"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
He said, “Nope. Still have two.”
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
Because of their Auntie-bodies
What's the world coming to?
As my sister in law said, he'd grown another foot this year.
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
He instantly replied, “but mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”
(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)
My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO
My response: I would prefer it cooked.
… And I think that's poor for four.
Because it's in a fish aunt.
He "cod" me by surprise.
He's better off in the long run.
...he still can't say "please", though, which I think is "poor for four".
Edit: "Por favor" is Spanish for please. :)
It salad that never Ceasar's to amaze me.
have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssh
He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"
I knew he meant well.
What do you call it when you watch scary videos on YouTube?
I told him he really should look into it.
I said, if they had more than two they wouldn't be called pair-o-chutes.
My young (about a year old) nephew was really grumpy all day and kept crying. My dad was holding him at the time, and my mom asks my dad, "Do you thing he's teething?". To which my father replies, "No, I'm pretty sure he's theriouth ("serious", but said with a lisp)".
L. F. Ant!
He’s farmer qualified.
It's a Bohemian Rap CD.
After building a snowman yesterday:
Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"
My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."
We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.
My brother is still cracking up and very proud.
I said "their there they're"
As it turns out, he turned to cannibalism, and my other sister was one of my nephew's victims.
He's a real aunteater.
I guess this makes me his carbuncle.
They are selling salsa and he sent me the flyer.
I replied that I think it’s very unfair and he’s going to get sick eating that much salsa.
He calls them auntie-jokes.
Dad: So...what grade are you in now?
Them: Grade 8 (at the time)
Dad: Grade 8? ....best 4 years of my life
He says the exact same joke every single time.
Nephew: No response
Him: "Ok. Why don't I practice with another burrito?"
This kid is going places.
"Two week?" I said. "Is that why it's called 'Fortnight'?"
I told him "Be careful, it's closer than it appears."
"They are going to go in through the belly button with a pool cue and try to hit the ball back into the pocket" - such a dad joke, but we both died laughing.
I took my niece and nephews hiking today. In the car, my niece (6) said "I have mommy's ears". To which her brother (12) responded, "No, you have your own."
Nephew was dressed as a hot dog for Halloween.
Me: Go ahead to the next house we will catch up Nephew (looking dejected): I don't have any ketchup.
Me: "Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?"
Him: "No, why?"
Me: "Because there's more geese on that side"
He said, “No. I still have two.”
He then said “he’s been a dad since I was born”