My friend said he was sick of my Russia puns

So ve it.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jasperjb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
🚨︎ report
You know how Russia doesn’t like free speech.

They just won’t be Putin up with it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordIggy88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an American living in Russia during the winter?

Edward Snowden

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Peachho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What is Russias most secretive insect ?

Cagey Bee.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What happened when the leader of Russia went to jail

He was putin prison

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apeskoot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the top streaming service in Russia?

Nyet flix

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thorazine222
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
There were no mines in Soviet Russia

They were called ours

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hessim20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you do anything illegal in Russia

You get Puttin jail

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me what the capital of Russia is
πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spinnaker190
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Russia have just launched a new website that tracks down and deletes pirated movies

Nyetflix.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
If I must make a joke about Russia...

...then Soviet.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I just finished making a short film in Russia about Vin Diesel’s body double.

It’s considered a Vin nyet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theeclat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a joke on Russia

But it got Stalin!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Russia has started to vaccinate the inhabitants with their own vacation

I wonder what they putin

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FarmingFriend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bedpan in Russia?

A Poo-tin.

πŸ‘︎ 360
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennnnetttt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard lots of jokes during my stay in Russia

They were so bad they should be Putin the bin

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thishotleafjuice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Which part of Russia has the highest jailing rate?

Crimea!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SD_Swift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when people in Russia are split up?

Sergei-gation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bishop825
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between the President of Russia and a slice of cheese?

The president of Russia is no good for Putin on the Ritz.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilotangoalpha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

... Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
In Russia they don't need toilets

They have a putin.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pointingoutpoop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did it take Russia so long to invade Germany?

They were Stalin.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What is Russia’s favourite song?

Putin on the ritz

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeanKeat0n
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what they said about the war between America and Russia?

Yo, this shit cold!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigMartin58
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What should you do if Russia's president offers you tea?

Never drink it. You never know what he putin there.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BOTROLLWOW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
To everyone talking about Trump and his Russia connections

Crimea river

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out Trump is being run by Russia...

Should have noticed the red flags earlier.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
They don't watch Netflix in Russia

Because they have Njetflix.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianHusky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegetable grown in Russia?

A soviet onion

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VASIL360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Putin say after NATO complained about Russia's aggressive westward expansion?

Crimea River

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1sneakymidget
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I aprecciate the president Russia's achievements.

He had to Putin a lot of work to get where he is.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emperor_Alves
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
IF RUSSIA INVADED TURKEY FROM THE REAR...WOULD GREECE HELP
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Russia have a declining population?
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knittingmonster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do they call a bobby pin in Russia?

Boris pin

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yesnomaybeok
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do kids in Russia say as they clean their teeth?

Brussia brussia brussia brussia

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skwirler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
They had self-driving cars in Russia

As they say: In Soviet Russia, Cars drive you...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basyt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
In Soviet Russia, all the letters are small

Because they're not capitalized

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-AntiMattr-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I played a song to a tree in Russia

Now it's Dmitree

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call an elevator in Russia?

You press the button!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaltyPython
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
You don't often see English puns in Russia
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petr1111
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you get coffee in Russia?

Tsarbucks.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/writerpathologist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Russia Hacking the Elections
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akolman4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Mother Russia
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/convict99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
When a coin goes from Russia to the USA seeking asylum it is Metal Defecting.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?

He got Putin jail

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apeskoot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report

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