My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
My wife asked me to be her Sugar Daddy
I said I can only afford to be your Salt Bae
What did daddy tell you about going thru your siblings' things?
"Daddy, is my pony sick?"
"No sweetie, She's just a little horse."
What do you call a chicken with daddy issues?
My four year old: Daddy, what is Alexa scared of?
Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.
My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.
A daddy minnow, a mommy minnow, and two baby minnows went camping...
Four, all in tents and porpoises.
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said “Look Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
Son: “Daddy why is that ‘do not touch’ sign there?”
Dad: “I dunno son, I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
A momma shower and a daddy shower get together....
And that’s how baby showers are made
I’m sure everyone’s heard this one but, it’s still one of my favorites. “Daddy, I’m Thirsty.”
“Hello, Thirsty. I’m Friday, come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sundae.”
(Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun)
What did Mommy Spore & Daddy Spore name their first Baby Boy??
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?" Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. “Daddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.
“It’s long story,” replies the father.
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"
She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
My son said "daddy ,when I die I hope I die like uncle Ricky ,sleeping"
"and not like the passengers on the bus he was driving"
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
Daddy, can we play horsie?
Daddy, why do they call your leave a furlong?
Because sweety it's not furshort.
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"
I said "No, son. I'm half left."
My daughter pointed at a spear and said “daddy look it’s sharp”
I replied with “that’s the point”
My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...
Because Adams make up everything!
What did the daddy grape say to the baby grape?
Son: Daddy, can you put on my shoes?
Me: I can try but, but I'd don't think they will fit!
I'm gonna start a dating site for people with serious mommy and daddy issues.
I'll call it Oedipal Arrangements.
“Daddy, why does Santa carry that big bag of gifts?”
Dad: “That’s just how he presents himself.”
No joke I just miss my dad. Happy fathers day in heaven dad dad daddy-o
If sugar daddy gets hard, he becomes a caramel daddy.
4 year old asks, “Daddy can I have milkshakes for breakfast?”
Mommy: No. milkshakes are not for breakfast.
Me: I’ll give you milkshakes for breakfast!
Mommy: why would you offer him that?
4 y/o bounds into the kitchen, excited for milkshakes.
Me: here’s a cup of milk. And here’s some shakes! (Gently shakes 4 y/o)
Groans all around.
My daughter asks me all the time “Daddy, can you put my shoes on?”
“No, I don't think they'll fit me.” Is my go to answer. Bless her she still laughs and says “silly daddy”. She’s 3 :)
"Daddy, I still haven't seen Frozen 2"
What did the daddy pimple say to the baby pimple?
My wife to my son: You're a good speller, just like your daddy.
Me: We're called wizards, not spellers.
Did you hear Puff Daddy got hit by a car?
Didn’t see it coming, diddy?
When she says she's into daddy kink
"Hey I'm kinky, wanna play?"
"Hi kink, I'm dad."
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
What did daddy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?" Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
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