Do you think Mother Nature would have big boobs?

Idk but I'm pretty sure they'd be some nice environmentitties

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👤︎ u/--kae--
📅︎ Mar 04 2019
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Mother Nature likes puns now.
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👤︎ u/Succulent_Hat
📅︎ Mar 18 2019
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Have you heard the conspiracy that mother nature has small breasts?

They say she's a flat earther.

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👤︎ u/gnarwalbacon
📅︎ Feb 27 2019
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If you yell "IS IT GONNA SNOW?" at mother nature, she will respond "no!"

My father had me do this in cub scouts

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👤︎ u/CaptMcButternut
📅︎ Aug 17 2016
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I opened a pistachio shell, and there was nothing inside.

Even Mother Nature is participating in No Nut November.

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👤︎ u/vaxis2113
📅︎ Nov 21 2018
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Scientists have discovered a giant naturally occuring windmill

They say it's Mother nature's biggest fan.

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👤︎ u/CJ_Productions
📅︎ Feb 13 2018
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You wouldn’t beelieve it

I was raised homeschooled. As a result of this up bringing, I went to many different places to learn things.

One day we went to a farm, and this farm just so happened to have a bee keeper working on it. So I naturally struck up a conversation with the fine man, asking him questions about what he did, and how he liked his job.

Little did I know some time had passed and it was time to go. My mother had called to me from behind my back saying it was time to leave, but I didn’t pay her any attention. Then, in a stern tone, she called to me again from behind that it was time to go.

Then I saw her face, now I’m a bee leaver. Not a trace, of doubt in my mind.

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👤︎ u/Ben_Holda
📅︎ Jul 20 2018
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Woman's brother gets to name her twin kids

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins. Labour was imminent, so she was taken to the hospital to give birth. Her husband was stuck at the office, so her brother, who is a little bit kooky and not the sharpest knife in the drawer, went along with her.

Everything goes well in the delivery room, and she becomes the mother to two healthy children, a girl and a boy. The pregnancy took a lot out of her and she promptly passed out from exhaustion shortly after the birth.

A little while later, the father shows up, all excited to hear about his new kids. The wife's brother is in the waiting room when he arrives.

Husband: "How'd it go?"

Wife's brother: "It went great! Your wife gave birth to a healthy girl and a healthy boy!"

Husband: "That's amazing! Thanks so much for coming down with her."

Wife's brother: "No problem. She passed out after giving birth, so when the doctor came to get their names recorded, I handled it all."

Husband: gulps "Oh really?"

Wife's brother: "Yup. I named your daughter Denise."

Husband: "Denise. Well, that's not so bad now, is it? And my boy? What's my boy's name?"

Wife's brother: "Well, naturally he's Denephew."

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📅︎ Oct 06 2015
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Dad Joke on Shark Tank

A young kid had just made a deal with one of the sharks and got a $300,000 investment in his natural flavored bee honey company.

After the deal was made, he walked to his parents waiting outside, explained the situation and the family joyfully embraced and his mother exclaimed "Ohhh, honey!"

Dad - "...Was that a pun?"

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👤︎ u/NoSpringChicken
📅︎ Sep 29 2016
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Sometimes, I'm the butt of the joke.

We were walking around Home Depot and I tripped over a mop that had fallen, which brought down some items near me. Naturally, everyone within the vicinity looked at me and at this moment, my mother's boyfriend says: "Just call her 'Grace'."

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👤︎ u/ohhoneyno_
📅︎ May 29 2015
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My mom was giving me a list of ingredients for a cake...

The the whole family (my mom, dad, and two sisters) are sitting in the living room and my mom asked me to pick up some ingredients from the grocery store. She starts listing them out loud, "I'll need heavy cream, eggs, milk-"

At which point I interrupt to ask what size eggs she needs (i.e. AA etc.) and she responds "It doesn't matter just make sure they're large - oh and cage free"

My dad immediately came back, "Cage-fee? What are you worried about - that the cake will get away?"

My dad immediately does his troll grin and my mother looks at him with a years practiced look of "how did you ever trick me into marrying you"

Naturally this was followed by my nine year old sisters falling apart into giggles, and eventually me too. My mother looks at us like she's thinking to herself "They must have switched all three of my babies at the hospital" before looking up at the ceiling and saying, "I guess I'll write a list..."

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👤︎ u/Firebrat
📅︎ Dec 19 2014
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Got my wife and in-laws during the Oscars, twice.

During Gagas performance: Mother in law says "look at those hanging oscars, they look dead!". I bust out "oh you mean the Oscarcases?".

During the next performance she says: "there are oscars literally everywhere, even all over the floor!" Naturally I mention "you mean the Oscarpet?"

Groans for days

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👤︎ u/iancameron
📅︎ Feb 24 2015
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