Trump wins Michigone
It was Erie.
A woman from Michigan is a Michigoose
Most people in Michigan are shocked to find out they live in a cat a tonic state
It's my Georgetown Township Shipyard Yardstick Stickup Update Datebook Bookend.
They're both green and get smoked in bowls!
It's called Eh Eh.
After just passing an alpaca ranch...
"What do you get when you give some holsters and guns to an alpaca?"
Alpacan heat...
I recently went with a bunch of friends to see a hockey game at the University of Michigan. If you don't know, everyone who goes to that school is obsessed with their fight song which is titled "Hail to the Victors".
Anyway, we get outside the arena and then a torrential downpour starts. Our group runs underneath a bus stop awning thing to wait out the storm.
Then loud cracks start to be heard. Frozen rain has started to fall everywhere.
We look around at each other.
"Hey guys..." I say.
Everyone tenses up. I see the disappointment on their faces. They know what is about to come out of my mouth.
"Hail to the Victors!"
It's a little place between Dayton and Marion.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
because I live in Canada.
Michigan
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Roll reversal
I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I donβt know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just donβt think weβll know what to expect. Like last time, we donβt know Michigan.
Iβm still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in
Because you know I wonβt smoke up all the profits.
Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. π
My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.
She was telling me about what she had been reading in the newspaper today when she dropped this one on me.
GF: "Did you hear about the guy that got hit in the head with a can of pop?"
Me: "No?"
Gf: "Luckily it was a pretty soft drink."
ba dum tis.
Dad: Hey son, whats a metaphor? Me: It compares two... Dad: COWS TO GRAZE IN!
I tell them that's not the case. I'm just from Michigan, so I'm midweSTERN
On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.
When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"
He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.
I couldn't tell if he was THAT bad at darts or if he was studying for a geography test because he kept repeating the phrase"Ah, Michigan."
Backstory: I'm a flight instructor, and I was teaching one of my students about the "Area Forecast". We were going through which areas of the country the forecast covered, and in addition to a bunch of states, there's a few lakes, like Lake Superior, Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, etc.
Her: "Why are these lakes included in the forecast?"
Me: "Because they're pretty great."
Additional backstory: I will be a dad of 2 in less than a month.
Cousin flew in from LA to Michigan and we haven't seen him in 3 years. We are all Korean and my dad has a very thick Korean accent.
Dad: Does your eye hurt?
Cousin: No why?
Dad: Long time no see.
Cousin: ugh....
On vacation in Myrtle Beach from Michigan as we speak... as I speak... as I type, whatever. In our texting conversation my dad dropped this one on me.
Me: The fog was so thick this morning, I couldn't see the ocean.
Dad: Neither could I.
I get home during half time of the Michigan State vs Michigan game. As an MSU fan I asked my dad if we got the ball back after half-time not knowing who started with the ball first half.
Me: Do we get the ball back after half time? Dad: I'm sure we will at some point.
We all laughed
She's from Michigan and she said "I really miss Michigan" so I replied "would you say you... Missigan" to which she punched my arm
Today I told her that I bought a new shirt and she said "I wanna see!" so I replied "I didn't know you were blind" and she made this face :l while I cracked up
I'm on vacation with my family out west (from Michigan) and were passing through New Mexico and I decide to pass the time on my phone but I look at my reception and I'm getting 0-2 bars so I say outloud "The cell reception is a little rocky out here!"
The groans/chuckles were amazing!
Edit: I'm not a dad.
"Don't mess with Hugh Jackman. He's got those long nails. And I hear he went to Michigan! Har ar ar ar ar..."
As a little background, my wife and I traveled to michigan for a family reunion. While packing, my wife packed a 'bag of tricks' meaning a bag of toys for our 5 month old baby. Today she is taking a day trip with the baby to visit one of her friends. She is getting ready to go, bring extra clothes and such, and mentioned to me "I wont be able to bring the bag of tricks." I replied "Well maybe you should just bring some lucky charms."
I love being a dad.
Driving from Michigan to Arkansas, driving down a long straight road in the country in Indiana.
My sister: Dad, can we stop at a store, i have to pee.
Dad: Well, i don't think there are any "I have to pee stores" around here.
Me and my brother had just sat down on the couch visiting our family in California (from michigan) we weren't there for 5 minutes.
Grandma: Yeah squigies Mack plays guitar now too!
Me: Really? We should definitely jam soon then!
Grandpa in stride walking towards the door: I'll bring the toast
This is my future
