When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
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︎ Aug 20 2020
How I Met Your Mother was just
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I took out my mother in law yesterday
Being a sniper is so much fun
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︎ Dec 11 2020
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?
Can't say. Mum's the word.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."
Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Dear Mother in law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic
because she died from a giant crab.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What does your mother's sister eat when she's mad?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
What did the psychic say to her mother at the shady auto dealership?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?
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︎ Oct 08 2020
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
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︎ Aug 28 2020
My children got their good looks from their mother.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
What do you call a midgets mother?
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︎ Nov 06 2020
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?
Labor & delivery at your cervix!
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︎ Nov 05 2020
A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?"
The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"
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︎ Oct 11 2020
My mother will not stop complaining about her stairlift.
She tells me the thing is driving her up the wall.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
A mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he could behave..
βWhy do I always have to pay you to be goodβ
Why canβt you be a good for nothing like your dad
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
My mother is a gangster
She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".
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︎ Oct 16 2020
When people ask about my heritage, I tell them there is an unfortunate side effect of my mother being Italian and my father being Polish ....
Iβll make you an offer I canβt understand.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What is a baby deerβs favorite cheese dip to make with his mother?
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︎ Oct 12 2020
A friend of mine decided to become a surrogate mother.
She said she had womb to spare.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
The wife's mother was taken ill...
So I swiftly rushed off to find a pen and paper to write for an ambulance.
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︎ Sep 24 2020
My mother called the cops on me because she heard I was dealing coke in the neighborhood
I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.
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︎ Sep 18 2020
Why is it my mother tongue and not my father tongue?
Because my mom doesn't allow my dad to say anything
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, Iβll be right there, let me just...
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︎ Sep 23 2020
My wife's mother is a lawyer.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Your mother couldnβt believe that an actual skunk could predict the future.
But it was a real fortune smeller.
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︎ Aug 26 2020
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problems with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about eating the mother of two.
But upon further consideration he was gladiator.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
My motherβs leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
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︎ Jul 13 2020
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just
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︎ Oct 09 2020
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
It turns out that identity theft is a crime.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
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