Dad Grill Puns

A grill runs out of gas

Son: "Dad? Can you make me a burger?"

Dad: "Sure! (waives tongs like a magic wand) POOF! You're a burger!"

(Dad laughing hysterically. Son rolls eyes)

He responded with, “It’s not walking away.”

Dad: Why didn't you make me a grilled cheese too?

Me: I dunno. I didn't think you wanted one.

Dad: I guess I wasn't Gouda-nough

"Actually, they're medium-well."

I paused for a good 10 seconds as it began to sink in, and then gave her the biggest applause I could.

I'm so happy.

...Everything isn't going to fit on one little hot dog.

They were tasty, but apparently they were the pits to work with.

We were making some burgers on the grill and after they were done the coals still had some life left. I asked my dad, "If you want we could toast the buns." He replied, "Of course! To the buns!" raising his glass in the air.

Luckily it finally dawned on me.

🤦🏻‍♂️ Got a big 12 pound brisket on the grill today, and several more dad jokes in the chamber. Doin dad stuff.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

A while back, I had a small housewarming cookout. While my dad was eating a burger and I was still on the grill, he had some sort of episode where his heart stopped. Ambulance came and took him to the hospital and now he's doing fine again.

However... He tells all his friends now "You should try my son's grilling. He makes killer burgers. They're absolutely to die for"

facepalm

Now THAT'S a devoted dad-joker

"On the grill!"

Even though all his kids are adults kow, my dad still pulls out the old classics while we're out to the local burger joint.

I was being my usual dad witty self today when my wife and I were talking about how much food we had grilled this weekend for meals for the week. I told my wife that she was just using me for my grill.

Without skipping a beat, my son said, "she's a grill digger."

My dad: I'll have steak.

Waitress: How would you like that cooked?

My dad: (completely straight faced) hmm.. On the grill.

Mom: "Honey, could you please go turn the grill on?"

Dad: "Should I take my pants off in front of it?!"

Mom is confused and my father and I are laughing our arses off!!

He ordered a burger.

Server: "How would you like that cooked?"

Dad: "On the grill, preferably."

Dad had to clarify that he was just joking because the server was dumbfounded. Server said he didn't laugh because if my dad was serious and he did laugh, he'd be in trouble.

"It must suck to be a cow in Florida, they're probably really hot" said my mom.

"Yeah probably, but not as hot as they'll be when they're on the grill!" replied dad.

Classic dad.

My dad and I were preparing streaks for the family, he tells me how i should put it on the grill.

Dad: "so when you put these on, lie them down at a good 45 degrees, after 5 mins, turn them 45 degrees the other way, get a nice cross pattern on them."

Me: "45 degrees? Dad that's pretty cold I doubt it'll cook in 5 mins."

I stopped by my parents house for dinner - Mom: I picked up Halibut at Costco Dad: I'm gunna marinate it and grill just for the Halibut!

So I asked my dad (a pretty good cook) how to properly grill chicken. His response:

In a basement cement block room, with a locked door, place a chair under a bright light. Have the chicken sit in the chair and aggressively ask it probing questions.

If it doesn't give honest answers, slap it around a little.

Had some food from the grill tonight, including grilled veggies.

Wife asked me to hand her the plate with the veggies for seconds. I told her there was some spare zucchini, but we didn't have a spare agus.

All around the table there were groans, except my step dad who thought it was hilarious.

Son: Dad, what's for dinner?
Me: fires up the grill
Me: It's a mistake!
Son: Why a mistake?
Me: Because she's married Mr. Steak!
Me: Ties Dad of the Year Apron and proceeds to grill some steaks

Every time my dad goes to Wendy's he looks at the menu as if he is confused and asks "do you read the chicken their rights before you grill them?"

Every time.

But I don't know how to tuna fish.

From my dad at the dinner table this evening, grill cheese and tuna on a bun.

Mom: Hey, turn the grill on.

Dad: Oh? What do you want me to say? I'll tell her she looks pretty.

Me: I'm hungry can you make me a sandwich?

Dad: Here, let me make you a grilled cheese.

(proceeds to open fridge, and take out the cheese)

Dad: GOD DAMNIT CHEESE,YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHIN. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET SOME WORK DONE TODAY. KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WONT BE HERE NEXT MONDAY...

I never got a sandwich.

Me: I usually cook bacon on a Foreman Grill.

Dad: This is a Foreman.

Me: Huh?

Dad: pointing at himself It's FOR MAN.

Dad: "Hey my grill is really hot. My grill keeps me warm. My grill is smokin! She's my number one grill."

Dads about to start grilling for dinner.

Sister: How are you going to cook my steak?

Dad: Very carefully.

I'm not a dad, and this is probably one of the older ones in the book. My little sister just got her first car and I was grilling her on the details.

Me: How many wheels does it have?
Her: 4!
Me: Did it not come with a steering wheel?
Her: Ugh...

I came in with grilled steaks, sausage, and hot dogs. I yelled up to my dad that hot dogs were ready and he says "Alright, sounds like a WEINER to me"