oh my god
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apothegod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.

He kept things pretty low key.

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When God lights a cigarette....

Is it with a match made in Heaven ?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
What is gods favorite chord?

G-sus

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlimyPigLegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alterom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The last one was a stretch (god that was a bad one too) reddit.com/gallery/k4oyvl
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AssAssGlasses
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Greek God of regret?

Apollogies.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
God bless my Dad

Instead of the typical "last year" jokes after midnight, he completely confused my mom by talking about "last month."

"We brought those over last month."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ech0_matrix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Outi94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...

Arthrites.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elliptical_orbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a Marine if he knew about Egyptian gods.

He said, β€œwho, ra?”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Blind god
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Glowstick2019
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Oh my god why have you got that huge lizard?

Husband: You said we needed a baby monitor!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball-_-fondler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When God was handing out brains

I thought he said trains and I missed mine

When he was handing out noses

I thought he said roses so I asked for a big red one

and he gave it me too

When he was handing out willies

I thought he said chillies

So I asked for a small hot one

Please add more below.......................

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I stole fire from the gods

But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Apollo, god of the sun, do when his sideburns get too long?

Eclipse them

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/intrepid604
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me that when it rains it means God is crying.

I agreed with him and told him it was probably because of something he did.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when the vehicle carrying most of the Egyptian gods breaks down?

They have to pull over and wait for Anubis.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxadelick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did french God say to the Catholics?

Je suis christ

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zenyattatron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the God of Chinese food?

MSG-sus

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Good god
πŸ‘︎ 906
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firefighter353
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Most of my friends don't know that I'm actually a shape-shifting Norse god of mayhem and mischief.

I keep it Loki.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the god of the Indian Ocean?

Fishnu

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moped_and_bread
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
And god said to John β€œcome forth and ye shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and only got a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?

Man, I'm thor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank god for nipples!

Otherwise boobies would be pointless

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tartar-buildup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œOh my God!”, my wife said, smiling, β€œour boy is...kicking.”

I said, β€œI know. I think that’s how soccer works.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If the God of Thunder was actually the God of Melting Ice...

... Would he be called Thaw?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
God, they are invading us: we need LAW & ORDER!!!
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AkaGurGor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend the artist made sketches of people worshiping gods and idols...

He drew praise for his artwork.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
In the beginning the god of diabetes said...

Let there be cake!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pharmerino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Good Christians always wear masks when going nextdoor, for God hath said:

Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?

He was Thor.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I have come to love all of gods creatures.

Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toweliieee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a Norse god is scared of something?

They’re aFreyed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vs424reddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
god and anime
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does God look so ripped on all paintings?

Because he was the body builder.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrazilBazil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Some children treat their parents like god.

They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
God damnit...
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CornLuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says

"Well prayed"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
And god said to John, come forth and receive eternal life

But he cane fifth and won a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dildo_Swaginns
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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