Ussr Puns

And they’ll be calling themselves the Soviet Reunion

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

“A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for vodka, decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for vodka.”

They were Stalin.

It's a big red flag

Then we could have a Soviet re-Union

I'm stalin' it.

“Then Soviet.”

Stalin

"Well then... So-vi-et..."

God that was bad.

...because he was always Stalin.

A woman walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor "Doctor, help! I am 24 years old, always wear makeup, and go on many diets but no man has ever wanted to have intercourse with me! What can I do to fix this problem?" The doctor replies, "Get naked and walk around I'll see what the problem is." She gets naked, walks around and the doctor says, "Ahh, I see what the problem is!" The woman replies, "Oh what is it doctor! I would really like to know!" The doctor says, "You have Exaggetly disease" Woman says, "Exaggetly disease? What's that? Doctor gives a sly grin and says, "Its when your face looks Exaggetly like your ass"

Back in the old USSR, a Soviet inspector met with the foreman of a large manufacturing facility.

Inspector: good morning comrade, how many men work here?

Foreman: about half

Two naturalists spent the bulk of their lives studying bears in the Soviet Union. One was from Czechoslovakia and the other from Poland. When the USSR fell in December 1991 they were both old men, but they were excited about the prospect of finally getting the chance to study grizzlies in America. That following Spring they made arrangements to travel to Yellowstone to finally see the grizzlies.

When they arrived and informed the park rangers of their plan the rangers were alarmed, telling the scientists, "You can't go now. It's mating season, and the bears are very aggressive." But the former Soviets were insistent. "Please," they said, "We must go. We've waited our whole lives. We may never get another chance." Realizing the men couldn't be dissuaded, the rangers gave them a radio with instructions to report in with their location every day. The scientists set out, and for several days they reported dutifully that all was well.

On the third day, though, they failed to report in. Anxiously, the rangers sent out a search party to the scientists' last known location.

Unfortunately, the rangers discovered a bloody mess when they found the men's camp, and the tracks of two bears, a male and a female, leading off into the woods.

The rangers followed the tracks until suddenly they came upon the female grizzly, her muzzle still crimson with blood. They shot her and conducted an autopsy on the spot, sadly finding the remains of the Polish scientist inside her stomach.

"You know what this means, don't you?" said one ranger to the other. "Yes," the other replied, "The Czech is in the male."