Thank god for nipples!

Otherwise boobies would be pointless

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tartar-buildup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?

He was Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
I have come to love all of gods creatures.

Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toweliieee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
Good Christians always wear masks when going nextdoor, for God hath said:

Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life

But he cane fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dildo_Swaginns
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
God, they are invading us: we need LAW & ORDER!!!
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AkaGurGor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Good god
πŸ‘︎ 902
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firefighter353
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...

...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him β€œWhat’s wrong, Lord?” God replied β€œI think I’m gonna call it a day.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_on
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
god and anime
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Why does God look so ripped on all paintings?

Because he was the body builder.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrazilBazil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Hindu God taking birth as lightning McQueen

Incarnation.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/within_kamath23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Step 1: be friends with a god. Step 2: tell other people about your friend.

Step 3: prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batman_AoD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
If god is love, and love is blind

Ray Charles must be god

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frederik_engberg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
God damnit...
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CornLuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I’m thinking of ending my book with God sending a letter to the main character.

A Deus Fax Machina, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daddyflextape
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
God, they are invading us: we need LAW & ORDER!!!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AkaGurGor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Thank you God for providing me and my family with these instant noodles for supper.

Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoPotato69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Some children treat their parents like god.

They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
...and God said "come forth and I will grant you eternal life."

But I came fifth and just got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
God got tired as he said - "Let there be light"

so he thought, let's call it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sherlockOnDrugs
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?

Apollo

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unleashtheducks
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
So i made this during the 2014 world cup, and thank God Germany won
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/illumi_nazi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
A man leaps into the Doctor's office, flashlight in his mouth, both hands behind his back, screaming "It's the mawkew! Oh God the Mawkew!!...

...I fell on my awt supplies and it went stwaight up my wectum"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahughman
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
God blessed my beans and meat

It's spirit-chilli ready to eat

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. β€˜Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’

β€˜Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths β€˜ was his technically correct answer

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Atheist say upon dying and meeting God?

Well I’ll be damned.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
God gave me an opportunity

God said he's giving me an opportunity to pass along to the new world but i missed the train.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mi88ir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Thank god Canada’s not the global super power

Or we'd all be sorry

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/llMude13ll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I asked God, β€œHow long is a million years?” He said, β€œA minute.” I asked God, β€œHow much is a million dollars?” He said, β€œA penny.” So I asked God for a penny and he said.,,

β€œIn a minute.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
How does God watch Netflix?

With a universal remote.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.

The answer was no.

πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A man was leaving the grocery store when he tripped and fell into a puddle. β€œJesus Christ, God Almighty!” he exclaimed. At the same moment, a priest was nearby and said β€œWhat did you say?”

The man responded, β€œCheese and rice, got all muddy!”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Rap god?
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skatardrummer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
Yo god this atheist!
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/12jd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Norse god of the ocean?

Wa-Thor

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Master-of-Puns
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you witness an act of god in a mirror?

A mirrorcle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarthbane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Oh my god i laughed hard
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basuchan2
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
God: "Don't eat the apple from that tree. It's forbidden."

Eve: "Hold up! Who is Bidden and why does he get all the apples?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImInJeopardy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the japanise man who stole liquor from god?

He did it for god's sake.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atvaisman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
What's God's favorite guitar chord?

Gsus7

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IrishWake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
My son was telling me that god might be a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I said, β€œit’s pastable”

Credit to my wife

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sprila
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Wish granting level: God
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/auurevoir
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did god say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?

Well, they can't all be winters.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LinexGuy88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The God of Thunder went into real estate.

He's quite the realthor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I mean, God isn’t wrong.
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sjdhsij
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another

''I Apollo-gise''

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TopHatLlama353
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to get 'God' tattooed on my arteries

But I remembered you shouldn't use the Lords name in vein

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VenterousBrundew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] Need a terrible terrible just god awful pun

My girlfriend bet me I couldn't find a pun so bad that she'd tell me to shut up and fuck off and die. Naturally I want to prove her wrong. Any and all help is appreciated

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said β€œI’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said β€œWhat are you going to do now?” ...

β€œOh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh god oh no.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viking4Life2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A soda can, a gas tank and the Greek god Eros walked into a bar?

The bartender shook his head, β€œHere comes trouble.” A patron at the bar said, β€œWhat’s wrong?” The bartender replied, β€œThose guys get together and they become cantankeros.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If God were a cowboy

would his name be Yeehaweh?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scutshakes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If God nose everything why did he forget voldemort😏
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tidduu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
In the beginning, God created time...

He created it 1 hour at a time. But after he had created 24, he called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwrk92
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
He is speaking the language of the gods.
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyMomIsAnApricot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Historians have discovered a new Greek God who didn’t excel at anything.

His name was mediocretese.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerDad87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did God make only so many wise people?

Because he couldn't have done otherwise

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh god dammit
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tudifar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh god it’s the a-pop-alypse
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lindenj11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Just...oh god
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amberlewis012
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My God that's bad
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Metal-food-n-beer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: "Oh my God!! This sucks!!"

Son: "what happened?!"

Dad: "this new vacuum is incredible"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey god it’s me
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/launie357
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The ancient gods of chicken, with thier servants
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omega_Gammer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did God say when he created a 24 hour period of alternating day and night?

Call it a day

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If Ra (the sun god) had servants,

They would be called Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1nv1516le
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank God, women exists!

Because a world without women would literally be a pain in the ass...

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MidoriMonki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did God say to the cell when he handed it a nucleus

Eukaryote

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruscheinskyc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
God of Sass
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_The_Marshal_
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Block is here to spread the word of God! (Dunno if this is a pun)
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StupidMario64
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I tell a dad joke people give me that β€œoh god” look thinking it’ll make me stop

But eye roll with it

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PepeSilvia267
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If God had low self esteem, would that make him an atheist?

Because he doesn’t believe in himself

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sBroz410
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh my God he's right
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xXDragoneelXx8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What did God say after he separated the light from the darkness?

I think I'll call it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
GOD KAREN

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/osamsoc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh god dam!
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
oh god
πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_ENTER
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Greek God
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basilisk51200
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, β€œwhat are you going to do now?”

God said, β€œI think I’m going to call it a day.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
oh.my.god.
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the god of mischief perform his deeds?

Low key

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KNitsua
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Ohh god, ohh no
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tankeyetitan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
God said to John " come forth and receive eternal life"

But he came fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pg13saisgoodbye
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
And god said to John come forth and receive eternal life

But he came fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camilodmoreno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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