My friend said he was sick of my Russia puns

So ve it.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jasperjb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
🚨︎ report
There were no mines in Soviet Russia

They were called ours

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hessim20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bedpan in Russia?

A Poo-tin.

πŸ‘︎ 350
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennnnetttt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

... Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
To everyone talking about Trump and his Russia connections

Crimea river

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Why did it take Russia so long to invade Germany?

They were Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
They don't watch Netflix in Russia

Because they have Njetflix.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianHusky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegetable grown in Russia?

A soviet onion

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VASIL360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I aprecciate the president Russia's achievements.

He had to Putin a lot of work to get where he is.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emperor_Alves
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
What did Putin say after NATO complained about Russia's aggressive westward expansion?

Crimea River

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1sneakymidget
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
IF RUSSIA INVADED TURKEY FROM THE REAR...WOULD GREECE HELP
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
What do they call a bobby pin in Russia?

Boris pin

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yesnomaybeok
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
They had self-driving cars in Russia

As they say: In Soviet Russia, Cars drive you...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basyt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Why does Russia have a declining population?
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knittingmonster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
What do kids in Russia say as they clean their teeth?

Brussia brussia brussia brussia

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skwirler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I played a song to a tree in Russia

Now it's Dmitree

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Russia, all the letters are small

Because they're not capitalized

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-AntiMattr-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
How do you call an elevator in Russia?

You press the button!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaltyPython
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
Where do you get coffee in Russia?

Tsarbucks.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/writerpathologist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
You don't often see English puns in Russia
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petr1111
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When a coin goes from Russia to the USA seeking asylum it is Metal Defecting.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Mother Russia
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/convict99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Russia Hacking the Elections
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akolman4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Russia so big?

Because it ate a lot of german hamburg-ers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewEathan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious

It was called the tsar chasm

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalontedJay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I read that Russia opposes Israel's annexation of parts of the West Bank, well Putin can just go Crimea river
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tacojohn48
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t Russia invade Germany?

Because they were Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatohead657
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call chubby people from Central and Eastern Russia?

Siberian Huskies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard in Russia they were making roads out of old Nokia

My car has never felt more connected commrade

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
From Russia with love
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lobstersmoothies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: In ancient times, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 250
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The president of Russia is Putin

those gays in gulags

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLolicon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Russia is launching a new streaming service.

They're calling it Nyetflix

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Help, Russia is trying to hack me! What should I do?

Edit: Russia good, I think I wrong, please ignore yes yes

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Auicidi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
In Russia they don’t have a word for procrastination

So they just call it Putin it off

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smurfsmasher024
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Russia favourite streaming platform?

Nyetflix.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/conormatthews98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Russia wait so long to attack the Nazis?

They were Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CynicalEducator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Capital of russia
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
An old married couple are taking a stroll in Soviet Russia.

While they are walking it starts to precipitate. The man insists that it is raining, but his wife, who has only ever lived further up north where it can only snow, thinks that it is some weird form of snow. They spend a few minutes trying to convince each other before the man says β€œlet’s ask Officer Rudolf, he’s a very smart man!” So they stop and say β€œOfficer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?” Officer Rudolf confirms that it is raining, and the couple continues to stroll. Later the wife asks how he knew Officer Rudolf could answer them. The man simply replies, β€œbecause Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Willdoeswarfair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind do you think Greece would help?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Russia

Back in the old USSR, a Soviet inspector met with the foreman of a large manufacturing facility.

Inspector: good morning comrade, how many men work here?

Foreman: about half

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bertrandmacklin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do Russia not grow any cotton?

Because they already have Lenin.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DxrkBloo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
An elderly couple from Russia...

is walking in St. Petersburg Square one cold evening, when a light precipitation begins to fall.

"It looks like rain", said the man.

"Oh no dear, it's definitely snow. Look at the way it blows in the light", said the woman.

The man turns to his wife and says, "Let's ask the military officer over there. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely rain, sir!"

"See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

πŸ‘︎ 208
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stdubbs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Russia get no work done

Because they’re Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acewilson3
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
There was man named Demitri who lived in Russia....

Throughout his whole life he was just fascinated with trains. Specifically passenger cars. He would enjoy going on trips with his family.

Demitri grew up and decided to make it his career. Unfortunately the difficult life he had from bullies pushed him towards the bottle and turned him to an alcoholic.

One late night in his shift he wrecked the train killing 10 people. When the courts found out he was drunk while operating they charged him with murder and sentenced him to the electric chair. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. When his time came the executioner strapped him to chair and asked for any last words. He simply said, "No." The pulled the lever and to everyone's amazement he was unharmed. The government saw this as an act of God and released him.

Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. Unfortunately bad habits are not easy to quit and he was still an alcoholic. These trains were his only happiness. Unfortunately it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jms199456
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I dont understand why people say that the US is obsessed with Russia.

Clearly it's Canada that has a thing for poutine.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptMAgic
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, some native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish from Russia?

A commufish

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hug-Buddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Russia agree to a peace treaty with Germany right before ww2?

Their leader was Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Enderman5059
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Next time you're in Russia.

Putin a good word for me, will ya.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't want to Russia. But the before we go, I'm
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Krombopulos137
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Russia managed to win the first match of the World Cup after Putin a lot of effort.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shyggar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm ok with Russia invading Ukrain

After all, it's about time that London had some sun

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheASHTening
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the name of Russia's most famous pop star of all time?

Lady Gagarin.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sephjnr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did he NSA whistleblower regret moving to Russia?

He was always snowed in/Snowden

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arugula278
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Ukraine say when being invaded by Russia?

If I’m going to be Russian, then Soviet!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheeseologist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke on /r/news: Russia says Canada weed legalization is a breach of international responsibility
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SergePower
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
It seems I can't find the border between Russia and Alaska using my compass.

I couldn't get my Bering Strait.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lansaman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
In America, drug is the enemy. In Russia, drug is your friend.

Explanation: the Russian word Π΄Ρ€ΡƒΠ³ (drug, pronounced drook or droog) means male friend.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdWampa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was Russia late to the UN meeting?

Stalin, as always

πŸ‘︎ 216
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doebro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2016
🚨︎ report
"If Russia's gonna be communist, then Soviet" -Lenin probably
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halagabir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
During WWII why was Russia so horizontal

Because they were Ex-Axis

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dotrod-Tod
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when there is no internet in Russia?

Internyet.

πŸ‘︎ 283
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperJauntyHat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
What is Russia's favourite desert?

Putin-g

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioPol
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2017
🚨︎ report
The Finland-Russia border

Should just be called the Finnish Line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
You could say that the situation with Russia is getting a little bit...

Syrias...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KarpGrinder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
you hear Apple is releasing a self driving vehicals exclusively in russia?

it's called the I-van

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I ask my newborn son all the time if he's got ties to Russia.

Cause he's a Pootin.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ejl5090
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Russia is having a closing down sale?

Everything Moscow

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kipperchimp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Why are there so many car crashes in Russia?

Because everybody's Russian all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Why can't Edward leave Russia?

because he's snowed in

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adventuredditor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I don't like Russia dolls

they're so full of themselves.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did Edward get stuck in Russia?

He was Snowden.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heyyouguys24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
🚨︎ report
I hear they want to flood Russia in knee high water

I keep hearing talk about giving the country sank shins.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I had trouble getting into my vacation home in Russia. I had to call a locksmith because...

I lost my Siberian Housekey

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mxjf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you see that article where the FBI director related Hilary and Russia with his hate for the NE pats?

Should have been titled, "FBI director declares himself unpatriotic!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pozpills
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Russia planning on invading Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan

Putin says "I love it when a stan comes together"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/errie_tholluxe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Russia lose in Afghanistan?

Because they kept Russian everything.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
In honour of Canada playing Russia in World Junior hockey this evening, I predict we will be putin on the gold medal.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SugarBear4Real
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Where does Russia hide their asylum seekers?

in a snow den

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitpoe_Sterr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
🚨︎ report
We don't even live in Russia

Friend: Picks up bread, retches in disgust and throws in trash Me: What just happened Friend: There was bare mold on that bread Me: That's why you don't let bears near your bread

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumerusMedic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Told my wife while watching the news about Turkey/Russia

Turkey is Putin themselves in a tough situation with this plane shoot down.

Eye rolling ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wido711
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2015
🚨︎ report
After we heard about Russia invading the Ukraine

Dad: Hey since Russia went and invaded the Ukraine do you think we will have to go and kill Putin?

Me: What? No. Why?

Dad: Oh. I guess I just assumed we'd have to be Putin him down.

Everyone within earshot: groan

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zektron42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
🚨︎ report
If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moliz1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
In Russia they don't have a word for procrastination

So they just call it Putin it off

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smurfsmasher024
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
If Russia attacked Turkey from behind

Would Greece help?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHokaKingBabi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report

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