My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.

He is my cousin, twice [removed]

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
My cousin died when an A/C unit fell on him.

What a cool way to go!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lordstevenson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I was playing football with my younger cousin earlier today

Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window. We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wavykevy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Grandma texted to say my cousin named her baby girl Hadison.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fishbulb77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.

He’s my cousin, twice [removed].

πŸ‘︎ 545
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I recently found out that my spanish friend killed his cousin because he stole his train model.

Guess it is a pretty loco motive

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Michael428
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
My Canadian cousin used to be an alcoholic

He's doing better since he joined the Eh Eh

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My cousin texted me this.
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tomodachi_boi
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
My cousin is an aspiring plumber. He asked me how to be successful.

"Hard work and defecation."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simounstar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old cousin told me that cows make milk. So naturally I told her the brown cows make chocolate milk. And her jaw hit the floor. I then told her that pink cows make strawberry milk and then she caught me in my lie and said...

No, pigs do that!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball_hawk15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
My cousin runs a thriving deer farm.

He’s really rolling in the doe.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
My 7yo cousin told my dad this joke yesterday:

Context: Yesterday my dad and I were cruising around doing some father's day bonding. We see a big grassy field with some trees in it and he says, "That looks like a great place to play frisbee." I respond, "And an even better place to play frisbee golf!" (A game we made up where you throw frisbees around trees)

My cousin was quietly playing on her iPad when she responds, "That's hockey."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindsbo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison

He didn't even finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13010013
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of tiktok's cousin?

He is called tic tac

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vytisgytis
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My cousin is the most bad ass person I know

When he poops the whole house stinks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abybaddi009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.

'Stuff was completely one-sided

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unspecified_bagel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
My cousin Elle got married to Menno Peters; so now I call them the alphabet couple...

... Elle & Menno P. ... If they ever have kids, I'm lobbying hard for Jake and Kay.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Did anyone know that Cardi B had an Irish cousin who is a lung/heart specialist?

She's named Cardi O'Vascular.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goldsmobile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Was so happy that my cousin passed the bar!!

I mean it was closed.. covid and all.. but still happy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
My stupid cousin thinks he's collected one of every board game ever made.

That idiot doesn't have a Clue.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my cousin with a stuttering problem died in prison.

He didn’t even finish his sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Insayne-iwnl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my cousin how old his dad was, he said β€œsix”?

I said β€œhow can your dad be only six when you’re six?” He said β€œbecause he’s only been a dad since I was born.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BawkMcGraw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
My cousin is a geometry teacher who simply abhors x, y and z...

He considers them to be the Axes of Evil.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Ludacris' cousin Lewis started rapping?

He calls himself Ridiclewis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the-caped-cadaver
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?

Funions

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmckenzie7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..

They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y33T-HAW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Did you know Al Capone had a cousin in Scotland?

They called him the Loch Ness Mobster.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoDashie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin asked for clothes, i replied "Let's go to Tom....

...Hilfiger it out"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?

The Hollandaise

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pricklydoughball
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the curious cousin of the crocodile?

An investigator

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ClashOfTheEnder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
my cousin doesnt often think before she cracks a joke
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dykejoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousins are like the letter K.

They are okay by themselves, but get horribly racist when 3 of them get together.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin thinks she's clever...
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creepyfollow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Vladimir Putin’s Jamaican cousin?

His name is Ras Putin.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_spill_things
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know E.T. has an Italian cousin?

His name is Z.T.

-A joke told by my dad when I was on the phone with him this weekend.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My mom just told me that my stuttering cousin died in prison

He couldn’t even finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rossmannion189
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin was in the hospital and he couldn’t walk or talk. β€œWhat was wrong with him?”

Nothing he was just born 2 hours ago

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Greatnite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin's middle school student drew this in her art class
πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicalBear202
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin is mute and likes to communicate via embroidery

I guess it's a version of sign language, sew to speak

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey Cousin Bruce! Did you hear that my mom goes out and fights crime?

Bruce: Yeah! She's the best vigilAUNTIE out there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an alligator call its cousin?

They crocodile their number

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thevectorvictor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long lost hipster cousin.

Douche Baggins.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hippoplatypus7
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When my cousin Frank died, his body was cremated, and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.

Now he's Frank in stein.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin was at a Mexican apple eating competition.

Turns out he Juan first place.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radicall1128
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Ant Man has a cousin who doesn't know how to do anything

They call him Cant Man

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/freezeman1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.

Apparently he’s a con artist.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Cousin is Camping outside

Me: Can I have that piece of paper?

From inside tent: Yeah, why does it say Mal on it?

Me: I wanted to make sure there was no Malintent

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tridea2514
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I met Tila Tequila’s latin cousin

Tela Novela

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robbiewesters
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
This sign from my cousin's 17th birthday party is punderful.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/southbayadam21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: Einstein married his cousin Elsa.

Even his marriage was relative.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My annoying cousin dropped our grandma's urn

He's always been a pain in the ash

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J24cihpsd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?

The way over therewolf.

πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cartak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
While on a walk at my family reunion, my mom turned to me while I was with my cousins.

Mom: Can the four of you get together for a picture?

Me: There’s four of me?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockman2254
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad's Cousins

Dad: [Continuing a story] He was my mother's brother's son... What does that make him?

My wife: That makes him your first cousin.

Dad: Yeah, but, he had a twin.

My wife: So? They were both your first cousins.

Dad: Yeah but one of them had to be born first, one of them had to be born second.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geescottjay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Einstein say when he married his first cousin?

It’s all relative.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in my kitchen and my cousin went next to me as I was looking at the brownies, placed a fork and said fork u. + to add on to this as I was trying to take this photo the brightness wasn’t working properly so my dad’s girlfriend goes β€œguess you could say it’s forked”
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weewoman11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the name of Draculas vegan cousin ?

Rucola

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Macarine
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
So my cousin posted on Facebook today #IVotedForGary

My dad Gary responded:

"Thanks man, but I wasn't even running. I was walking."

Edit: Woah, this blew up more than I expected. Thanks, guys. I'll make sure to thank my dad for the fake internet points for a joke that made me groan. He's gonna love it.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnoticPeaches
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the peanut say when his cousin was being bullied?

Pecan someone your own size!

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Popes1ckle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend's cousin was asking an uncle about his career in HVAC

I'll tell you something working in HVAC sucks... Other times it blows...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Cardi B’s athletic cousin?

Her name is Cardi O

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iTomWright
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know why we call my cousin the Transformer?

Her name's Carmen

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BLenciusMount
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.

I sent his family my Gondolences.

πŸ‘︎ 242
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyetalianman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call your stupid cousin from the Capital of Syria?

Dumb Ass Cuz.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingofthepassel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was impressed that my cousin had won a Gold Medal, until I found out that they were just raffling off bags of flour where he worked.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousins from Barcelona came for a surprise visit weeks ago. They're still here!

I didn't expect the Spanish imposition...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
So my cousin said she hated me after this one.

We were chatting in the car talking about how her brother wants to get into medicine as a doctor or become a teacher.

Her: Yeah he wants to either become a teacher or a doctor, I think he'd be best as a teacher because he has a lot of patience. Me: Well yeah he'd have that either way.

πŸ‘︎ 222
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reddrage_nyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?

Pump Kins

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a cousin who always takes a siesta.

He’s my napkin.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awbx58
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: I'm going to run down to my cousin's house. She needs to borrow the car.

Dad: If she needs the car, maybe you should drive there.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikesanerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My cousin always refused to do his math homework as a kid

And to this day he’s never amounted to anything.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad saw my two cousins (both dressed as Elsa) get sticks caught in their dresses

My aunt: β€œoops look like they’re tangled up” My dad: β€œthey’re Frozen not Tangled”

πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zomburger257
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What's Indiana Jones norwegian cousin called ?

Harrison Fjord

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeviaI
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Knee-on-sine. Made this for my punny cousin for his 30th birthday this weekend.
πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Joke From My 14 yr old Cousin

>I caught a cold last night. Where did I store it you might ask? In the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patback42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I did some research to find out that NASCAR is a distant cousin of Formula One.

I’m just trying to improve race relations.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
At grandpa's 80th birthday party. Cake time, cousin asked for milk followed by "What's the difference betweent 1% milk and 2%?"

Without missing a beat my uncle ( her dad) says "1%"

Simple but made the whole table laugh

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDocMrMaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I had my French cousins over for dinner last night.

They wouldn't stop talking about their New Years Revolutions.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
So a frog's cousin went to a bar....

... on Friday night and parked in a zone that allowed 24 hour parking on weekends, but only 2 hour parking during the week. While he was there, a family member slipped something into his drink and sold him to a gang that traffics in frog legs. After the amputation he was taken to a hospital. He woke up to his mother telling him him the story you just read. He was a bit froggy from the sedatives, so he said "whaaaa?".

She replied: "I to'd you, toad, you got towed because you we're de-toed by de toad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dakkamakka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Does E. Honda from Street Fighter 2 have a Korean cousin named...

E. Hyundai?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_becks_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Country girl goes to visit her big city cousin.

So the two girls get invited to a dance. The country girl thinks this might be too high brow for her, and tells her cousin, β€œGolly, them city fellers might think I’m just a dumb hick.” Her cousin says, β€œDon’t worry. Just do as I do and you’ll be fine.” After hours of dancing they got tired, so they sat down. Another guy comes and asks the city girl to dance. She smiles sweetly and says β€œI’m contemplating matrimony and I think I’d like to sit.” So when the next guy comes up to ask the country girl to dance she smiles confidently and says, β€œI’m constipated on macaroni and I think I’d like to shit.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousin dropped his computer on his foot....

He says it MegaHertz.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousin had hummus confiscated by the TSA today.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyTheFace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My cousin met up with a friend he hadn't seen in a while.

After the guy walked away, my cousin told me, "I think he grew a foot since the last time I saw him."

I replied, "I didn't realize he was missing one."

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LongHairedEagle
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My veteran cousin opened a dentist office.

They named it Drill Sergeants'

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twinsaber123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Were you aware that Bruce Lee had a cousin that always told the truth?

It’s serious, Honest-Lee.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnbob-John
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my cousin and daughter to stand next to each other today and asked them who was taller

It’s me, but they came at a close second and third.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phone-Charger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My Italian cousin went to buy a TV but came back as an eye doctor.

He just wanted "A tell a vision."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
my gay cousin recently bought a house with his partner

guess they are finally moving in twogayther

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrImthatdude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.