My dad was born in Japan. We're an average looking white family. My dad says he doesn't look Asian because when he crossed the ocean he became disoriented.
You know the first french fries, wasnt actually cooked in France but in Greece...😂
Driving with Dad listening to some pop music station. Meghan Trainor comes on the radio.
Dad: "Hey did you know that Muslims love Meghan Trainor?"
Me: How do you know that?
Dad: "I just heard they're Allah bout that bass."
>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work? > At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!
I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture.... >Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work? > At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!
Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...
Driving through Groton, VT and my dad says "lets stop for some potatoes au groton (like au gratin)." then he laughed for 15 minutes
For the record, my dad didn't say any of these. Also, they get kind of weird near the end.
My vacuum sucks, or, rather, doesn't suck.
That drawing looks sketchy. Something about it looks... shady.
Lightbulb is a smart guy. Some might even say he's bright.
"Mmm, cheesy" he says as he takes the macaroni out of the oven.
When entering a planetarium, my father mentioned how he'd like some cookies with his Milky Way.
Oreolas = cookie nipples (Couldn't really think of a way to set this one up that didn't make it even more awkward.)
"Underwear? Under there?" My dad mentioned as he put his pants away.
Edit: If you've any others, share them in the comments!
Me: "Yea, it was intense"
Dad: "Like the indians..." flahes goofy smile in anticipation for laughs
Dad: Whatcha reading?
Me: Just Reddit
Dad: Well if you already read it why are you reading it again?! (Nudges me) Get it?? Hahahaha
Me: (rolls eyes) Ha.Ha.
The direction the first letter faces
With a cowculator!
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Daughter: "I was adopted?"
Dad: "You were adorable as a baby!"
Dad: "That's why we adopted you. "
I haven’t reddit yet
He thought homes were built, not born.
To get to the other sigh
I still have flashbacks
Every Saturday, I see him hitting new Lowe’s.
Because it is apparent
At the last ultrasound appointment they asked me if i had any questions
"What's your return policy?"
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
I’m sure someone else invented it but I couldn’t be prouder.
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
I never got a straight answer.
I have been challenged to a dad joke face off. I need at least 20 dad jokes that will make someone laugh before I do to win a tournament. Give me your best!
EDIT: oh my god 1k upvotes! THIS like, tripled my post karma. You guys are incredible. Much love!
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
Me: Wait, what? Really?
Dad: Yeah, a Finnish Hymn.
They store it in dad-a-base.
He said "There was a sail."
The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"
Son: but you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was a good one....
I hope this type of post is allowed!
I am going to visit my grandma this Tuesday to say goodbye to her. She is 87 and very ill, she is mentally still with it but in a lot of pain. She sounds at peace, I think she is just doing her best to hang on til we can get to her.
My grandma loves stupid jokes, dad jokes, puns, all that stuff. I’d love to share some laughs with her when I say goodbye. Hit me with your favorite and dumbest dad jokes and I will share the best ones with her.
Thank you Reddit fam!
If I ever became vegan it would be a huge missedsteak.
We are ordering dinner, I asked My kiddo what she would like. She says "Can I get a Caesar wrap."
So I say "Yo-Yo, I'm MC Cesar, and I'm here to say, I got stabbed in the back, et tu, brute?"
The stare and silence was remarkable & amazing. Made even better with the high five received by the dad sitting next to us.
Dad: “Sorry, son... That’s not possible.”
Son: “I really did, I promise!”
Dad: “It isn’t possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.”
Son: “Why not?”
Dad: “Because, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!”