And I’m laughing my Ossoff
A peach hobbler.
(One of my kids favorites).
A peach hobbler.
(This is an original as far as I can tell. Made it up years ago on a car ride across the US with the family. Kids are in college now but still enjoy it.)
A u-seless fiddle (sorry if you haven’t heard the song, check it out, is lovely).
He was looking for a soul to take. He came up to a man and said, "Sir, would you make a deal in exchange for your soul?" Now the man had red hair, so people said he did not have one. He told the Devil, "I'll give you my 'soul' if you grant me eternal youth, and infinite riches. But I contain my 'soul' in a container." The Devil agreed and they shook, then the man gave the Devil his left shoe's sole.
Told by a grandpa.
The UGA newspaper is called The Red & Black, but the other day I asked myself; why isn't it called Black, White, and Read All Over?
Georgia/Atlanta is expecting a big ice storm tonight/tomorrow. As I got off work, my dad texts me with weather conditions in a nearby town.
Dad: Did you hear they have ice in Cedartown?
Dad: It's $1.79 a bag.
It was half-time and it was time for the mascot, Uga, to get walked out into the center of the field before the band played. Everyone, as always, stood up and was really excited to see the dog help get the crowd pumped up for the second half.
Once the band started playing, the dog got settled down on the Georgia logo and started licking his ass like you've seen countless dogs do before.The man on the other side of my dad nudged him and joked, " Man, I wish I could do that."
My dad looked at him and exclaimed, "Are you kidding?! That dog will bite you!"
Looks like a lot of people in Georgia will be laughing their Ossoff
Don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.
My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:
Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.
LN: What happened?
Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.
LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?
Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I... keep reading on reddit ➡
Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line
Watch out while driving through Atlanta, Ga. I hit a seagull, it flipped off my windshield and hit the cop car behind me. He pulled me over and ticketed me.
Whatever you do, don't flip the bird to the cops in Georgia.
Driving through Georgia, the wife saw a sign for Jekyll Island. She turns to me and says, "Oh I've heard Jekyll island is really nice."
My response: "Yeah, I've heard it's a lot nicer than Hyde Island"
Her: "You're terrible."
Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.
(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?
My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.
He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"
I like to think he slept on the couch that night.
(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.
An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad... keep reading on reddit ➡
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I said we ought to drive down to Georgia, but we also have to get back to where we live shortly thereafter.
Looks like it's going to be a turn and Bern.
My Dad drove a full 9 hour car ride with me from Virginia to Georgia
Me: I'm tired. I didn't get any sleep during the ride
Dad: I DID!
Me and my family are from Krasnoyarsk, Russia. But I've known English most of my life by now. My dad, however, is from Georgia, and thinks its hilarious to play on Russian words. I recently got a new Mazda Miata. Every Tim he sees it, he says "Nice car, man!" In Russian. Car=машина(Ma-shee-na) Man=мужчина(Mu-zh-chee-na) Get it? Nice musheena, musheena! He won't stop.
My sister lives in Georgia, which is currently having some uncharacteristic winter weather. She sent me and my parents a picture of the snow on the ground, asking "What state am I living in!?". My dad responded with "considering the white stuff on the ground, I'd say a state of confusion"
I was at the Georgia Aquarium a few years ago, when the female beluga whale named Maris was pregnant. The bull in the tank was named Beethoven. When a man who was providing information about belugas asked if anyone had any questions, a woman in the front row asked "Is it Beethoven's fifth?"
I was on training hike with a bunch of my buddies last year for a major trek we were taking that summer. We were hiking Stone Mountain in Georgia starting about the time the park opened. When we had all geared up, we set off to hike the mountain a few times. When we got to the base of the trail, there was a cop there stopping people for going up. Someone asked what was wrong. The cop replied, "There are three rabid dogs on the mountain, we have closed the trail until we can contain them." My friend, really disappointed that we couldnt go up just yet, asked when the trail would be open again. The cop replied, "I don't know sir, the dogs don't really have sense of time or schedules." Without even hesitating, I said, "I guess they aren't watch dogs." The cop was stunned into silence, every single one of my friends yelled their groans. I was 17, and I had to check that I wasnt a father
Asked my Dad what his favorite college football team is besides his alma mater and my university.
Dad: "Georgia Tech of course." Me: "Why?" Dad: "They're the only football team named after an article of clothing..."
... we pass an island called Jekyll Island in Georgia. Dad: "On this side is Jekyll Island, and on the other side is a place called Hyde Island." Mom: "Oh my god..."