My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.
He is my cousin, twice [removed]
My cousin died when an A/C unit fell on him.
I was playing football with my younger cousin earlier today
Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window.
We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.
Grandma texted to say my cousin named her baby girl Hadison.
My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.
He’s my cousin, twice [removed].
I recently found out that my spanish friend killed his cousin because he stole his train model.
Guess it is a pretty loco motive
My Canadian cousin used to be an alcoholic
He's doing better since he joined the Eh Eh
My cousin texted me this.
My cousin is an aspiring plumber. He asked me how to be successful.
"Hard work and defecation."
My 4 year old cousin told me that cows make milk. So naturally I told her the brown cows make chocolate milk. And her jaw hit the floor. I then told her that pink cows make strawberry milk and then she caught me in my lie and said...
My cousin runs a thriving deer farm.
He’s really rolling in the doe.
My 7yo cousin told my dad this joke yesterday:
Context: Yesterday my dad and I were cruising around doing some father's day bonding. We see a big grassy field with some trees in it and he says, "That looks like a great place to play frisbee." I respond, "And an even better place to play frisbee golf!" (A game we made up where you throw frisbees around trees)
My cousin was quietly playing on her iPad when she responds, "That's hockey."
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Have you heard of tiktok's cousin?
My cousin is the most bad ass person I know
When he poops the whole house stinks.
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
My cousin Elle got married to Menno Peters; so now I call them the alphabet couple...
Elle & Menno P.
If they ever have kids, I'm lobbying hard for Jake and Kay.
Did anyone know that Cardi B had an Irish cousin who is a lung/heart specialist?
She's named Cardi O'Vascular.
Was so happy that my cousin passed the bar!!
I mean it was closed.. covid and all.. but still happy.
My stupid cousin thinks he's collected one of every board game ever made.
That idiot doesn't have a Clue.
I just found out that my cousin with a stuttering problem died in prison.
He didn’t even finish his sentence.
I asked my cousin how old his dad was, he said “six”?
I said “how can your dad be only six when you’re six?” He said “because he’s only been a dad since I was born.”
My cousin is a geometry teacher who simply abhors x, y and z...
He considers them to be the Axes of Evil.
Did you hear Ludacris' cousin Lewis started rapping?
He calls himself Ridiclewis.
What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..
They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.
Did you know Al Capone had a cousin in Scotland?
They called him the Loch Ness Mobster.
My cousin asked for clothes, i replied "Let's go to Tom....
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?
What do you call the curious cousin of the crocodile?
my cousin doesnt often think before she cracks a joke
My cousins are like the letter K.
They are okay by themselves, but get horribly racist when 3 of them get together.
My cousin thinks she's clever...
Have you heard about Vladimir Putin’s Jamaican cousin?
Did you know E.T. has an Italian cousin?
His name is Z.T.
-A joke told by my dad when I was on the phone with him this weekend.
My mom just told me that my stuttering cousin died in prison
He couldn’t even finish his sentence
My cousin was in the hospital and he couldn’t walk or talk. “What was wrong with him?”
Nothing he was just born 2 hours ago
My cousin's middle school student drew this in her art class
My cousin is mute and likes to communicate via embroidery
I guess it's a version of sign language, sew to speak
Hey Cousin Bruce! Did you hear that my mom goes out and fights crime?
Bruce: Yeah! She's the best vigilAUNTIE out there.
How does an alligator call its cousin?
They crocodile their number
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long lost hipster cousin.
My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
When my cousin Frank died, his body was cremated, and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
My cousin was at a Mexican apple eating competition.
Turns out he Juan first place.
Ant Man has a cousin who doesn't know how to do anything
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.
Apparently he’s a con artist.
Cousin is Camping outside
Me: Can I have that piece of paper?
From inside tent: Yeah, why does it say Mal on it?
Me: I wanted to make sure there was no Malintent
Today I met Tila Tequila’s latin cousin
This sign from my cousin's 17th birthday party is punderful.
TIL: Einstein married his cousin Elsa.
Even his marriage was relative.
My annoying cousin dropped our grandma's urn
He's always been a pain in the ash
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
While on a walk at my family reunion, my mom turned to me while I was with my cousins.
Mom: Can the four of you get together for a picture?
Me: There’s four of me?
Dad: [Continuing a story] He was my mother's brother's son... What does that make him?
My wife: That makes him your first cousin.
Dad: Yeah, but, he had a twin.
My wife: So? They were both your first cousins.
Dad: Yeah but one of them had to be born first, one of them had to be born second.
What did Einstein say when he married his first cousin?
I was in my kitchen and my cousin went next to me as I was looking at the brownies, placed a fork and said fork u. + to add on to this as I was trying to take this photo the brightness wasn’t working properly so my dad’s girlfriend goes “guess you could say it’s forked”
What’s the name of Draculas vegan cousin ?
So my cousin posted on Facebook today #IVotedForGary
My dad Gary responded:
"Thanks man, but I wasn't even running. I was walking."
Edit: Woah, this blew up more than I expected. Thanks, guys. I'll make sure to thank my dad for the fake internet points for a joke that made me groan. He's gonna love it.
What did the peanut say when his cousin was being bullied?
Pecan someone your own size!
Girlfriend's cousin was asking an uncle about his career in HVAC
I'll tell you something working in HVAC sucks... Other times it blows...
Have you heard about Cardi B’s athletic cousin?
Wanna know why we call my cousin the Transformer?
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.
I sent his family my Gondolences.
What do you call your stupid cousin from the Capital of Syria?
I was impressed that my cousin had won a Gold Medal, until I found out that they were just raffling off bags of flour where he worked.
My cousins from Barcelona came for a surprise visit weeks ago. They're still here!
I didn't expect the Spanish imposition...
So my cousin said she hated me after this one.
We were chatting in the car talking about how her brother wants to get into medicine as a doctor or become a teacher.
Her: Yeah he wants to either become a teacher or a doctor, I think he'd be best as a teacher because he has a lot of patience.
Me: Well yeah he'd have that either way.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
I have a cousin who always takes a siesta.
Mom: I'm going to run down to my cousin's house. She needs to borrow the car.
Dad: If she needs the car, maybe you should drive there.
My cousin always refused to do his math homework as a kid
And to this day he’s never amounted to anything.
My dad saw my two cousins (both dressed as Elsa) get sticks caught in their dresses
My aunt: “oops look like they’re tangled up”
My dad: “they’re Frozen not Tangled”
What's Indiana Jones norwegian cousin called ?
Knee-on-sine. Made this for my punny cousin for his 30th birthday this weekend.
Joke From My 14 yr old Cousin
>I caught a cold last night. Where did I store it you might ask? In the fridge.
I did some research to find out that NASCAR is a distant cousin of Formula One.
I’m just trying to improve race relations.
At grandpa's 80th birthday party. Cake time, cousin asked for milk followed by "What's the difference betweent 1% milk and 2%?"
Without missing a beat my uncle ( her dad) says "1%"
Simple but made the whole table laugh
I had my French cousins over for dinner last night.
They wouldn't stop talking about their New Years Revolutions.
So a frog's cousin went to a bar....
... on Friday night and parked in a zone that allowed 24 hour parking on weekends, but only 2 hour parking during the week. While he was there, a family member slipped something into his drink and sold him to a gang that traffics in frog legs. After the amputation he was taken to a hospital. He woke up to his mother telling him him the story you just read. He was a bit froggy from the sedatives, so he said "whaaaa?".
She replied: "I to'd you, toad, you got towed because you we're de-toed by de toad.
Does E. Honda from Street Fighter 2 have a Korean cousin named...
Country girl goes to visit her big city cousin.
So the two girls get invited to a dance. The country girl thinks this might be too high brow for her, and tells her cousin, “Golly, them city fellers might think I’m just a dumb hick.” Her cousin says, “Don’t worry. Just do as I do and you’ll be fine.” After hours of dancing they got tired, so they sat down. Another guy comes and asks the city girl to dance. She smiles sweetly and says “I’m contemplating matrimony and I think I’d like to sit.” So when the next guy comes up to ask the country girl to dance she smiles confidently and says, “I’m constipated on macaroni and I think I’d like to shit.”
My cousin dropped his computer on his foot....
My cousin had hummus confiscated by the TSA today.
My cousin met up with a friend he hadn't seen in a while.
After the guy walked away, my cousin told me, "I think he grew a foot since the last time I saw him."
I replied, "I didn't realize he was missing one."
My veteran cousin opened a dentist office.
They named it Drill Sergeants'
Were you aware that Bruce Lee had a cousin that always told the truth?
It’s serious, Honest-Lee.
I asked my cousin and daughter to stand next to each other today and asked them who was taller
It’s me, but they came at a close second and third.
My Italian cousin went to buy a TV but came back as an eye doctor.
He just wanted "A tell a vision."
my gay cousin recently bought a house with his partner
guess they are finally moving in twogayther