What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Go to sweep, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...

And he said, β€œBecause your mother is always right.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?

"I've had it with your altitude"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levivilla4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?

Eleph-aunt

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Ostrich2974
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Repetition is the Mother of learning.

So who's the father?

Daddycation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skraatatta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...

...But I know she's the minimum height.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lohin123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.

She didn’t razor right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
How I Met Your Mother was just

one long Ted Talk

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.

It meant a great deal to me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taco_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Your mother is iron man. How do I know?

She's a Fe male

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moosetwin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?

You cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I took out my mother in law yesterday

Being a sniper is so much fun

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cameforthevibe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.

"Ma'am you son dried "

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?

Can't say. Mum's the word.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic

because she died from a giant crab.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."

Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?

Single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swistiannt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?

Mum bye.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?

Apparent

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomD3vil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?

Mum, bye.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perry655
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What does your mother's sister eat when she's mad?

A Cross Aunt

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joku455
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is

The law

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the psychic say to her mother at the shady auto dealership?

β€œBad car ma.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?

Where's popcorn?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My children got their good looks from their mother.

I kept mine.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holysitkit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just

a really long TED talk

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gauravgandhi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midgets mother?

Minimum.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I met your mother on a dating site.

I don't know, we just clicked.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emezzeta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother will not stop complaining about her stairlift.

She tells me the thing is driving her up the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIamInSpaaace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?"

The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/psyqqer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small mother in the UK?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xace49
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?

Labor & delivery at your cervix!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call your mother's 80-year-old sister who is afraid of everything?

Aunt Eek!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPeanut76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he could behave..

β€œWhy do I always have to pay you to be good”

Why can’t you be a good for nothing like your dad

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...

she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abionic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When people ask about my heritage, I tell them there is an unfortunate side effect of my mother being Italian and my father being Polish ....

I’ll make you an offer I can’t understand.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLukas71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother is a gangster

She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Repetition is the Mother of learning.

So who's the father?

Daddycation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skraatatta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear Mother in law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

It turns out that identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoftAndMinty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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