Ontario Puns

I’ve always wanted to visit the Persian Guelph

They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.

http://imgur.com/EQWhBcx

The text says:

For Sale

2nd hand snowman

My dad said "Boy, I hope this snow keeps up!"

I asked why, and he said "That way it doesn't come down!"

Customer: Nah that’s okay you can just leave it in the jug...

I purchased some 8oz cans of soda at Target last night and I managed to Dad-joke the cashier:

Cashier: "Do you like these in bags?"

Me: "No thanks, I like them in cans. I didn't even know they came in bags."

She rolled her eyes and ceased all communication.

I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:

"This bus will be express from Huron out."

Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.

I work as a grocery stocker and last night I came across a new brand of water that I had never seen before.

Rather than spend my precious time looking for where it was supposed to go I went to my boss to find out where it goes.

Me:"Hey Sir, Where does the Niagara Water go?" Boss:(without missing a beat)"Lake Ontario"

A customer nearby groaned and shook his head.

Co-worker 1: "I sometimes think I should know more about Canada."

Co-worker 2: "I feel like if you know the capitol of Canada and the capitol of Ontario, you're ahead of 99% of Americans."

Me: "Yeah, that or Nunavut."

collective groan

My apologies for this joke having a long lead up, but stay with me for a second and you'll understand. With the Ontario provincial elections having come and gone, it had reminded me of this getting dad joked by my uncle and a bit of underlying sarcasm that goes along with politics and the voting process. I was at my uncles farm and we were setting up for some target practice for my son and his buddy. My uncle says to me go into the shop there in the left front corner and grab one of those targets I have. As I execute my search for such item I see that they are old politic yard signs with paper targets stapled over top. I come out teasing my uncle that it looks like he's now supporting the green party, to which he reply's (queue dad joke).....

"Figured Id give 'em a shot"

Now let that sink in like I had too!

Damn he's good, and at age 78 Im totally impressed!