“thank you for your cervix.”
I said “thanks for having me.”
I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words, He told me "My wife is bellissimo"
I told him, "That's beautiful"
Happy mother's day!
So I made her angry
I hope they meat her expectations
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Dad : Don’t forget it’s son day too.
‘Cos she’s worth it.
I made several good points.
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
But Son day happens once every week
... but every week there's a sunday.
So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.
So far I got:
You're ex-cell-ent mom!
I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!
Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)
^((But they're kind of trash))
Ideas from others:
Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15
What a bitch.
Because she's a sweet lady with a great sense of humour.
Mama said there’d be gays like this!
Happy Pride Month, y’all. :D
So I hear my niece running around in our house and also a dog running around with her and was immediately confused wondering why she and a dog were just running up and down the hallway. Then I went to see what was happening and she was playing fetch with the dog. So I asked my mom, "then why was she running? Is she simply so stupid that she throws a thing and tries to fetch it herself because for a second there she forgot whether she was the dog or the person?" To which my mom replied, "it wouldn't be farfetched. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) " ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Why do you beehive like this?
We had ordered mussels and were destroying them. We couldn't stop talking about how great they were.
Dad: "god damn I've had some good mussels in my life but these are amazing. I've got to remember to come here again."
Me: "Make sure to eat as many as you can."
Dad: "Why's that?"
Me, giggling: "Mussel memory."
groans from everyone
I got sent a bunch of flowers with all the heads cut off. I phoned the police and they said its sounds like i was being stalked.
I'd like to share a poem that my own dad wrote for his mom once upon a time:
M is for the many things she gave me.
O is for the other things she gave me.
T is for the things she gave me.
H is for her things she gave me.
E is for everything she gave me.
R is for the rest of the things she gave me.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!
I said something to tease my mom a bit and she goes:
"I'm going to put you back in my womb"
My response: "I don't think there's enough womb".
Why's it on Son Day?
Bf's dad: Did you know that every can of beans only has two hundred and thirty nine beans?
Me: Oh really?
Bf's dad: Yeah, if there were one more they'd be too farty.
...Didn't even see that one comin'.
It's son-day as well
I was at the diner with my family on Mom's day. My step brother looks around the packed dining room and says, "Damn it's crowded in here!" to which I reply "Yeah, everyone and their mother is here today."
Context to the story: My mom is getting some work done in her backyard. Trees are being removed and they are digging to put an in ground pool in.
Story: Mom and I are driving back from an outing for Mother's Day. We are talking about the back yard and the work getting done.
Mom: When the pool gets put in I'll be dirt poor.
Me: But right now you're dirt rich!
Mom:look of disappointment
We were having cake to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mom. My Dad decides to ask us:
"Mom's pretty great. You know what she'd be called if she were president?"
I'm making Mothers day cards for my mother deli co-workers. I kind of have have an idea for one of them (http://imgur.com/3FKyto0) I want to play on deli themes.
Prima Della is one of the brands we use, others are Hormel, Charlie's Pride, Sara Lee, and Jenny O. In the deli we have a deep frier and hot case, meat/cheese slicers and make sandwiches/salads.
Any fun plays on words for any of those that would make a fun PG-PG13 card? Nothing too vulgar, I work with these ladies
Rang my mum up to wish her a Happy Mothers Day and Dad said he wanted to talk to me also. He opens with "Happy Son Day, get it Sunday haha". Commence the groaning...
Happy Mothers Day all!
I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”