Nephew Puns

He instantly replied, “but mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”

(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)

My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO

My response: I would prefer it cooked.

… And I think that's poor for four.

"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.

...he still can't say "please", though, which I think is "poor for four".

Edit: "Por favor" is Spanish for please. :)

It salad that never Ceasar's to amaze me.

He "cod" me by surprise.

Because it's in a fish aunt.

He's better off in the long run.

have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssh

I knew he meant well.

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

Credit: u/Alphawolf227

He then said “he’s been a dad since I was born”

He said, “No. I still have two.”

What do you call it when you watch scary videos on YouTube?

Bootube.

I told him he really should look into it.

I said, if they had more than two they wouldn't be called pair-o-chutes.

He’s farmer qualified.

He said, “Nope. Still have two.”

L. F. Ant!

We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.

My brother is still cracking up and very proud.

It's a Bohemian Rap CD.

My young (about a year old) nephew was really grumpy all day and kept crying. My dad was holding him at the time, and my mom asks my dad, "Do you thing he's teething?". To which my father replies, "No, I'm pretty sure he's theriouth ("serious", but said with a lisp)".

After building a snowman yesterday:

Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"

My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."

I said "their there they're"

As it turns out, he turned to cannibalism, and my other sister was one of my nephew's victims.

He's a real aunteater.

They are selling salsa and he sent me the flyer.

https://i.imgur.com/TRmu8ry.jpg

I replied that I think it’s very unfair and he’s going to get sick eating that much salsa.

I guess this makes me his carbuncle.

He calls them auntie-jokes.

Me: #snappingturtle

Nephew: No response

Nacho kid!

Dad: So...what grade are you in now?

Them: Grade 8 (at the time)

Dad: Grade 8? ....best 4 years of my life

He says the exact same joke every single time.

"Two week?" I said. "Is that why it's called 'Fortnight'?"

Him: "Ok. Why don't I practice with another burrito?"

This kid is going places.

I told him "Be careful, it's closer than it appears."

"They are going to go in through the belly button with a pool cue and try to hit the ball back into the pocket" - such a dad joke, but we both died laughing.

I took my niece and nephews hiking today. In the car, my niece (6) said "I have mommy's ears". To which her brother (12) responded, "No, you have your own."

Nephew was dressed as a hot dog for Halloween.

Me: Go ahead to the next house we will catch up Nephew (looking dejected): I don't have any ketchup.

Me: "Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?"

Him: "No, why?"

Me: "Because there's more geese on that side"

Found jew!

We started talking about making plans for Thanksgiving, and who could host. My brother in law started to offer his house, but then said "well I don't want to volunteer [his wife] - she's going to have a lot on her plate.

I replied, "It's Thanksgiving. We're all going to have a lot on our plates."

Me: Knock, knock?

Nephew: Who's there?

Me: Owl

Nephew: Owl, what are you doing awake? It's daytime!

This was during Thanksgiving but I just remembered it the other day in the car. For Thanksgiving our family and in-laws all got a cabin in east TN. This cabin had a room with a pool table and in that room it had a door to the outside. Well my 12 year old nephew and I would go to play pool a lot and once time while we were down there I took my shoes off and they smelled terrible! So I decided to put them outside using the aforementioned door. Then the best set up of my life happened: My nephew said "Don't put them outside, the bears will eat them!"

Me: "No they wont, they might take them but they won't eat them"

Nephew: "why not?"

Me: "Because they have have bear feet"

My nephew just stared at me, and I sat there looking like suspense eel waiting for him to get it.. and he said "uncle fr0zen_yettiiii that was lame"

The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."

Okay so this one may not be too special, but I thought it was hilarious. My nephew has a slight speech impediment which made it all the better.

I was visiting my brother and his family over the weekend. I decided to take the kids to the store so I yelled down the hall for my nephew (7 years old and sitting in his gitch) to get dressed. My niece who was also in the room said "I am dressed". Immediately after I heard this tiny little giggle followed by "hi dressed, I'm Isaac".

No one taught him this. All natural. The father is strong in this one.