I built a support to prop up my planner that helps keep track of the news reports about the robbery of 3-foot measuring devices from a boat repair place in West Michigan...

It's my Georgetown Township Shipyard Yardstick Stickup Update Datebook Bookend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MenacingBanjo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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Heard from my Father in Law while driving along a backcountry road in Michigan...

After just passing an alpaca ranch...

"What do you get when you give some holsters and guns to an alpaca?"

Alpacan heat...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/belinck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
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Hauling my truck back to Michigan. My dad won't stop cracking this one, "Man that guy is on my ass!!" Followed by historically laughing.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mteazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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You know why you should be my partner in the marijuana businesses?

Because you know I won’t smoke up all the profits.

Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. πŸ™„

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchyRs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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God dammit dad, we're already late.

On bridges in Michigan, there are signs warning motorists of ice that forms over them during the winter months.

When I was a kid, I was riding in the car with my dad one hot summer day. my dad says, "boy is it hot..." as he pulls over on the bridge, unhooks his wristwatch and sticks it out the window. I ask, "what are you doing, dad?" And he says, "didn't you see the sign? 'Watch for ice on bridge'!"

He laughed for a good five minutes as he drove off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-El
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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Dadjoke practice

Backstory: I'm a flight instructor, and I was teaching one of my students about the "Area Forecast". We were going through which areas of the country the forecast covered, and in addition to a bunch of states, there's a few lakes, like Lake Superior, Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, etc.

Her: "Why are these lakes included in the forecast?"

Me: "Because they're pretty great."

Additional backstory: I will be a dad of 2 in less than a month.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alpineracer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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My dad with my cousin for Thanksgiving

Cousin flew in from LA to Michigan and we haven't seen him in 3 years. We are all Korean and my dad has a very thick Korean accent.

Dad: Does your eye hurt?

Cousin: No why?

Dad: Long time no see.

Cousin: ugh....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omfgwindmill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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Distance makes the dadjokes grow fonder.

On vacation in Myrtle Beach from Michigan as we speak... as I speak... as I type, whatever. In our texting conversation my dad dropped this one on me.

Me: The fog was so thick this morning, I couldn't see the ocean.

Dad: Neither could I.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2015
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Dad pulled this one while watching the game

I get home during half time of the Michigan State vs Michigan game. As an MSU fan I asked my dad if we got the ball back after half-time not knowing who started with the ball first half.

Me: Do we get the ball back after half time? Dad: I'm sure we will at some point.

We all laughed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redheadeded
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2013
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Dadjoked the girlfriend twice in the past day

She's from Michigan and she said "I really miss Michigan" so I replied "would you say you... Missigan" to which she punched my arm

Today I told her that I bought a new shirt and she said "I wanna see!" so I replied "I didn't know you were blind" and she made this face :l while I cracked up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gerbilseverywhere
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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Cell reception in New Mexico.

I'm on vacation with my family out west (from Michigan) and were passing through New Mexico and I decide to pass the time on my phone but I look at my reception and I'm getting 0-2 bars so I say outloud "The cell reception is a little rocky out here!"

The groans/chuckles were amazing!

Edit: I'm not a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamibe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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Hail in Michigan

I recently went with a bunch of friends to see a hockey game at the University of Michigan. If you don't know, everyone who goes to that school is obsessed with their fight song which is titled "Hail to the Victors".

Anyway, we get outside the arena and then a torrential downpour starts. Our group runs underneath a bus stop awning thing to wait out the storm.

Then loud cracks start to be heard. Frozen rain has started to fall everywhere.

We look around at each other.

"Hey guys..." I say.

Everyone tenses up. I see the disappointment on their faces. They know what is about to come out of my mouth.

"Hail to the Victors!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dbarts21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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Pee stores

Driving from Michigan to Arkansas, driving down a long straight road in the country in Indiana.

My sister: Dad, can we stop at a store, i have to pee.

Dad: Well, i don't think there are any "I have to pee stores" around here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a1c_djdiddles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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Cereal Joker

As a little background, my wife and I traveled to michigan for a family reunion. While packing, my wife packed a 'bag of tricks' meaning a bag of toys for our 5 month old baby. Today she is taking a day trip with the baby to visit one of her friends. She is getting ready to go, bring extra clothes and such, and mentioned to me "I wont be able to bring the bag of tricks." I replied "Well maybe you should just bring some lucky charms."

I love being a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Russed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Gramps burnt me on this one

Me and my brother had just sat down on the couch visiting our family in California (from michigan) we weren't there for 5 minutes.

Grandma: Yeah squigies Mack plays guitar now too!

Me: Really? We should definitely jam soon then!

Grandpa in stride walking towards the door: I'll bring the toast

This is my future

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SQUIGIES
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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