Oh god oh no.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viking4Life2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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Someone told me "you believe in god? No way!"

And I was like "Yahweh"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quafflethewaffle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Ohh god, ohh no
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tankeyetitan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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God said to Noah that there was a dinosaur on the ark and Noah replied only with No-ah there isn’t ~joke from when I was 5
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuntrixMata
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Good God No!!

One time I was hiking with my dad and we got caught in a rainstorm. As we were driving back I was changing out of my wet shirt in the car. And as soon as my shirt was up over my face he yelled "Good god no!!" and started swerving and beeping the horn. I thought I was going to die. Thanks dad.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/albert_camus69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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No matter how badass you are, no one is expempt. (Kratos God of War from r/gaming)

https://i.imgur.com/awyB7TE.gifv

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tobieapb
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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No mistake, God created blowholes

On porpoise

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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No wrong way to god

My dad and I are always on serious terms and we barley joke around. The other day we were driving into the church parking lot and he went in the wrong way, to his attention I say "dad you just entered the wrong way" to which he replied "there is no wrong way to god" I've never smiled so hard with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kadam23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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2020 can’t end

Because we’d be admitting 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T_fiki
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second hand shop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Gee gee gaa gaa
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.

Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Have you heard of atheism?

It’s a non-prophet organization

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chicken-littler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...

Number

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Who led the Jewish people across a semi-permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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What’s an opinion without 3.14?

An onion

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blimpymcblimpface
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Baby grass snake says to her mum, am I a poisonous snake?

Mum says no baby.

The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.

So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.

Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"

"What was that?"

"It sounded like the voice of God!"

"Well let's try somewhere else."

They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:

"There are no fish here!"

So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:

"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeppermintBiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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You bet Uranus I’ll be there!
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Been a dad for two years, finally posting something on here.

Something

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goose314
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Ron: Harry, come quick! Dumbledore’s been in some sort of accident!

Harry: Oh my god! Was it serious?

Ron: No. it was Snape.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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How does Mike Rowe (Host of Dirty Jobs) cook most of his meals?

In his Mike-Rowe-Wave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terribleivan22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
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Did you hear about the Norwegian navy?

They're painting bar codes on their ships so when they come into port, they just scan-da-navy-in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttchug-it
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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I lost my virginity

Dad: Oh my god... are you serious?? Me: No dad, i’m Kevin

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tavi-S
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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So a group of nuns is golfing near some men

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FroYo10101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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There was a huge fire at the shoe factory.

Thank God no soles were lost

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Does this mean they're a lie?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0nyn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Dad joking my bandmates...

I always bring a can of tuna to my band practices because anytime someone in my band asks for a tuner, I take the can out and say "This is what you asked for, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickerofElves123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
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Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they are surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing on sacred land and unless they can prove they are descendants of the Gods they will be killed and eaten.

Bob and Frank realize they have little choice but agree they will attempt any test to try to save their lives.

The chief warrior brings them a bowl full of angry fire ants and drops one small seed into the bowl. He informs them they must put their lips in the bowl and suck as hard as they can. If they manage to suck up only the seed without sucking up an ant then the tribe would know they must be sent from the Gods.

Bob looks wearily at Frank but knowing they have no other options he puts his lips in the bowl and sucks hard. He immediately gets a mouth full of ants and screams in pain as they bite away at the inside of his mouth. Frank now even more nervous takes his turn and to his dismay also receives a nasty mouthful of the viscous buggers.

The warriors leap to their feet and surround the friends, β€œNow you must die” declares the chieftain. Just as the first spear is raised to Franks throat he screams β€œTria-Gan!” The warriors stop dead in their tracks. β€œWhat did you say” asked the chief. β€œTria-Gan” yelled frank again. Immediately the chief and his warriors turned and fled into the forest.

β€œHoly shit” said Bob β€œWhat did you just say and how did you know it would work?”

β€œWell” said Frank, β€œmy Mother always told me if at first you don’t suck seed try Tria-Gan.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usernamemispeled
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Damn bugs!

Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!

SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?

Me: No! They are driving me nuts!

SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?

Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomenein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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An Impossible Riddle

Today my father asked me:

F: "Someone's mother.."

Me: "Oh no, please no" (In mind)

F (continues) : "... has four kids: west, south, and north. What is the name of the fourth kid? Tell me"

Me: "..." (Is he making fun of the riddle or himself)

F: "And let me tell you the answer is not EAST, haha"

Me: "..."

F: "It isn't easy eh?"

Me: "Kill me god, please just kill me. This is so painful"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razor54672
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Man I hate grapes

Grapes suck man, I mean potatoes they're appealing ;) and can even grow back even after being smashed ;) out drunk, but grapes they just get drunk and wine and wine and wine ;), oh and corn, god who needs corn, they just party but pop off ;) for no reason, they say after its waters temper ;) but... well I guess water is not good either, they get angry and just boil ;) over... oh and I heard some news about tomatoes they had an affair with cherries ;), I heard that tomatoes wife is gonna get revenge by dewing grass ;), but I can only say one thing the plant party was wild last night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mjk2581
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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My Waitress Tonight Told I Had To Post This

Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.

Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.

Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?

W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?

M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and

W: You should post that joke there!

I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.

I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Funny quotes from Blackadder the Third

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Morning, Mr. B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

[Referring to a suicide pill they have both been given, after being captured by French revolutionaries]

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): I’m glad to say you won’t be needing that pill, Mr. B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words β€œI have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): They certainly are.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Well, forgive me if I don’t do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): We do nothing …

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Yup, it’s another world-beater.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): No, wait. We do nothing … until our heads have actually been cut off.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): And then we … spring into action?

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): [to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.

Baldrick (Tony Robinson): Sounds like a bag of grapefruits to me, Mr B.

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): The phrase, Baldrick, is β€œa case of sour grapes” – and yes it bloody well is.

Mrs. Miggins: The Scarlet Pimpernel, Mr. Blackadder! He’s so exciting, don’t you think?

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson): Actually, I think he’s the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/funny-quotes-from-blackadder-the-third/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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The endless dadjoke

Last night, my daughter and I:

Her: "I'm cold, dad."

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth."

Her: "Dad, stop it! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "No, I'm cold dad, you're cold Elizabeth!"

Her: "Daaaad! I'm cold, dad!"

Me: "I think what you want to say is "Dad, I'm cold.'"

Her: "Dad, I'm cold."

Me: "Hi cold, I'm Dad."

Her: "DAD NO."

Edit: Oh god the formatting was horrible, sorry about that.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanSpice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the stranger’s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasn’t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didn’t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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The Joke that caused my dad to be "randomly selected for a drug test" at work.

To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.

My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:

Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.

LN: What happened?

Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.

LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?

Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.

LN: What was in it?

Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...

LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.

LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?

Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..

LN: mmhmm

Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.

LN: What did he tell you to do?!

Dad: Call a tow truck.

LN: ....what?

Dad: Get it, toe truck?!

LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.

DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.

Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heythereanny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Combined my first 2 joke sets into 1. Enjoy!

I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!

  1. As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
  2. Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
  3. Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
  4. I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
  5. Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
  6. My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
  7. I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
  8. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
  9. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
  10. The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
  11. I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
  12. I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
  13. I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
  14. If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
  15. I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADAToTheMoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My girlfriend was sad and I made it worse

A couple weeks ago we went to the oddball comedyfest show and after it was over we took the train back to my house.

Had picked up some drinks on the way back and are waiting in the train station.

My girlfriend said "Oh my god this is so depressing that the show is over!"

I put my Sprite against the wall with some force and held it there and said

"No this is soda pressing"

Groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnMcNutInMyButt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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I got a date to prom.

I got a date to prom, so I went home to get ready only to relize that I was late. So I have to run down to the limo rental place. The line there was pretty long and after that, I hade to get flowers & chocolate. The line there was also pretty long. Then after that, I finally went to pick her up, she was pretty upset but forgived me and we arrived at our destination. I then got thirst and thank god there was no Punch Line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daxdax_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive women waving at him

He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."

πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limsy37
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Moses was known for being skeptical of God's words.

When God said unto Moses, "I am who I am." Moses said, "No way!" And God said unto him, "Yahweh!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42aku
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Born again

The other day I was telling my wife that I was thinking about finding god and becoming β€œborn again.” She looked a little perplexed and said β€œno way” I looked at her and said β€œYahweh.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustang2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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What's it with Eminem and Dad jokes?

I mean... just look at those:

- Why has Gwen Stacy been on the web lately?

to spite her man. -River

- Why do you carry a Laptop in your back pocket?

Because rapping like a computer must be in my genes. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem blow?

All he did was throw f-bombs - Rap God

- Why did Eminem buy the rap game a maxi pad?

Because it's having a rough time period. - Rap God

- Why did Eminem look so shocked when he watched a church gathering take place?

He was witnessing a mass occur. - Rap God

- How could Eminem poop Jerusalem?

Because his shit is real. - Caterpillar

- Why is Eminem so ill-behaved?

He's got a couple of mansions, but still no mannors. - Lucky You

And these are just a select few.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenaPhoenix
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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David Hasselhoff walks into a bar

The bartender says, β€œOh my god, David Hasselhoff, this is so amazing!β€œ

David Hasselhoff replies, β€œJust call me Hoff.β€œ

The bartender replies, β€œSure, no hassle, just Hoff.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Co-worker: "I watched my first porno last night."

Me: "Your first one? Yeah, bullshit."

Him: "No really. My god did I ever look young."

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylordanielle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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