Jesus Christ is such a legend
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octopusspongue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Jesus Christ would you look at the time
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Lord6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Jesus Christ Snooker Star.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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There is a new drug on the streets called Jesus Christ...

Ya, most users are taking the Lord's name in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrollholio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Jesus Christ and his picture?

His picture only requires one nail to hang

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manos2532005
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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If Jesus Christ was a dinosaur, would be be known as

Jesus Christosaurus?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Jesus Christ would you look at the time!
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pik_Boi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Jesus Christ, that's a blue shelf
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rolyatmot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Jesus Christ, would you look at the time? imgur.com/plt2qAA
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skekung37
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Jesus Christ would you look at the time?
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RitoChicken
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Jesus Christ...
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AL_O0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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β€œJesus Christ, I’m more than 15 minutes late for my 3 O clock appointment!!

β€”John, 3:16

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Jesus Christs! Magician taken too seriously.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whygeorgia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Jesus Christ, that’s delicious!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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What did Jesus Christ say when he hit his thumb with a hammer?

"Me!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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Jesus Christ

Me: Jesus christ! (Or God!)

Dad: Yes?

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superherosam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2013
🚨︎ report
What did the janitor say

"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurnoverOver
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A red blood cell was travelling through the bloodstream...

It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordoftheClouds00
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Houston, We have a problem
πŸ‘︎ 208
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serial_code_r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat liar sitting down?

Quite deceitful.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtrendence
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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*me binge eating Christmas treats*

Jesus Christ what have you done to me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sajinib
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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It’s getting late
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackthecricketer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saibotspons-alien
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Where do baby cows eat?

The calfeteria!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Took a DNA test.

I can’t post on this subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruhmoment0215
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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cross post

β™°βœβœοΈβœž

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acaldwel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
The traveller

It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:

"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roosterington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Why did the cowboy get a weiner dog?

Because he was told to get a long little doggie.

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My wife is into geology and rock formations.

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/8FMv6d1

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonestarFW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
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Did you know the population of Ireland is growing at a faster rate than any other country in the world?

It’s capital has been Dublin every year.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ystad31
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Jesus may have walked on water,

But Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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my dad joke i told my dad as we opened presents (early xmas)

My dad is 80.....i'm 53. My sister gave him some stockings (like knee socks) from the Vatican that the Pope supposedly wears. Don't ask why it's not important. Odd gift but anyway.....

Dad: "Hmmm.... well that present couldn't be any holier."

Me: "Well if the socks had holes in them they would be holier."

My Dad: "jesus christ" <while stifling a chuckle>

my 20ish adult Kids: <blank stare and power down look>

I was so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airmark3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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My dog named Minton just ate a shuttlecock.

Bad Minton.

πŸ‘︎ 356
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryFlashman1927
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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When I ever get to be a dad, I wanna start early.

If I would get to be the dad of a son, I'd name him Jason so on the moment of his birth I can get up and shout: "Jesus Christ, it's Jason, born!"

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPhantome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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[Ether]

If you create puns and don't write them down, they evaporate into the aether, but if you post them to /r/puns, they will stay on the Ethernet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
🚨︎ report
"Anything these days," I told my son.

He frowned a little.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

He sighed loudly.

"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.

There was a pause.

"Anything these days," I continued.

At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"

There was a silence.

"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Church School

Sally was at Sunday school, when she fell asleep. The teacher realizes this and says, β€œSally who is the creator of life?” Her friend, Colin, who sat behind her. Poked her with a needle to wake her up. She wakes with a jump and yells, β€œGOD ALMIGHTY” The teacher responds, β€œVery good Sally.” Soon later, Sally falls back asleep. The teacher, again notices and says to her, β€œSally who is our savior?” Colin again, pokes her with a needle. Sally jumps up and yells, β€œJESUS CHRIST!” The teacher responds, β€œVery good.” For a third time Sally falls asleep. The teacher, having enough of it, asked, β€œSally, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 17th child?.” Colin again, pokes Sally with a needle to wake her up. She jumps up and yells, β€œI SWEAR TO GOD, if you shove that thing in me one more time, I’m going to rip it from you, and shove up your throat!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NashYaBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Whenever someone says "God!" around my dad

Yeeeeeeee^eeeee^eeees?

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krazykman1
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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Who invented the crosswalk?

Jesus Christ did

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bone_Machines
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
You know of holy water. But have you heard of holy milk?

It's pastorized.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Visionce
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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I had a clock that had a picture of Jesus looking at it just so i could say,

"Jesus Christ, look at the time!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelnodxd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report

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