell you about going thru your siblings' things?

Don't get caught.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Diabetes daddy
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeardedDuck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
"Daddy, is my pony sick?"

"No sweetie, She's just a little horse."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken with daddy issues?

Kentucky Freud Chicken

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superabuser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My four year old: Daddy, what is Alexa scared of?

Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.

My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.

πŸ‘︎ 271
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A daddy minnow, a mommy minnow, and two baby minnows went camping...

Four, all in tents and porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said β€œLook Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”

I said β€œI sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chronic_Avidness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: β€œDaddy why is that β€˜do not touch’ sign there?”

Dad: β€œI dunno son, I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krookedsmilez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Harder, Daddy!
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hudriwudi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A momma shower and a daddy shower get together....

And that’s how baby showers are made

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Your-Naked-Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m sure everyone’s heard this one but, it’s still one of my favorites. β€œDaddy, I’m Thirsty.”

β€œHello, Thirsty. I’m Friday, come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sundae.” (Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siflbabyshifero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Got me a sugar daddy
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingboss70
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Mommy Spore & Daddy Spore name their first Baby Boy??

FunGus

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?" Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. β€œDaddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.

β€œIt’s long story,” replies the father.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"

She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My son said "daddy ,when I die I hope I die like uncle Ricky ,sleeping"

"and not like the passengers on the bus he was driving"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?

A babe-bee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KMG2021
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Daddy, can we play horsie?

No...I mean, Naaaay!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UofTCadet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Daddy, why do they call your leave a furlong?

Because sweety it's not furshort.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adderalin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"

I said "No, son. I'm half left."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Salt daddy
πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kronos-11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter pointed at a spear and said β€œdaddy look it’s sharp”

I replied with β€œthat’s the point”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the daddy grape say to the baby grape?

Quit "wining"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/julipul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: Daddy, can you put on my shoes?

Me: I can try but, but I'd don't think they will fit!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RamPage09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna start a dating site for people with serious mommy and daddy issues.

I'll call it Oedipal Arrangements.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ianmann290
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDaddy, why does Santa carry that big bag of gifts?”

Dad: β€œThat’s just how he presents himself.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
No joke I just miss my dad. Happy fathers day in heaven dad dad daddy-o
πŸ‘︎ 714
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
If sugar daddy gets hard, he becomes a caramel daddy.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
4 year old asks, β€œDaddy can I have milkshakes for breakfast?”

Mommy: No. milkshakes are not for breakfast.

Me: I’ll give you milkshakes for breakfast!

Mommy: why would you offer him that?

4 y/o bounds into the kitchen, excited for milkshakes.

Me: here’s a cup of milk. And here’s some shakes! (Gently shakes 4 y/o)

Groans all around.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphamale968
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter asks me all the time β€œDaddy, can you put my shoes on?”

β€œNo, I don't think they'll fit me.” Is my go to answer. Bless her she still laughs and says β€œsilly daddy”. She’s 3 :)

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
"Daddy, I still haven't seen Frozen 2"

Let it go!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ermahgerdkerrerts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the daddy pimple say to the baby pimple?

Conme to Popper!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingkaplan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife to my son: You're a good speller, just like your daddy.

Me: We're called wizards, not spellers.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigCapKidd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Puff Daddy got hit by a car?

Didn’t see it coming, diddy?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
When she says she's into daddy kink

"Hey I'm kinky, wanna play?"

"Hi kink, I'm dad."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Here comes daddy..
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/momosfx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wonderwizard42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?" Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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