I asked my grandpa, “How are you enjoying the new stair lift?”
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
Right before he kicked the bucket, my grandpa said to me:
"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
Grandpa went quiet after seeing my daughter for the first time
I asked him if he’s okay. He said, “Yeah, I’m great!”
Found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra..
Grandma is taking it pretty hard.
When my grandkids ask, "Grandpa, how did you survive in 2020 when there was no toilet paper?"
I'm going to try them, "We had go outside & drag our butts across the lawn. ( Like the dog does on the carpet.)
Up hill!
Both ways!!!"
My Grandpa always said "don't watch your money, watch your health."
Then one day when I was watching my health, he stole my wallet.
My Grandpa grew up in a sketchy neighborhood in Sicily.
Tell your kids to give grandpa his glasses back
They really need to learn to re-spec their elders
My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink
No one listened but he kept warning them until people got sick of him and threw him out of the cinema.
Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.
It was a very cryptic message.
Introducing my grandpa to my boyfriend..
Me:This is my grandpa, he use to be a boxer
Grandpa: yeah, but now I am a German Shepherd
Grandpa took my weed so I took his wheelchair!
Ain’t nobody rolling shit around here
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandpa...
Until my mom hid the urn from me.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What you call a Ghost with face like Grandpa’s ?
grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens
he was a really bad cabinet maker...
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948
It was a low New Years resolution
My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much.
I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.
My grandpa always told me "when one door closes another one opens."
A lovely and inspiring man...makes shit cabinets though.
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
(My grandpa’s Joke) When we went to Costa Rica, we didn’t see one can
My grandpa came to me and said, "I don't know what to do with these socks with holes!"
Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
Shoutout to my grandpa.
That’s the only way he can hear you.
Do Grandpa Jokes count?
My brother was laying in the grass and got up and asked my grandpa if there was anything on his back.
My grandpa replied “yea, your shirt”
I tried explaining to my grandpa that I would be having school online.
He replied confused and worried, "How does that work? Your education is on the line!"
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
My grandpa made a funny joke
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
My grandpa recently got a new chair for his stairs, but it frustrates him to no end.
He says it drives him up the wall!
My grandpa just told me a corn pun...
It's left me as a husk of a man
Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent one.
Grandma: You need a new battery for your hearing aid.
My brother was telling my grandpa how he needing help in band
My grandpa said: “You should go to the back. We have bandaids.”
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Dad: Hello son, where's your grandpa?
Son: I haven't senior dad today...
My grandpa trusted no one. He even had a favourite saying about it.
My grandpa was responsible for downing 43 German planes in WW2.
To this day he still holds the record as the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.
We took Grandpa sledging the other day and he caught a terrible cold. Grandma put goosefat all over his chest.
He went downhill pretty quick after that.
I asked my grandpa, "How are you enjoying the new stair lift?"
Grandpa: It has it's ups and downs
My favorite hobby as a kid was building sandcastles with my grandpa
...until my mom hid the urn from me.
I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep
Not screaming like the people in the back of his car.
My grandpa, after taking viagra
Thought long and hard about it
I remember the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket, it was...
“Hey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Grandpa called Dad today...
Dad: "Hello, who's this?"
Grandpa: "Your dad."
Dad: "That's right, I am!"
What did grandpa say before kicking the bucket?
Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?
My grandpa has the heart of a lion...
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
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