My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.

"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"

"16!"

"How did you figure that out."

"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
I ran into my nephew yesterday and said, β€œWow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last.”

He said, β€œNope. Still have two.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems?

Because of their Auntie-bodies

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reiri_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I saw my nephew browsing some weird porn

What's the world coming to?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.

As my sister in law said, he'd grown another foot this year.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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8yo nephew's an early bloomer. Gets home, tells his dad, "There was a kidnaping at school today." Dad: "What!?!" 8yo, dead serious, -

"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemoKozeba
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My sister asked me to keep my nephew from playing games on his tablet all night. I suggested he builds a fort with his cousin.

He instantly replied, β€œbut mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”

(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbt711
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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My 8yr old nephew got his first "grownup" email address....

My sister wanted to make sure he is checking his emails and being responsible....so I send him daily jokes. Not sure if this link works, but if this cool kiddo burrito finds this someday...your emails back are the highlight of my days. http://imgur.com/a/llxi1lO

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyfistofjustice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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My nephew asked if I wanted frozen pizza

My response: I would prefer it cooked.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sidd-a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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My four-year old nephew is trying to learn Spanish, but he can't even say "Please"…

… And I think that's poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?

Because it's in a fish aunt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.

He "cod" me by surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishmam7and7
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash...

He's better off in the long run.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4-year old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown...

...he still can't say "please", though, which I think is "poor for four".

Edit: "Por favor" is Spanish for please. :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smdouglas2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My nephew just started eating vegetables

It salad that never Ceasar's to amaze me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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So my nephew just wanted to know...

have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssh

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied "six". I said "how can he only be six if you're six"?

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

Credit: u/Alphawolf227

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_i_like_potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My nephew said he was trying to help out when he spilled a bucket of water from the hole in the ground...

I knew he meant well.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/celticdude234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My nephew started getting into YouTube and and made the worst joke I've ever heard.

What do you call it when you watch scary videos on YouTube?

Bootube.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneWhackMan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.

I told him he really should look into it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xerafoo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My little nephew just asked why skydivers only have a single reserve parachute.

I said, if they had more than two they wouldn't be called pair-o-chutes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad dropped this one on the family when my young nephew started fussing.

My young (about a year old) nephew was really grumpy all day and kept crying. My dad was holding him at the time, and my mom asks my dad, "Do you thing he's teething?". To which my father replies, "No, I'm pretty sure he's theriouth ("serious", but said with a lisp)".

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lightwizard
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
🚨︎ report
From my 6yo nephew: What’s the name of the biggest insect?

L. F. Ant!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I could never raise livestock. But my nephew can.

He’s farmer qualified.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMackOnBass
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought my nephew a collection of hip-hop songs from Czechoslovakia.

It's a Bohemian Rap CD.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bundleofschtick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad talking to my 4-year-old nephew.

After building a snowman yesterday:

Nephew: "Look grandpa, the snowman is still there!"

My dad: "Yeah but he's probably freezing."

πŸ‘︎ 867
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cougazul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
🚨︎ report
My nephew just called us into the living room, saying "Dad, Uncle Squigles, all the light bulbs blew!"

We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.

My brother is still cracking up and very proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My nephew failed a grammar test. I consoled him

I said "their there they're"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dabroski710
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a sister, and she has a son- my nephew.

As it turns out, he turned to cannibalism, and my other sister was one of my nephew's victims.

He's a real aunteater.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bearrunner44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't have any kids. According to my nephew, this disqualifies me from telling dad jokes. But he's always preaching that my diet is too high in carbohydrates, so my eating habits really irritate him and get under his skin.

I guess this makes me his carbuncle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
My nephew’s school is having a fundraiser.

They are selling salsa and he sent me the flyer.

https://i.imgur.com/TRmu8ry.jpg

I replied that I think it’s very unfair and he’s going to get sick eating that much salsa.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I tell my nephew jokes with unfunny punchlines

He calls them auntie-jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacetree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad says this every time he sees one of his niece or nephews

Dad: So...what grade are you in now?

Them: Grade 8 (at the time)

Dad: Grade 8? ....best 4 years of my life

He says the exact same joke every single time.

πŸ‘︎ 373
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jako67
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
My nephew and I saw a huge turtle in my in-laws yard. He took a picture to put on Snapchat.

Me: #snappingturtle

Nephew: No response

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arshort
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call your Mexican nephew?

Nacho kid!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheerfulsith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend asks her 9 year old nephew, who just ate a huge burrito in record time, to practice eating more slowly in the future

Him: "Ok. Why don't I practice with another burrito?"

This kid is going places.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceoftheancients
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My nephew was complaining that the weapon in his sandbox survival video game was "too week"

"Two week?" I said. "Is that why it's called 'Fortnight'?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/one_mississippi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My nephew smacked his face on the rear view mirror of a car...

I told him "Be careful, it's closer than it appears."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpudsMcKensey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My nephew is having his undescended testicle repaired today via surgery my dad says this...

"They are going to go in through the belly button with a pool cue and try to hit the ball back into the pocket" - such a dad joke, but we both died laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2guineapigs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
My nephew has the gift of dad

I took my niece and nephews hiking today. In the car, my niece (6) said "I have mommy's ears". To which her brother (12) responded, "No, you have your own."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My three year-old nephew is going to be a great dad

Nephew was dressed as a hot dog for Halloween.

Me: Go ahead to the next house we will catch up Nephew (looking dejected): I don't have any ketchup.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImdownwDetroit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
After pointing out some geese flying in a V to my nephew.

Me: "Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?"

Him: "No, why?"

Me: "Because there's more geese on that side"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scoo89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I saw my nephew after a long time, and said β€œWow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last!”

He said, β€œNo. I still have two.”

πŸ‘︎ 284
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he said β€œsix” and I said that can’t be possible your six

He then said β€œhe’s been a dad since I was born”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drunk-kaboom8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my nephew after a year and said, β€œWow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last.”

He said, β€œNope. Still have two.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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