Bartender looked at it and said, βwhy do you have to be so negative!β
would he become a Timberwolf in the Wild?
βEhh, youβve been to one, youβve been to the mallβ
You can practically taste the salt in the air
The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.
I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.
I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.
Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.
Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.
Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.
I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.
The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.
The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.
The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.
The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.
The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.
The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.
Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.
The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.
Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.
A Mini-soda
..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"
"Sure, its a Franken-Stein."
Minnesota.
Yeah.
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Minnesota
Minnesota ! HA!
massachusetts.
It gets worse. My kids and I have a ton of these for different states. Should it be one thread?
There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.
The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, βGreat! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.β
The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of tripletsβ! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."
The third father opens the window and jumps out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, βWhere's the third father?"
One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.β
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"
Talking to a coworker from Minnesota, while we currently live on the east coast:
"So how was your easter? Or do you guys celebrate midwester out there?"
No laughs, just silence. I think I did well.
But Iβm very fond of Minnesota.
Minnesota.
This is seriously my dads favorite joke to tell servers when we are out. It drives my step mom up the wall.
I had a conversation with my friend Grace (11yr) today.
G: EGOfoodie, what are you going to eat on your flight to Minnesota. Me: thinks about it Well... G: A plane bagel?
This kid is going places.
In Minnesota, they say woofda.
I told him he had better start planning the funeral because we live in Minnesota: the best you can ever hope for is, "Not Bad".
- Alaska girl out when the times right
- Arkansas right? (Ar Can Saw right?)
- Iβll California
- Heβs gonna Florida car!
- Iowa lot of money right now
- He was in a state of Missouri for the past few days
- Heβs the Maine character of the book
- Mind Washington dishes tonight?
- Can I get a Minnesota with my burger?
It's mini soda law.
Bonus joke: where are the trees in Minnesota?
Between da twos and da fours.
[during tonight's Minnesota Wild/Chicago Blackhawks game]
Me: "Hey, do you want to hear a hockey joke?"
Eldest sister: "No."
Me: "OK. Just checking."
Your turn! Make me cringe! :D
"Where are we now, Dad?" the son asks.
"We're in Minnesota," the dad replies.
"What is Minnesota known for?"
"Well, they have these extremely tiny sodas..."
Sitting at dinner with my buddy and his daughters, the oldest one is a natural dad.
"Which state has the smallest sodas? . . . Minnesota"
A mini-soda (Minnesota)!
So my step dad, mother, and I are on our way home from a pint night tonight when we got onto the conversation of twins. I was going back and forth with my mom, who as a nurse was giving insightful comments on the subject. My step dad quips in and asks if there's any specific parts of the US that are prone to fraternal or identical twins. We both are kinda confused for a second, and my mom says it's not a geographical thing but genetics. He then says he would have thought Minnesota would have been the place. I lost my shit. My mom was confused until she realized it was a baseball dadjoke.
Dad came by to pick up my niece and nephew who'd stayed overnight, and there was a hockey game on between the Minnesota Wild and Florida Panthers. My dad looked at the TV and says:
Where's Florida?
Southeastern part of the US. Big peninsula. You've probably seen it on a map?
I mean, sure, he was asking for it, but man it felt good to get the master back.
Discussing the snow we're supposed to be getting in Minnesota.
Me: I think we're going to get a blizzard..
Him: Like, from Sonic?
He laughs for long, long time
We were driving to Minnesota for vacation and as we are passing through Iowa, I see a wind farm (they are very uncommon where im from). I say "look, guys! A wind farm!" To which my mom replies almost immediately "I wonder if they start them off as seeds or sprouts." Kinda caught us all off guard!
Some backstory: My mother is 100% swedish, which is awesome, but my dad can't help but make fun of her for being a swedish farm girl that grew up in Minnesota (They met in NorCal, where I was born and raised).
He ALWAYS tells this one. My mom tends to roll her eyes and punch him in the shoulder.
DAD: Hey, guess how many pallbearers there are at a Swedish funeral.
ME: sigh How many?
DAD: Two. You know why?
ME: Why?
DAD: Well, there's only two handles on a trash can.
He proceeds to chuckle for 2+ minutes.
Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.
It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"
He was holding one in his hand.
His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.
Minnesota
Minnesota!
