My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My friend was really proud of his British heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

πŸ‘︎ 734
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Before he died, my grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.

He said, β€œI hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
What did digital clock say to Grandfather clock?

"Look Grandpa, no hands!"

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drempire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, β€œHere are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.

Sorry I’m late.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said β€˜You selfish boy!’

Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAsia97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was a plumber, my dad and brother are plumbers.

So if you see me with plumber’s crack, just know it’s in my jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bill7747
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
My grandfather lived to be 95 and never used glasses.

He always drank right from the bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jobillard20
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
In memory of my Italian grandfather, i started a restaurant.

It's called Pasta Way!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayanR666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
I will never forget the last thing what my late grandfather told me.

Sorry I'm late.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
My grandfather is still mad at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.

I explained to him that it was the Americans who made the movie.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
My late grandfather's favourite joke...

He says "I swear I'll be on time from now on", then drops his watch and steps on it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s broken watch is as relevant to my family today as it was to him 50 years ago.

It’s a timeless piece, really.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
My great grandfather told me he remembers Mount Rushmore before it was carved

He said its beauty was unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalrain39
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I'll never forget the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.

"Watch how far I can kick this bucket!!!:

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flannel-ish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
A grandfather clock swings both ways

That’s why we β€˜watch the hours go bi’

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NLLumi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
In honor of my grandfather: You should get a football...

... I think you'd get a real kick out of it.

If you don't like that, get an adding machine, because that's what counts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobertskey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
My balding grandfather told me that there was an adept wigmaker at the mall.

The wigmaker offered me a good deal that I was willing toupee for.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
My father and grandfather work for the DMV.

I come from a long line of long lines.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s last words were β€œPints! Litres! Gallons!”

That spoke volumes.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I'll always remember what my grandfather said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

He said, "Grandson...How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
My sister-in-law's grandfather used to tell stories of how he used to drill holes in stuff for a living...

How boring!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
My grandfather's in hospice, Dad asked him "how are you feeling?"

With my hands.

OG dad joker till the end. Love you Grandfather.

πŸ‘︎ 237
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KotWmike
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...

But no. I was charged $30 a pop.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
When I die, I hope to go quietly in my sleep. Like my grandfather. ...

... Not on fire and screaming like everyone else on the bus he was driving.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said that he needed Type-A blood

Unfortunately, it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oldgenmemelord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
I still remember what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.

He said "kiddo wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shirpersons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
My grandfather would talk to ghosts who’d tell him what size clothes to wear,

He was a medium.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Ill always remember what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey son you wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yergaflerga
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I told my grandfather than I suck at whistling.

He said "That's why!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink.

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theater.

πŸ‘︎ 232
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the medics mistakenly thought he had Type A blood.

Turns out it was a typo.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather is 85 years old, but he still doesn’t need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
What did the grandfather tell his grandson right before he kicked the can?

Hey look how far I can kick this can

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzzingwhizbee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
I'll always remember what my grandfather told me before he kicked the bucket

"Do you wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b0ring_person
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.

Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

πŸ‘︎ 616
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhotosNMotion41
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The last thing my grandfather told me was that it is worth it to spend money on good speakers.

That was sound advice.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: Your Grandfather used to always mow the lawn

Son : Please don't Dad: Now hes Lawn gone

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffrywatisun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
My grandfather hates the stair lift I bought him for his birthday.

It's been driving him up the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has a funny story he likes to tell people about how a long time ago he swallowed his wedding ring and then it came out 10 years later. I've heard him tell it many times over the years.

It's old butt gold.

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byebyebyecycle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, β€œ1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”

β€œIt was quite a hectic evening.”

πŸ‘︎ 547
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "Pints, Litres, Gallons!"

That spoke volumes.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œBack in the day...” my grandfather started to say. β€œYou could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”

β€œBut today...” he continued. β€œWherever you go, there are cameras...”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s last words were, β€œGallons. Quarts. Litres.”

That spoke volumes.

πŸ‘︎ 361
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has the heart of a lion

And a life time ban from the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania…

Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror…

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather always said when one door closes another one opens

He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ouska31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because they thought he had type-A blood

It was a type-O

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dawinner64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A grandfather clock just fell on top of me

That hurt big time

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was a baker in the army.

He went in all buns glazing.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.

He was always going on about those damn tree-huggers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather Gave Me Great Dating Advice When I Was Young

Always date a girl with small hands.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldbizmark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather sold abacuses for a living in the 1960s.

He was part of the counter culture.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I just sarcastically told my grandfather that he was very funny.

He said "I guess that makes me a farmer."

I look at him, bewildered.

"A corn farmer."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jar_of_salt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather used to wake up very early every morning to go sailing.

When I asked him why so early, he replied with "the schooner, the better!"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/armlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather used to circumcise elephants...

The wages weren't great but the tips were huge.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrantMC80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.

It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My great-grandfather was a GI before serving in the RAF,

Which made him a GIRAF.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
my great grandfather was a very poor eastern european, starving on the streets

some say he's still hungary to this day

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iisowo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather’s last wish was that we scatter his remains in the sea.

Everyone at the beach started freaking out though, because we didn’t cremate him.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Ill never forget my grandfathers last words before he died.

"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit."

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lerrou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to take the stair chair lift because of his age.

It’s driving him up the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My brother and I inherited a watch from my grandfather, which we take turns wearing on special occasions.

It's a time share.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to die the way my grandfather did.

Not like the passengers screaming in his car.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pauliep84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about grandfather clocks

They're old timers

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PolesawPolska
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I met a baby frog with a great grandfather that came from Warsaw…

He said that made him a tad Pole…

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
When I die I want it to be in my sleep, just like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like the other 3 people in the car

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BATHTUBISREAL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather was his army battalion's mime during WW2.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.

β€œHey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
To celebrate our wedding, my wife and I opened a few bottles from my late grandfather’s whiskey collection.

That way, he could be there in spirit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather always said, β€œBe envied, not envious.”

I’m so pissed off I didn’t think of that quote first.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 226
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

β€œPush” and β€œPull”.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather is 85 and still doesn't need glasses....

He drinks straight from the bottle

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was β€œPints, Litres, Gallons!”

That spoke volumes.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather is 85 and he still doesn’t need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

Look, no hands!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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My grandfather’s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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My grandfather has the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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My grandfather has the heart of a lion...

And a lifetime ban at the zoo

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wise_Guy_Plato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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On his deathbed, my grandfather said, β€œRemember these two words. It will open a lot of doors for you in life.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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