I yelled out, "Oasis!"
Edit: My first ever attempt at a dad joke, and i never thought i would get anywhere this much upvotes. Thank y'all so much!
then owl be a monkey's uncle.
Then he could be named Broda.
I'm a gator-incest investigation instigator.
“I’m in bread”
To keep the best jeans within the family.
His older brother is called Pre Malone and his middle brother is called Present Malone.
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Hell ya, Brother!
Today is a cry-sis crisis
A Hebrew and a Shebrew!
“Stop interrupting! It’s not your story, it’s ‘history.’”
Edit: not sure how to express the pun of the word ‘history’ so to clarify, it’s a play on ‘his story.’
Kim Jong-Deux and Kim Jong-Trois
My sis died and as soon as she was freed from the cage, she asked "Am I rescued?"
Could not resist and replied "Nope. You're adopted."
Sidenote: we're all blood related just to let you all know.
So, its the day "Clash of the Titans' comes out in theaters. My dad decides to take my brother and I, (we're all big fans), so we get there early and are waiting out in the lobby, my dad and brother go to the bathroom, I wait on a bench for them. A few minutes go by and I see them coming out, my dad giggling at himself, my brother red with embarrassment, and some men behind them laughing.. I want to know, but do I really want to know?
"What did you do?"
He proceeded to tell me of how he overheard some guys chatting about how excited they are for the movie, then realized everyone in there was probably going to see the same movie we are, so he thought it would be a good idea to get in the conversation. He calmy unzipped his pants and yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" as he peed.
And that was all he said.
My poor brother.
Setting: At a restaurant with my newly adopted brother and my parents.
The server comes to the table and gets our drink orders, introduces herself, etc. After she walks away the following conversation ensues.
Brother: Did she say her name is Shinomy?
Brother: She don't know you!
Me: "Hey, have you guys heard of that new rapping toast?"
Them: "No, who?"
Me: "He crumbles under pressure and calls himself Ludacrust."
Them: Collective groans.
Fiancée: "You are way too proud of yourself."
My dad walks in, and I hollar, "Whatcha up to Dad?" Dad: "Oh about 5"7 and still growing!" Facepalms insue.